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手机和我,你选哪个?丨Is phubbing ruining your relationship?

2018-04-08 CD君 CHINADAILY

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You and your partner finally get into that hot new restaurant and it's as fabulous as you heard. 


终于,您和您的伴侣走进了那家红极一时、梦寐以求的餐厅。它真是和大家描述的一样完美。



But after the two of you order, he whips out his phone and starts a new round of mobile game King of Glory


然而,俩人刚刚愉快地点完菜,他便娴熟地掏出手机开了新一局“王者荣耀”。



Ten minutes later, he absent-mindedly begins scrolling.


十分钟过后,他又开始漫不经心地刷起了屏幕。



Is this your life?


Your partner spends more time paying attention to his phone rather than taking care of your feelings. And there are more instances: 


比起照顾您的感受,您的伴侣似乎在“照顾手机”上花了更多时间。这还不够:

♪ If there is a lull in your conversation, your partner will check the cell phone.


一旦聊天期间安静几秒,您的另一半就开始看手机。


♪ If the cell phone rings or beeps, your partner pulls it out even if you are in the middle of a conversation. 


甚至您们聊得热火朝天时,电话一响或是震动,他就忙着拿起手机。


♪ Your partner takes the phone in his hand whenever he is with you, even in bed. 


即便是和您一起在床上,也依然手里攥着个手机。


If you are frequently experiencing the above circumstances, then your partner is probably "phubbing" or phone snubbing, you, and that could mean bad news for your relationship.


如果您总经历上述情形,那么,您的伴侣很可能“与手机出轨”了。他只顾着玩手机而冷落了您,这可不利于你们恋情继续发展。 



Most know what it's like to be phubbed: You're in the middle of a passionate screed only to realize that your partner's attention is elsewhere. 


大家都知道被冷落的感觉:您充满激情地滔滔不绝时,却发现他的注意力早不在这里了。


But you've probably also been a perpetrator, finding yourself drifting away from a conversation as you scroll through your Wechat Moments.


当然,您也许也是那个“出轨者”,在聊天中偶尔也会心不在焉,不自觉地刷起了朋友圈。


How to combat phubbing?



❶ Follow strict rules

对自己严格要求


If you're a chronic phubber, creating and following strict technology rules, such as putting your phone away while eating dinner, can help you form new habits. 


如果您是低头族晚期,那就给自己制定一套严格的科技产品使用规定,并坚决遵守。例如,吃饭时把手机放在碰不到的位置,养成新的好习惯。



Some families and friends use the "phone stack" method when eating, either at home or at restaurants. Everyone has to put their phone in a stack on the table.


有些家人或朋友们会在饭桌或者家里使用“叠手机”的方法:每个人都交出手机,并摞成一叠放在餐桌上。


Other attention-based practices, like meditation and mindfulness, may also help re-train your attentional capacity.


还可以尝试一下集中注意力的训练方法,如冥想和静观,也能帮您重新训练保持专注的能力。



❷ Have empathy and speak up 

多点同理心,也大胆说出你的想法


If you're the one being phubbed, don't get always mad but try to shift perspective. Be patient and compassionate and don't take offense, because your partner is following an impulse.


如果您是被冷落的一方,不要总是着急发火,试着转变一下态度。要有耐心和同情心,别逼得太紧,因为对方只是难以抑制自己玩手机的冲动。



Do, however, take the time to calmly explain how phubbing makes you feel, especially if the person isn't as bothered by the behavior as you are. 


尤其是当您的伴侣并没有意识到“与手机出轨”会带给您不好的感受时,花些时间冷静地向TA解释这种行为其实让您很困扰。


Some real talk


None of us are about to forgo our phones, and sometimes, we have legitimate reasons to stay glued to them. 


没有人会彻底跟手机告别,而且有时,我们粘着手机其实是有正当理由的。



While cutting back on phone use, especially when it comes to the time-sucking infinite scroll that is social media, is a good and lofty goal, we also have to be understanding of the fact that sometimes phones are a necessary evil. 


缩减手机使用时间是个崇高而美丽的目标,尤其是当你把时间花在无穷无尽又耗时费心的社交媒体上。但我们也不得不承认,有时候手机也是“不可不要的恶魔”。


It would take a societal push — something bigger than any of us as individuals — to really cut back on phone use, because if you're not willing to be connected to the office 24/7, right now, your boss can easily find someone who will.


少玩手机需要社会的助力,仅有个体的力量是不够的,因为如果您不想全天候收到办公消息,您的老板当然可以轻易为你找个替补。



编辑:焦洁,沈哲远(实习生)

Editors: Jiao Jie, Shen Zheyuan (intern)

Sources: NBC, Time, UrbanDaddy 


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