5 conversations you're going to have at work after Golden Week
Gifs: via Giphy
So, you're almost back at work after a week of holiday and you'd rather be literally anywhere else – and that includes battling the crowds at Hongqiao Railway Station. You've had your fun and now must un-mute all the office group chats and return to reality. Your boss, desk bud and the 'loves a chat by the water cooler' guy are all back in your life. Here is every conversation you're going to have to endure this week. Ah, isn't it good to be back – said no one ever.
'How was your holiday?'
The old classic. Regardless of how incredible (or disastrous) your holiday was, a response of 'yeah, good' is always the safest option. Do not elaborate any further than this. You should also be very careful when asking this question back to someone. Feigning interest in the holiday of the wrong colleague could result in you having an Instagram/Moments feed shoved in your face and an incoming Facebook friend request that you're going to have to dodge until the end of eternity. Although to be fair, your desk buddy's trip to Moganshan looked wonderful – just never let them know that...
'Why didn't you go away for your holiday?'
'Because you don't pay me enough!' Try to avoid this answer if asked the question by your boss. You heard that every man and his dog (and a couple of the dog's friends) would be travelling around China this week and you simply didn't want to be part of it. You loved your staycation – most of which was spent alternating between your bed and sofa – and will be the first person to champion your week of sloth should anyone doubt your choice. Sure, Moganshan sounds wonderful, but that's not where your TV, fridge and the latest series of BoJack Horseman are. You're happy with your decision.
'So many emails'
Your colleague sitting opposite claims to have a lot of emails. You don't believe that... who sends work emails during Golden Week? Who is emailing you? Why so much inbox action? You log in to your account, worried about the potential bombardment of messages, to find a solitary email. It's a forwarded message from the Moganshan tourism board...
'I wish I was still on holiday'
Can a statement be rhetorical? Of course, we all want to still be on holiday. It's not like you've spent the last week reminiscing about your morning commute, Microsoft Office and the keyboard shortcut for an en dash.
'Shall we just go home early, haha?'
No, we can't do that. It's literally our job to be here. You appreciate this was suggested as a joke (at 10.15am), but goddammit, too soon. You made that gag last year. At least come up with some new material.