Do You Need to See a Psychotherapist?

Shanghai is a fast paced and dynamic city, and things can change in the space between heart beats. People come and go and the city is a constant stream of lights and noise. After being here for a little while you get very good at goodbyes, you get good at adapting, you learn to fall in and out of friendships quickly and make relationships that will last life times and cross continents. It often feels like each season is the page of a book that will never stop turning. 

One thing that all Shanghai-ers have in common is that they are the type of people who would do something completely crazy like move to China. Everyone you speak to has a completely unique reason for moving here, whether it be finishing university and panicking about the future (me), having a crazy ex-boss and shit job in the west (also me), or generally being lost and confused and trying to run from that (also also me). For some people, the transition to life here, or ever changing nature of life in Shanghai can get a bit much. 

At what point do you stop and look around and think… Something’s not quite right here? I have had that realization twice in my Shanghai lifetime, once when I was working at a training centre that I hated: I was going out every night and partying way to hard. I stood looking at a group of smiling 5 year olds trying not to vomit. Then I realized something had to change, I quit my job and cut down on the partying. The second time it happened was when I had a job that I hated. I had such bad anxiety about work that I once pulled my scooter over to vomit on the pavement on route to the office. Again, something had to change.

These life realizations are pretty common and speaking with my friends I know I’m not the only one to go through them. I started thinking about how my transition could’ve been smoother. How I could’ve handled things better and I realized that I should’ve gotten help. I should’ve spoken to someone who was an expert instead of complaining to my friends over our third bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. I’m now in a great place in my life and I’m super cheery on a daily basis, but it’s been a rocky road.

I reached out to psychotherapist Mark Pummell and asked him about how psychotherapy can help expats living in Shanghai and what his experience practicing in China has been. Many people (me included) hear the word ‘therapy’ and internally (and externally) shudder. But for many of us, it could be the key to a happier life.

The first thing is understanding exactly what psychotherapy is. I will start by telling you what it isn’t. Psychotherapy is NOT Freud telling you,‘you want to shag your Dad’. It is NOT ‘one flew over the Cuckoo’s nest’ style electric shock treatment and it’s not you leaving the doctor’s office with no answers but a pocket full of antidepressants. 

Psychotherapy is talking therapy. There are lots of variations of psychotherapy that range from cognitive behavioral therapy, where you try to retrain your brain, to hypnotherapy, to cussing out your boss because it makes you feel better, and then figuring out how you can hate him (or her) a bit less. 

I found myself sat on the sofa on a Tuesday morning in Mark’s office in the middle of the French concession. He explained to me the principals of psychotherapy and how it works. Imagine a voyage of self discovery but instead of sitting alone in a one man row boat, you have the best possible navigator at your rudder. Someone helping you steer through choppy waters and interpret all of the whirl pools so they can become more of a flat stream. 

Mark says that the main problems his clients have in Shanghai is addiction (to pretty much anything and everything) or problems people have from home that they have brought along with them. Many people move to Shanghai because they are running away from something. Unfortunately, crossing continents doesn’t necessarily mean that you leave your baggage behind you.

From talking to Mark I realized there is nothing about Shanghai expats that make us more likely to need therapy. We are just people with the same problems as everyone else, but the ever changing, transient nature of life in this city, the drinking culture and the young age of the majority of expats means that these problems can become exacerbated. 

Mark gave me a few tips to pass on, things to be looking out for in yourself or your nearest and dearest. A few things that could mean they could use a trip to a therapist to get a little bit of fine tuning. There are a huge variety of reasons that people may need therapy, but a few red lights are:

Inexplicable sadness and suicidal thoughts, disproportionate levels of anxiety, alcohol and drug related issues, unhealthy relationship patterns, whether at work (vomiting on your way to work is 100% one) or in your personal life. Also look out for unresolved ghosts from your past or, in extreme cases, PTSD, hallucinations, or that quite common I’m going crazy feeling. 

Just remember that if you’re finding life a bit tricky then there are people to help and support you. If you’re interested in speaking to Mark then add him on WeChat and send him a message. Everything is 100% confidential and I can vouch for him and say that he is warm, friendly, approachable and kind. He's also been practicing since 2002 so he has plenty of experience.

WeChat: markpummell

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