The best bargains to snatch from the Marks and Spencer carcass

Stiff upper lip, old chaps, stiff upper lip

'What are we gonna do?' 'I dunno, what you wanna do?'

Brits in exile need to make like Queen Vic (the bloated monarch, not the Eastenders pub) and dig out their most maudlin black mourning gear: Marks and Spencer is shutting down its Beijing branch on March 19 and depriving us all of decent breakfast tea, frozen fish portions and all the sweet treaties that our hearts and cavities could desire.

Because the limey contingent here at Time Out are nothing if not resourceful, stoic little sons and daughters of the empire, we headed down to Marks and Sparks to see what bargains we could scavenge.

Alas, with the exception of a few bits 'n' bobs there's not an awful lot that's been marked down to a level it's worth losing decorum over. Although nearly everything's on sale, it's not like a buy-one-get-one-half-price 49RMB microwave curry is much better value than a normally priced, expensive microwave curry. However, there are a few things worth getting all non-British about and jumping the queue for. They're mainly edible.

Biscuits

There's a load of half-price biscuits, although they're more of the sweet-ol'-great-aunt-at-Christmas variety than the sort that the average commoner likes to dunk in their tea. 50 percent off Viennese biccies though: you can't really scoff at that.

Christmas stuff

Speaking of Christmas... for 10RMB a pop you can get ready for next year. It's only ten months away!

Mind you, considering that it's February you'd think they'd have taken more off these stupid mince pies.

Frozen goodness

Buy-one-get-one-half-price on the coconut froyo – how exotic! – isn't to be sniffed at.

Sherry trifle roulade! Whacking two good things together doesn't normally make a better thing, M&S. It normally makes a mess. However, there's a lot of cash off it, so more avant-garde readers might like to try it and make up their own mind.

Niche treats

Fans of indulgences from the Celtic nations need to stock up – where else are you meant to buy Welsh cakes, half-price Scottish shortbread and half-price Irish cream liqueurs? The half-price shortbread even has a mighty stag on it, so you know it's the good sh*t.

Tea

Ah, tea, the cure-all wonder beverage upon which friendships are formed and questionable empires are built. Thankfully, these particular boxes have a heavy discount on 'em – the Organic Pure Green Tea is down from 29RMB for 20 bags to 14.50, and the Earl Grey is 19.50RMB from 39. Not too shabby!

You can take our Blog Editor out of Essex but you can't take Essex out of the Blog Editor, however much we might want to (JK).

Chocolate

There's a lot off most of the sweets and chocolates; these caramelised macadamia nuts were down to 29.70RMB from 99.

Likewise, some jolly tasty Enid Blyton-style eclairs were down to 7.50RMB, with Butter Mintoes (made in York, don't cha know) also heavily reduced.

Alcohol

One word: booooooooooooooooze. Even rubbishy novelty booze like pre-made Bucks' Fizz (mimosa, to our American cousins) is great when it's this price.

This isn't any old Champagne, it's M&S Champagne with a whole lot of money off it.

Threads and baby threads

Clothes-wise, there's not as much worth grabbing. These ankle-grazing trousers are snazzy in Yves-Klein blue, if you squint hard enough, and have a load of money off 'em (99RMB from 399RMB). They've got a range of sizes as well, which can feel like a miracle in Beijing.

This ickle fleecy snow-suit is half-price and almost repulsively cute. It's almost making us want to reproduce ourselves so we have a sprog to dress up in it.

(British) pants

Goodbye, comfy arse-covering knickers. :'(

If you're an E-cup or below. it might be worth checking out the bras. They're really blimmin' cheap.

Woah!

Percy!

And they've still got Percy Pigs – huzzah!

Hit 'Read more' for additional M&S magic and nostalgia for the good old days of 2015, when bringing a bougie British retailer to Beijing still seemed like a good idea.