Three old-time Beijing couples tell us how they make it work

What's the secret to everlasting love in Beijing?

August 17 is Qixi Jie, or 'Chinese Valentine’s Day'. We spoke to three lao Beijing couples about how they’ve kept the romance alive for decades.

Zhang Xianyi (92) and her husband Lu Heyu (90)

---

Married for 66 years

How did you meet?

ZX: We met at Nanjing Central University. Lu studied electrical engineering

and I was a literature student. Some engineering students came to our English phonetics classes because we had a famous phonetics professor.

LH: Also, there were only three female students in my engineering class.

ZX: Lu was also the leader of the students’ union, of which I was a member. I loved to dance and always wanted him to dance with me, but he was too serious and busy. Some American soldiers in Nanjing would hold dance parties late at night, so my friends and I would jump out the window after the 10pm curfew to go and dance. Lu strongly disapproved.

LH: No, I really didn’t like that.

ZX: Really I wanted to dance with you! I was just an ordinary student and he was a cadre, so he couldn’t join the dancing.

What’s the secret to such a long marriage?

LH: You have to believe in each other and trust each other.

Do you think it’s more difficult for young people today to find love?

LH: Now the situation is totally different, young people have too much choice. Although we had personal interests when we were young, we also had common causes to pursue. That was important.

Chen Shushan (71) and his wife Zhang Yan (69)

---

Married for 40 years

How did you meet?

ZY: We met in 1969 as colleagues in a paper factory in Beijing. We lived and worked near Andingmen. Chen is a real lao Beijinger, but I moved here from Hebei when I was three years old. I was 21 and he was 23.

What is the secret for such a long marriage?

CS: We met in 1969 but didn’t get married until 1977. We were in love for four years before we married, so we really knew each other. Also, we met during the Cultural Revolution. Relationships were simpler then.

How do you feel about the way in which young people are dating today?

ZY: Now, it is all about money, people just want to buy things. Everyone has a different level in society, whether it’s money or status. So it’s more difficult to find a match.

CS: These days, people meet online, but you don’t know who they really are. People can cheat each other, and you don’t know what people really want. Maybe they don’t want to get married; they just want a one-night stand. There are some agencies to help young people find partners, but the information is fake. Before, families would meet to discuss if their sons and daughters were suitable for each other. But online you don’t know who people really are.

Ma Zhaoren (83) and his wife Li Dongjie (76)

---

Married for 50 years

How did you meet?

MZ: It was through one of her co-workers, her girlfriend. I was working at a film studio and her friend was the daughter of one of my colleagues. My colleague introduced us to each other.

LD: I was assigned from Jilin to Beijing in 1962. He’d been in Beijing for a while, since before the liberation. He didn’t have family here; I didn’t have family here. We were both strangers here, but we’re the same ethnicity: Hui. So because of that, we were introduced to each other.

What is the secret for such a long marriage?

LD: After we got married, we were pretty happy. We both didn’t have family here, so we didn’t have any other burdens.

MZ: We were relatively independent.

LD: But the marriage was still rocky. We were always fighting because he was moody.

MZ: I was only moody because of some political problems.

LD: Now, divorce happens so frequently. I thought about divorce then, but I didn’t want my children to not have a father. He was always passionate about his painting though. He never gave up on that. I felt that he still had promise.

What advice do you have for young people dating today?

LD: Back then, it really depended on yourself and the other person. We had to consider character, work, work attitude, but we didn’t consider how much money you made. Nowadays, everyone has money, houses and cars, but back then, we had nothing. We didn’t consider our economic circumstances.

Excited to spend your life with someone now, too? Image: Yogurt yoghurt via Unsplash

What is Qixi Jie?

Known as 'Chinese Valentine’s Day', Qixi Jie celebrates the romantic legend of Zhinü and Niulang, a weaver girl and a cowherd who became lovers.

According to the myth, Zhinü was a fairy who came down from heaven to find fun on earth. She met and fell in love with Niulang, and they married. But when Zhinü’s goddess mother found out she was furious, and ordered Zhinü back to heaven. Niulang snuck up with her, but was discovered by the goddess who then used her hairpin to rip a tear in the sky to keep the lovers apart. This tear became the Milky Way, with Zhinü living on one side and Niulang on the other. Once a year, a flock of magpies would gather to form a bridge across the stars, allowing the lovers to reunite for one day: Qixi Jie.

Additional reporting by Megan Pan

For more about celebrating Qixi in Beijing, hit 'Read more'. 

More from Time Out Beijing