12 mistakes every Shanghai newbie makes in their first 12 months

Unsplash: Ding Lu

So you moved to Shanghai? Gongxi! Unfortunately, moving to this city isn't a walk in the gongyuan. There are some lessons no transplant can learn, expat or Chinese, without doing it wrong once, twice, or even for a whole 12 months. Here are just a few of the mistakes you're likely to make when you first arrive in Shanghai.

1. Trusting the first property agent you meet

They seemed nice, right? Smiley faces and cute stickers in their WeChat messages and all that. They even whizzed you around on the back of their scooter and most of the places they showed you didn't have fake walls. You said no walk-ups and they didn't show you walk-ups. You said lane houses and they showed you lane houses. You thought you were onto a winner. However, as soon as time to sign the contract came around, they started talking about agency fees, commission, air conditioning tax, oxygen costs and Godzilla insurance. You feel like you're getting ripped off, but can't be sure...

2. Taking the first apartment you like without working out its proximity to a metro station

So, you found an agent/landlord you can trust and have moved into the apartment of your dreams – it's near a Carrefour AND a wet market, and your 15RMB Sherpa's delivery radius is absolutely popping. However, there's a bit of a problem. The nearest metro station is ten minutes away... by bike! Getting to work on a morning just became tremendous mafan. You end up being late if you can't find a Mobike and when it rains you turn up looking like a drowned rat. You'd move, but ya know, that Carrefour.

3. Not learning enough Chinese

Okay, so this is aimed at the foreigners, although many a Chinese transplant has found themselves baffled by a Shanghainese-speaking ayi upon moving here. You started with the best intentions: you bought the books, downloaded the apps, you even started watching Chinese TV – The Rap of China was pretty lit, to be fair. However, as soon as you learn your key survival phrases, you got lazy. Zhege, nage, pijiu, dabao, maidan, fapiao – what more do you need? It's up to you at the end of the day. How long do you want to live that ting bu dong, bu dong zhuang dong lifestyle? If you're tired of it, take one of these classes.

4. Not eating at enough Chinese restaurants

Again mainly about foreigners, although you waidiren can't go acting like you're not sometimes skeptical about Shanghai cai – we're looking at you Beijingers... We get it. You don't have a clue what to order half of the time and being faced with a full Sichuanese menu can be pretty daunting without any pictures. Regardless of 'the fear,' there's only so much Brothers Kebab, Homeslice Pizza and Blue Frog you can stomach before Western food gets a bit boring. Chinese food is great and the sooner you learn this the better. Xiaolongbao, dandan mian, jianbing – and these are just the ones you've heard of. Ease yourself in with a trip to Din Tai Fung and before you know it you'll be out late cooking your own meat and veg, hotpotting like a pro.

5. Drinking at the same places all the time

Your weekends tend to go something along the lines of Kartel, Le Cafe des Stagiaires, Arkham, repeat. Sometimes you switch it up and also go to El Santo before Arkham and on very special occasions you go 'fancy' and venture away from Julu Lu and Found 158 and hit up Bar Rouge. There are so many incredible places to go out in Shanghai: world top ten bar Speak Low, these great dive joints, the cocktail bars at the W Shanghai, clubs like Elevator and casual haunts like Shanghai Brewery. There's nothing wrong with your usual hangouts, even if the staff start recognising you, preempting your drinks orders and giving you nicknames. What does 'Creepy Corona Guy' even mean? All we're saying is switch it up a bit. You're in Shanghai!

6. Not downloading Didi

You've probably noticed that Shanghai's taxi drivers have this really cool habit of driving straight past you and not picking you up. Sometimes it seems like the light on top of their car is just for show. They also seem to be really fussy about where they want to go. 'We're sure you'd love to take us to Disneyland, the airport, or deep into Minghang, but we'd just like to go home, please, kind driver.' This is where Didi comes in. When the driver responds, they've already agreed to take you where you want to go. No more 'I don't want to take you there' or 'Have you considered Pudong? It's lovely this time of evening.' Also, check out Didi Luxe, if you're after a high-end taxi experience. It's all kinds of fancy.

7. Wasting your weekends sleeping in until midday

Sure, you're tired after a long week of work, content writing, recruiting, shoving flashcards in children's faces or whatever it is you do. You deserve a sleep-in, but at the same time your weekend is precious and you can't afford to waste it. Browse one of the city's great museums, go on an art walk, go to brunch, take advantage of one of these fitness deals, or at least, you know, do something. Lounging in bed playing Nintendo Switch or Xbox (other consoles are available) until 2pm and then ordering food isn't a great way to spend your time, regardless of how relaxing it sounds.

8. Not leaving the Former French Concession and exploring other districts

We understand that the FFC has your favourite brunch spot, café and park and you can bike around to your heart's content, but Shanghai is massive and it's really worth exploring. Spend a day in East Changning, explore a water town, get your Tex-Mex fix at Shanghai's OG Taco Bell and then look at some super tall buildings in Lujiazui, go to Jingqiao, we dare you. Have you seen that really nice street in Hongkou? Duolun Lu? They even have a Friends-themed cafe in the district. Will you be there for that?

9. Not downloading Alipay or setting up WeChat Wallet immediately

What you doing carrying all that cash around with you? You look suspicious. It's all about QR pay here in Shanghai, even using your debit card is a little weird. In Shanghai, wallets are just for your metro card, pictures of loved ones, business cards, and that one hopeful, dusty condom you've had in there since October...

10. Not joining a club or organisation

Despite being the most populous city on the planet (RIP personal space), Shanghai can be quite a lonely place at times and it can be tough to meet people. Joining a sports club is a great way to meet like-minded people. Over at Shanghai Community Sports Club they've got football, rugby, cricket, frisbee, softball and more. Or if the written word is more your jam, why not get involved with one of these great literary groups. Put yourself out there and meet some people. It'll be way more satisfying than a sad swiping session on Tinder.

11. Not realising how hot it gets in the summer

WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY WARN US? REMEMBER THAT WEEK LAST SUMMER WHEN IT WAS LIKE 40 DEGREES CELSIUS FOR LIKE THREE DAYS IN A ROW? WE WERE SWEATING STANDING STILL. WE SAW A LADY GET STUCK TO A BUS SEAT AND SHE MISSED HER STOP. AND THE HUMIDITY!?!? GOOD LORD.

12. Getting fined for cycling in the wrong places

As the Katie Melua song goes, 'There are nine million bicycles in Beijing and also a shit-load in Shanghai.' Okay, they might not be the exact lyrics... Despite share bikes booming in the city, cycling is actually banned on quite a few Shanghai roads. And, laowai, don't think you can play the 'ting bu dong' card to get out of a fine. The officers speak enough English to give you your comeuppance. So what if that guy wearing what appeared to be oven gloves while riding his scooter on the path didn't get pulled over. You're not allowed to Mobike on Huaihai Lu...

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