那些年爸妈、老师的神逻辑，真不知道我是怎么活过来的哈哈哈哈哈
如果你问我这辈子最大的成就是什么，
那必须是“我居然在爹妈和老师的神逻辑摧残下幸存了下来”啊！
有时候，你真的不得不佩服爹地妈咪和老师们的脑回路，
拐两个弯就能怼到你服。
今天，
英大总结了编辑部众人童年遭遇过的那些“爸妈、老师的经典神逻辑”，
一起来看看有没有你遇到过的吧！
初次向你展现社会奥秘的小学刘老师
“
没带就是没做！
Forgetting to bring means forgetting to do!
是的，从此之后就知道这招不好用了。
不过我是真的记性不好啊_(:зゝ∠)_
by. 沪江英语
时间观念奇特的老妈
“
——快起床！都8点了！
Wake up! It's already 8 o'clock!
——（迅速起床）额？不是才7点半么？
(Waking up in a hurry.) Wait...... Isn't it just a half past 7?
——那和8点有什么区别？
They are the same, OK?
说得没错！孩子一出生就离高考不远了！
by. 沪江英语
直觉异常敏锐的英语老师
“
这道题为什么选A呢？
So why is A the correct answer for this question?
首先，B和C一看就是错的。
First of all, we can know that B and C are wrong at first sight.
然后，只要稍加分析就会发现D的感觉不对！
Then, with a little extra reasoning we can discover that D doesn't ring the right bell!
所以正确答案选A！
So the correct answer is A !!!
老师你等等啊！你跑得这么快会把灵魂弄丢的！
by. 沪江英语
推理无懈可击的母亲大人
“
你看小明打游戏吗？不打，而且他成绩好。人家成绩好都不打，你凭什么打？
Does David play video games? No. And his scores are high. Even with such good performance he doesn't play. So why should you play?
你看小红打游戏吗？打，而且她成绩好。人家成绩好才打游戏，你有脸打游戏？
Does Mary play video games? Yes. And her scores are high. She plays video games because her performance is good enough. So why should you play?
你看小刚打游戏吗？打，而且他成绩不好。你看人家玩了游戏成绩就不好了，你还好意思玩？
Does John play video games? Yes. And his scores are low. You see, his performance is bad because he plays video games. So why should you play?
你看小玉打游戏吗？不打，而且她成绩不好。你看人家成绩不好就知道不打游戏，你为什么要打？
Does Lucy play video games? No. And her scores are low. You see, she knows her performance is bad so she doesn't play video games. So why should you play?
游戏表示：我能怎么办？我也很绝望啊。
by. 沪江英语
对人类极限抱有道路自信的政治老师
“
——老师，我想上厕所。
Excuse me, Mr. Smith, I want to go to the toilet.
——那你想吧
Yeah, keep wanting.
没错！尿即是空！一切三急都是纸老虎！
by. 沪江英语
用量子物理学处理亲子关系的爸妈
“
你们已经不是小孩子了，这点道理应该懂。另外，等下聚会的时候让爸妈说话，小孩子别插嘴。
You are no longer kids. You should have known this. And, when the meal starts, let Mom and Dad be the ones talking. You kids stay quiet.
额？额额额？所以我的年龄是一个叠加态？薛定谔的年龄？
by. 沪江英语
设计了奇特中奖规则的理综老师
“
这是一道送分题啊。
This question is like giving you scores for free.
那你还不把分送给我？
by. 沪江英语
对法治精神有深刻理解的爸爸
“
——爸，你不能打我！我是受未成年人保护法保护的！
Dad, you can't hit me! I'm under the protection of the Law of the Protection of Juveniles.
——未成年人保护法只保护成绩好的小朋友。（遂打）
The Law of the Protection of Juveniles only protects those kids with high scores.
这逻辑无比严密，我竟无力反驳。
/(ㄒoㄒ)/~~
by. 沪江英语
总是估错时间的数学老师
“
我再讲两分钟就下课。
Let me occupy you for 2 more minutes and we can finish it.
老师，您的两分钟好像有点长？
by. 沪江英语
视觉系统扑朔迷离的妈咪
“
你看你，又瘦了。
Look at yourself. So skinny.
有一种饿叫“你妈觉得你饿”。
有一种冷叫“你妈觉得你冷”。
有一种瘦叫“你妈觉得你瘦”。
我倒是想啊！！
by. 沪江英语
不过当然，
这些爸爸妈妈+老师的神逻辑，
都比不过马云爸爸今年的神逻辑，
马云
“
我们搞双十一不是为了赚钱，是为了给消费者和商家带来快乐。
We are not doing November 11th to make money. We do it to make the customers and the shopowners happy.
是的，我们很快乐。O__O "…
by. 沪江英语
如何？
这些神逻辑有你遭遇过的吗？
你当时是怎么应对的？
还是说，你有比这更惨痛的经历？
快来留言区说出你的故事吧！
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编辑：梅园西墙的王半仙