What is loneliness? | 孤独是什么？
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1定义：什么是孤独？
Definition: What is loneliness?
孤独，每个人都有不同的定义。分享会上，大致有以下几个观点，总结如下：
Loneliness, everyone has their own definition. On the sharing session, there were roughly the following points that I summarized as follows:
情绪化的感官体验
emotional and sensory feelings
孤独是一种自我感觉，不存在消极、积极或中性的定义，仅仅是人类一种感官体验。如果说孤单是一种表层的现状，那么孤独则是情绪化的表现，一种更深层次的内心感受。
Loneliness is a sense of yourselves. There is no definition of negative, positive or neutral meanings, just a normal emotional and sensory feeling of mankind. If to be alone could be a surface of a humankind, then loneliness could be an emotional expression, a deeper inner feelings.
具体表现为个体感受到孤立，与群体很难融入，甚至遭到排挤。比如北漂一族，或许因为身份认同，或者因为归属感缺失，或者不在亲人身边，时常感受孤独与无助。
Specific performances of loneliness could that the individuals have feelings of isolation, find hard to integrate in the groups or even feel be excluded. For example, the Beijing drifters they feel deep lonely and helpless perhaps because of identity, or because of sense of belonging or even because of no family members here.
心理的自我状态
psychological self-state
孤独是一种心理状态，一个自我内心的问题，是否对自己感到满意，是否能享受独处的美好，将会很大影响到个人对孤独的定义。
Loneliness is a state of mind, a self-centered question, whether you are satisfied with yourself or whether you enjoy the benefits of being alone will greatly affect your definition of loneliness.
如果享受独处的状态，那孤独无疑是上帝馈赠的礼物，可以尽情享受；如果厌恶孤独，又不想办法克服，那将会饱受其折磨。简言之，孤独可以看作是个人与自己相处的一种模式：如果你很满意自己，能让自己愉悦，那孤独就是生活中的一味调剂。
If you enjoy solitude, then loneliness is undoubtedly a gift from God that you can indulge in. If you hate loneliness and don’t try to overcome it, you will suffer. In short, loneliness can be seen as a pattern of getting along with oneself: if you are satisfied with yourself and please yourself, then loneliness is just a tweak in your life.
精神的连接缺失
lack of mental connection
孤独是一种连接缺失，人与人之间在情感、人生观及价值观的分歧带来的连接缺失。有些人经常参加各种活动，为什么还会孤独呢？
Loneliness could be a lack of connection. A lack of connection could be attributed to differences in emotions, sense of worth and life values between different people. Some people participate in various activities, why could they be lonely?
因为人们没有达成“连接”，浅层原因就是价值认同的连接缺失，比如说交友活动仅限于天气、吃喝及穿着等普通话题，达不到双方有效的价值连接，而深层次的则是心灵或精神交流的连接缺失。有些人很多朋友，但交心的很少，没有找到可以在精神上达到交流的伴侣，即所谓“心灵伴侣”的缺失。
Because people do not reach real "connection", the shallow reason is the lack of connection of value recognition. For example, the meet-up talks are always limited to common topics such as weather, eating, drinking and wearing, which can’t reach the effective value connection between the two sides. Mental communication is missing. Some people have many friends, but they rarely meet their heart and find no partner who can reach the spirit mentally. That is, the so-called "soul mate" is missing.
2如何应对孤独
How to deal with loneliness
第一、找到心灵伴侣，在性格上处得来的人群中寻找认同。
第二、做一些能够让自己分心的事情，比如打扫屋子、跑步、吃东西、拍照、摄影、听雨声、写诗。
第三、多交朋友，跟人交流，去接触不一样的东西。
First, you’d better find a soul mate and find identity in the crowd who come from character.
Second, you’d better do something that can distract yourself, such as cleaning the house, running, eating, taking pictures, photographing, listening to rain or writing poetry.
Third, you’d better make more friends, communicate with different people, and get in touch with different things.
3 三点有趣的观察：
Three interesting observations:
其一，根据大家定义的“孤独”，孤独的心理状态其实普遍存在。值得注意的是，大家都能淡然处之，认为这很正常，也并不是什么坏事。
First, according to your definition of "loneliness," the feelings of loneliness are in fact widespread. It is noteworthy that everyone can take it lightly, think that this is normal and it is not a bad thing.
其二，在孤独感给人们心理带来的失落及痛苦时，我们大部分人都选择独自去面对。不管是调整自己，尝试与自己和谐相处，进而达到自我满意并享受孤独的状态；还是一个人做喜欢的事情去寻求分心及解脱，都是一个人去完成。真正的孤单感，实际上很难从他人那里获得解答，你觉得呢？
Second, most of us choose to face it on our own when the sense of loneliness brings loss and pain to us. Whether you choose to adjust yourself and live in harmony with yourself, to achieve self-satisfaction and enjoyment of loneliness; Or you just do something what you love to seek distraction and relief. All this is done alone. The real sense of loneliness, in fact, it is difficult to get answers from others. What do you think?
其三，人类孤独的产生、存在及消亡，都是个体与心中“小我”的相处模式，可以归结为如何与自己和谐相处、善待自己及愉悦自己的问题。这是从大家分享中得到的一点启发，你是怎么认为的呢？欢迎评论交流~
Third, the generation, existence and disappearance of loneliness are the modes of getting along with "yourself" in your mind and can be attributed to how to live in harmony with yourself, treat yourself and please yourself. This is my inspiration from everyone’s sharing. Welcome to give comments.
Last but not the least, here is our GROUP photo!!
Our next event will be coming up on Nov.15, still 19:00~@山谷咖啡. If you are interested in meeting up with people from a variety of backgrounds and having eye opening brainstorms on hot affairs, don’t miss it out again this time!!
Looking forward to meeting you all this Wednesday!!
2017-11-22：PET English Salon
Topic：Thanksgiving day, Thanksgiving 2017.
Register wechat：fish_alex
PET 英文沙龙如果你觉得与人沟通非常重要，如果你觉得好的思想可以启迪人生，如果你喜欢看电影，看美剧，听TED演讲，上国外名校公开课，读外文读物，如果你觉得你的生活需要良好的英文沟通能力，如果你拥有积极的生活态度喜欢结交新朋友，如果你愿意分享你的快乐与人生感悟……来吧！加入我们的活动，这里有你志趣相投的朋友。