13 of the tackiest Halloween costumes to buy on Taobao
Photo: Tmall.com
Just because you can wear 'em, doesn't mean you should
Halloween is coming up, the one time of the year where we abandon all thoughts of what's appropriate and celebrate all that's scary, sinister and just plain ridiculous.
Despite quite a few of these numbers committing crimes against all that's decent and tasteful, a bunch of these are also a bit of a laugh. And if you can't look like a total knob during Halloween (see the bottom of this list), then when can you?
For a look with real longevity, why not transform yourselves into a giant cockroach. These fuzzy legs are just a tad bit unsettling, but they can prove to be effective for bugging security guards and bartenders when you go pub-crawling with your mates. 159RMB
Christmas and Halloween collide in these festively confused get-ups. If you're used to people seeing you and shouting 'JESUS CHRIST', then hey, feel free to go with it. 10-79RMB
Alternatively, if you're into the religious theme but want to spice up the appropriate level, check out this not-so-prudish nun outfit. 240RMB
Let's head to the produce section, and check out this pumpkin number. Who said big, round, orange fruit couldn't be sexy? Probably most people, but it's Halloween, which is now occasionally synonymous with 'just dress like that fruit has sex appeal'. 233RMB
If, in some alternate universe, Bruce Wayne lost his parents' fortune and wandered into a furry party, then this is the costume we imagine the caped crusader would come up with. You're unlikely to be mistaken for a billionaire-turned vigilante, but at least your head will be warm. 160-238RMB
The quintessential Halloween costume for millennials, this costume's for anyone who's ever had the dream of being a walking meme. This one's actually from Tmall, but look how versatile it is! Wear it under a tree, wear it on a bike, wear it for the laziest bank robbery ever. So amaze. Very doge. Much scare. Wow. 60RMB
Apparently a unisex costume, this purple ninja costume will be great for anyone wanting to blend into a Beijing crowd, with a handy built-in face mask for polluted days. Ninja's wear bright colours, right? Though it may look cheap, it's online for quite a penny, so we're hoping that whatever the 'customisable' part of the costume is, it's rather great. 350RMB
Be the princess you always wanted to be, or be a comforting balloon. Take up space at any party with this number and make sure everyone knows how pretty in pink you are. 200RMB
While we're on the subject of inflatable things, check out this hot chicken. Possibly coming out of an egg, possibly returning to the hell from whence it came, this costume also features completely unnecessary yellow flaps for your feet. 290RMB
Pretend to be a B-grade imperial minister risen from the grave. While the costume's actual delivery is certainly lacking a bit, we're giving them bonus points for sheer creativity. 65-120RMB
Show off a beautiful Dad-bod (especially if you don't have one) with this fantastic addition to any costume. For even more class this Halloween, make sure to store snacks and beer in your tacky tum. 137RMB
Forego any pretence of subtlety and just go with a costume that will leave no one questioning. It comes in different colours as well, including pink, brown and 'skin', because, diversity. 330RMB
Alternatively, if you want to free up your legs from those balls, you can opt for this purple fruit that looks just as phallic. 299RMB
There are hundreds more on Taobao, so get hunting!
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