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Zodiac Sign Predictions for the Year of the Dog

2018-02-11 ShanghaiWOWeng


The year of the Dog is pretty much here, lasting from February 16, 2018 until February 4, 2019. But what does that mean for all the other zodiacs? Fear not, we have your Dog Year predictions…

 

Rat

2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960




Rats are best known for being resourceful, and this year you’ll need it. After a snafu at the airport, you’ll spend a majority of your year in Chinese prison, squabbling amongst the gangs and guards and struggling to maintain respect and visitation rights.


Ox

2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961




Oxes are well-known for diligence, dependability, strength and determination. Many of these traits will come in handy during 2018 as you struggle to outlast all of your colleagues in a blood-soaked, real-world hunger games you’re forced to participate in following societies breakdown into a haunting dystopia.

 

Tiger

2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962




Bravery, competitiveness, unpredictability, and self-confidence are defining Tiger traits. Unfortunately none of these characteristics will assist you as you skip from country to country on the lam from Interpol after a botched bank heist forever alters the course of your life.


Rabbit

2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1963




Rabbits tend to be gentle, quiet, elegant, and alert. You’ll need to be at your best in 2018 in order to cope with the devastating news that you were adopted, and that those you’ve considered blood relatives your entire life are, in fact, nothing more than friendly strangers.

 

Dragon

2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964




The Dragon is the lone imaginary animal on the Chinese zodiac, a cruel twist of fate considering that the year will be pock-marked with rapid cognitive decline, resulting in a quiet desperation as your line between what’s real and what’s not becomes forever blurred.

 

Snake

2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965




Those with the Snake zodiac sign are considered to be highly intuitive. And intuition will be the name of the game when you find yourself trapped in an underground bunker at some point this year with a group of complete strangers, one of whom is not quite who they seem to be.

 

Horse

2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966




Coincidentally, a tragic horse riding accident will leave you forever bow-legged this year.

 

Goat

2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967




Goats are known to be gentle, mild-mannered, and amicable, all traits that will help you remain calm this year when a stroke of happenstance leaves you stranded on Tristan da Cunha, one of the most remote volcanic islands on the planet.

 

Monkey

2016, 2004, 1992, 1980, 1968



A huge bonus at work this year will be squandered on cryptocurrency that immediately crashes.

 

Rooster

2017, 2005, 1993, 1981, 1969



Roosters tend to enjoy the spotlight, which will really help you out in 2018 when a talent scout notices you in a grocery store and decides to cast you to star in an upcoming X-Men movie.


Dog

2018, 2006, 1994, 1982, 1970



Loyalty and honesty are your defining traits, which will be severely tested this year when a villainous mad man forces you to choose between the person you love most and the fate of mankind.

 

Pig

2019, 2007, 1995, 1983, 1971



Pigs are diligent, compassionate, and generous, but no amount of compassion will allow you to forgive that son-of-a-bitch who sells you fake pot during a family trip to the Bahamas.

 

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