10 of the tackiest Halloween costumes to buy on Taobao

Images: via Taobao

It's coming up to Halloween, the one time of the year where we abandon all thoughts of what's appropriate and celebrate all that's scary, sinister and just plain ridiculous.

Despite quite a few of these numbers committing crimes against all that's decent and tasteful, a bunch of these are also a bit of a laugh. And if you can't look like a total knob (literally in the case of one of the costumes) at one of Shanghai's many Halloween parties, then when can you?

If for some reason you want to buy one of the costumes below, extract the QR code in the image and copy the link into your web browser or Taobao app.

'Halloween' biblical costumes

Christmas and Halloween collide in these festively confused get-ups. If you're used to people seeing you and shouting 'JESUS CHRIST', then hey, feel free to go with it. 10-79RMB.

Pumpkin

Let's head to the produce section, and check out this pumpkin number. Who said big, round, orange fruit couldn't be sexy? Probably most people, but it's Halloween, which is now occasionally synonymous with 'just dress like that fruit has sex appeal'. 233RMB.

I'm a bat, man

If, in some alternate universe, Bruce Wayne lost his parents' fortune and wandered into a furry party, then this is the costume we imagine the caped crusader would come up with. You're unlikely to be mistaken for a billionaire-turned vigilante, but at least your head will be warm. 160-238RMB.

The Doge

The quintessential Halloween costume for millennials, this costume is for anyone who's ever had the dream of being a walking meme. This one's actually from Tmall, but look how versatile it is! Wear it under a tree, wear it on a bike, wear it for the laziest bank robbery ever. So amaze. Very doge. Much scare. Wow. 60RMB.

'Custom' ninja costume

Apparently a unisex costume, this purple ninja look will be great for anyone wanting to blend into a Shanghai crowd, with a handy built-in face mask for polluted days. Ninja's wear bright colours, right? Though it may look cheap, it's online for quite a penny, so we're hoping that whatever the 'customisable' part of the costume is, it's rather great. 350RMB.

Inflatable princess costume

Be the princess you always wanted to be, be a comforting balloon. Take up space at any party with this number and make sure everyone knows how pretty in pink you are. 200RMB.

Inflatable chicken costume

While we're on the subject of inflatable things, check out this hot chicken. Possibly coming out of an egg, possibly returning to the hell from whence it came, this costume also features completely unnecessary yellow flaps for your feet. 290RMB.

Qing Imperial Minister ghost

Pretend to be a B-grade imperial minister risen from the grave. While the costume's actual delivery is certainly lacking a bit, we're giving them bonus points for sheer creativity. 65-120RMB.

A Dad-bod tummy addition

Show off a beautiful Dad-bod (especially if you don't have one) with this fantastic addition to any costume. For even more class this Halloween, make sure to store snacks and beer in your tacky tum. 137RMB.

An actual phallus

Forego any pretence of subtlety and just go with a costume that will leave no one questioning. It comes in different colours as well, including pink, brown and 'skin', in what we assume is an honest yet questionable attempt at diversity. 330RMB.

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