男朋友跟我讲了一条超级土气的情话，还是中英双语的，我该分手吗？
著名文学家 列夫·托尔斯泰 曾经说过：
文艺的情话都是相似的，土的情话各有各的土。
最近不知道是什么情况，大家突然都不喜欢文艺的情话的了。
各种土到龟裂的情话喷涌而出。
一瞬间真觉得自己招架不住。
想来想去，
这一切都得感谢业界翘楚雷老师：
好吧，今天我们就来土个够！
你最近是不是又胖了？
为什么你在我心里的分量越来越重了呢？
Are you getting fat lately?
Why are you weighing more and more in my heart?
”你好，我在找一条路
它叫阿一西呆路
Hi, I'm looking for a road.
It's called I Love You.
（备注：阿一西呆路 就是日语的“我爱你”。。）
”甜有100种方法
吃糖、吃蛋糕
还有每天想你98次
There are 100 ways to feel sweet.
Eating sugar, eating cakes,
and thinking about you in 98 ways every day.
”苦海无涯
回头是我
There is no boundary for the sea of misery.
Turn back.
And you'll see me.
”这是我的手背
这是我的脚背
你是我的宝贝
This is the back of my hand.
This is the back of my foot.
And you're at the back of my heart.
”我是可爱的小姑娘
你是可爱
I'm a little girl of beauty.
And you are Beauty.
”我不想撞南墙了
我只想撞你的胸膛
I don't want to smash into the wall anymore.
I just want to smash into your chest.
”莫文蔚的阴天
孙燕姿的雨天
周杰伦的晴天
都不如你和我聊天
Cloudy day, rainy day, sunny day.
None of them values more than a day in which you talk to me.
”你猜我最喜欢猪肉还是牛肉？
我最喜欢你这块心头肉
What meat do you think I like the most, pork or beef?
What I like the most is you--the meat of my heart.
”——你有打火机吗？
没有——
——那你是怎么点燃我的心的？
--You have a lighter?
No.--
--Then how did you set my heart on fire?
”你猜我是什么血型？
我是你的理想型
Do you know what my blood type is?
I'm the ideal type that you want.
”你猜我的心在左边还是右边
它在你那边
Which side do you think my heart is on? Left or right?
It's on your side.
”跟你说一个坏消息
我对你的想法已经不单纯了
I have a bad news for you.
The way I think about you is no longer pure.
”你累不累啊
你都在我心里跑了一天了
Are you tired?
You've been running in my heart for a whole day.
”你知道我为什么感冒吗？
因为我对你完全没有抵抗力
Do you know why I got a cold?
Because I'm totally not immune to you.
”你知道我想喝什么吗？
我想呵护你
Do you know what I wanna drink?
Anything that can make me strong enough to take care of you.
”你知道我想吃什么吗？
我想痴痴地望着你
Do you know what I wanna eat?
Anything that can make me able to see you.
”被你赞过的朋友圈
叫甜甜圈
Any of my Moments that you've put a thumb on
is called a doughnut Moment.
”——我喜欢上一个小哥哥了。
那他一定很帅。——
——你太自恋了。
--I've got a crush on a guy.
Then he must be handsome.--
--Oh, you are such a narcissit.
”这是电影票
这是火车票
而你是我的女票
This is the ticket for a movie.
This is the ticket for a train.
But you have the ticket to my heart.
”我觉得你像我的一个亲戚
你像我爸的女婿
I think you look like a relative of mine.
You look like my father's son-in-law.
”你有罪
你偷走了我的心
You are guilty.
You've stolen my heart.
”我好害怕自己要张蛀牙了哦
因为你真的太甜了
I'm afraid that I'm gonna have a tooth decay.
Because you are just so sweet.
”我好晕，我好像有点低血糖了
可能是太久没有看到你了
I'm feeling dizzy.
I think my blood glucose is low.
I guess it's because I haven't seen you for a long time.
”你长得很像我一个朋友诶
像我男朋友
You look just like one of my friends.
The boyfriend.
”你怎么这么宅？
你呆在我心里之后就没动过
Why are you such an otaku?
You haven't moved even a little bit ever since you came into my heart.
”你看起来好像一个老婆婆哦
啊不，我多说了一个婆字
You look like a housewife.
Oh no, I mistakenly added a house in the word.
”你好胖哦
你来了之后我心里就装不下别人了
You are so fat.
You've occupied all the space in my heart.
”我猜你很喜欢喝苏打水
因为你可爱得冒泡
I guess you love soda.
'Cause you're just bubbly-bubbly lovely.
”咱俩的友情到头了
该发展爱情了
I think it's time for us to end this friendship.
Let's start a relationship.
”你觉得这30条够刺激吗？你还听过更震撼的土味情话吗？
快到留言区来分享吧，让大家一起承受这精神污染！
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