10 signs you're going to stay in Shanghai forever

Unspash: Thana Gu 

You moved to Shanghai and said you'd give it a year and see how things go. Before you know it, it's been two years, then three and soon you'll be organising a brunch for your ten-year anniversary. There was a point when you weren't sure you'd be able to cut it here, but you quickly adapted and now can't imagine living anywhere else.

Here are the telltale signs that you're going to be in Shanghai forever.

You have a nice apartment and own nice things

How could you ever leave your lovely Xuhui lanehouse? It's peaceful, in an excellent location, only has minimal water damage and your baoan is at your beck and call at any time of day or night should there be any issues. You moved in when you got fed up of having roommates – remember that day you came home and your landlord had turned the corner of the living room into another bedroom? You've also got so much stuff: a wallhanging; an antique apothecary table; a taxidermy fox. You just bought a slow cooker. Nobody buys a slow cooker and then moves.

You've been picking up some Shanghainese

You've been here so long, you've been learning through osmosis. It started off with the occasional 'Nong ho' (hello) whenever you saw your next door neighbour but soon progressed to saying 'Nong qie gu le va?' (have you eaten yet?) to the ayi in your apartment block's elevator and absolutely blowing their minds. If you stay long enough – let's be honest, you're not going anywhere anytime soon – you could one day have a full conversation with the damas while you dance around your local square.

You carry yourself like a local

The look of wonder has faded from your eyes and has been replaced by the hardened thousand-yard stare of someone who has been taking Line 2 to work every morning for the best part of half a decade. The Lujiazui skyline doesn't impress you anymore, it just conjures memories of excessive queuing due to having to go to the Pearl Tower everytime your friends or family are in town. Everyone can tell you belong here, even those guys on Nanjing Dong Lu who try to sell stuff to tourists. No offers of bags, watches, massages or sex for you anymore.

You complain about the city's rapid development

You remember when that giant mall was a nice little dumpling spot. You remember when that giant mall was office buildings. You remember when that giant mall was a slightly smaller mall. Shanghai keeps getting bigger and bigger and sometimes you can't recognise the city at all. You miss your old hangouts: The Shelter; Yongkang Lu; Red Town and don't think Shanghai particularly needs a Hello Kitty indoor theme park or a Polar Ocean World – whatever one of those is...

You've got a 'proper job'

Whether you first arrived in Shanghai to study, teach, or intern, you definitely didn't see yourself here seven years later heading up the bilingual sales team of a multinational corporation. You wear a suit, receive thousands of emails a day and use phrases like 'key performance indicators' and 'sweat equity'. You're a pretty big fish these days – you've got a table reserved at Ultraviolet in June and sometimes you book a room at a fancy Bund-side hotel for a staycation, just because you can. Still, remember when you first moved here and ate convenience store baozi every day because that's all you knew how to order? Never forget where you came from!

You're genuinely considering moving away from the city centre

This is a big one. The very moment you think about abandoning the secure bubble of Jingan/Xuhui/Huangpu you know you're here for the long haul. 'Hongkou is lovely' you convince yourself. 'You get so much more for your money in Songjiang'. 'Pudong is on the up.' There are pros and cons to this. Sure, your apartment's square footage will go up, but the range of waimai delivery options will go down. The pavement outside your building won't be littered with share bikes, but you're going to end up spending way more on taxis after a night out. Basically, you've got to ask yourself how comfortable you are living more than ten minutes away from the nearest Wagas.

You can drive

Especially as a foreigner, if you live here and have a driver's license, that's a huge red flag that pretty much says 'I'm going to be here forever.' Sure, driving will probably soon become obsolete due to the popularity of Didi, Meituan Dianping venturing into the ride-hailing game and self-driving cars being trialled in Beijing and Shanghai, but it should come in useful if you ever want to hire a car on a trip somewhere, or, we don't know, get the kids to school on time...

You're heavily invested in a local subculture or scene

You might be a huge supporter of a popular community event like Unravel, on the administrative board of a local sports organisation or a regular at a weekly pub quiz or pilates class. Whatever it is you do, you've invested a lot of time into it and without realising, you've become part of the furniture. It wouldn't be the same without you if you left. Simon without Garfunkel; Bert without Ernie; Han Solo without Chewbacca; Homeslice without the pizza. So, yeah, you have to stay...

Nothing shocks you anymore

From a big name celebrity being in town to seeing something downright weird on the metro, you've been here so long that nothing surprises you anymore. Yes, that is Emma Watson dressed as Belle from Beauty and the Beast twirling around on the roof of The Peninsula. Of course an American woman tried to auction herself off at the People's Park marriage market. Ronaldo's here? Yeah, makes sense. Why wouldn't that dog be wearing shoes? You've seen it all and you're immune to it all.

You've settled down, maybe without even realising

You've made quite the life for yourself here, haven't you? You've got the apartment, the job, the pet dog, the Family Mart loyalty card – everything's looking pretty cushty. You've also got the long-term partner. Yeah, you've been together two and a half years already. That crept up on you, didn't it? You live together; you've met each other's friends and colleagues; you've met their parents – this is serious, isn't it? Things have come a long way since you met each other that drunken night at Yuyintang. You'd only leave Shanghai if they wanted to and they seem pretty happy here for the time being. There's nothing for you back home anyway...

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