为什么越长大越孤单？丨Why is it harder to make friends as we age?
Back when we were kids, making friends was as simple as asking "can I play with you?". We didn't have to go looking for playmates because they were always around, and the time we could spend with them seemed endless.
回想儿时，只需要问一句“能一起玩吗”就算交到了朋友。我们不用特意去寻找，小朋友们就在身边。与他们玩耍的时光似乎无休无止。
How time flies! Nowadays we have to go to work, or college, and can't seem to find the time to spend with friends anymore. Even worse, we have fewer of them. Making friends isn't easy, either, now that we're all grown up.
时光飞逝。忙碌奔波的我们与朋友在一起的时间变少了，更可怕的是，我们的朋友也变少了。同样扎心的是，长大之后交朋友变难了。
But why should this be? Well, here are few possible reasons.
为什么会这样呢！仔细一想也是有原因的。
A lack of the right ingredients
缺少“友谊要素”
Schools are the perfect environment for making friends. Within their walls, children can find all of the three key ingredients that sociologists consider necessary for forming close friendships:
学校完美地满足了社会学家所说的“友谊三要素”：
"proximity;
repeated, unplanned interactions;
and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other."
接近、非计划性的重复接触，以及鼓励人们放下防备坦诚交流的机会。
Think about it, our best friends were usually our classmates or roommates, not the girl in another class or boy from a different school.
回想一下，我们的密友基本上是同班同学或者室友，而不是隔壁班小花或者那个学校小明。
Unfortunately, by the time we're ready to enter the world of work, conflicting schedules can make it difficult to maintain friendships — even for roommates!
可惜，踏出校园之后，我们各奔东西，即使是室友也很难有大面积重叠的生活轨迹。
Without the perfect friend-making ingredients, we have to take the initiative and put aside time for hanging out together.
“友谊要素”的缺乏意味着维系关系比以前困难，我们需要主动联系，花时间增进感情。
Growing independence
对朋友依赖降低
Undoubtedly, the older we get, the less reliant we become on the friends that we had when we were young.
毋庸置疑，长大后的我们不再像以前那样与好友相互依赖。
This is partly because we begin to crave some time alone, and partly because of the relationships we start to form with other people, such as romantic partners, co-workers and relatives.
一方面是因为我们需要一些独处的机会，另一方面，我们逐步建立了更多更复杂的人际关系，如伴侣、同事和亲属。
These relationships are often more intimate, more routine or more formal than our childhood friendships, making the latter seem less important by comparison.
与伴侣、同事或亲人的联系比朋友亲密、日常或正式。朋友不再是不可或缺的，他们的重要性便自然下降。
According to Emily Langan, assistant professor of communication at Wheaton College in the United States, friendships are unique because we choose to enter into them, unlike familial relationships.
麻省惠顿学院的副教授 Emily Langan认为，友谊的自愿性意味着它没有正式结构。
They also lack the formal structure of other voluntary bonds such as marriages and romantic relationships. In the hierarchy of relationships, friendships are at the bottom.
不像恋爱、婚姻或家庭关系那样受到责任或义务的约束。在关系等级中，它排在最后。
Internal roadblocks
“内路故障”
As well as the practical barriers of proximity and independence, we adults throw up our own inner roadblocks that prevent us from forming friendships.
除了客观上的限制，成年人难交朋友也有主观上的原因。
Whereas when we were children we would simply look for a playmate, we now apply various filters to the process — searching instead for someone who holds similar values, enjoys similar hobbies and has a similar way of life.
小时候交朋友本质上是寻找玩伴，能在一起做游戏就行了。但成熟之后，我们会筛选和自己价值观类似、兴趣爱好相同，以及更多方面“门当户对”的人。
We may also be held back by popular misconceptions, such as the idea that we should not be close friends with colleagues, that real friends are only made in grade school, or that it's impossible to be friends with members of the opposite sex.
同样，我们会受到社会观念的限制，比如“同事不适合做朋友”，“最好的朋友只可能在学生时代”，“异性之间没有单纯友谊”等。
People change, friendships change. As adults, we may be pessimistic about making friends, but it's unrealistic to try and form the same friendships we had in college or middle school.
我们在改变，友谊也一样。我们也许对于成年世界太过悲观，但找寻学生时代去卫生间都要一起的友谊是不现实的。
It's sad to think that we no longer rely on our friends as much as we used to, but this change allows us to embrace more mature relationships based on understanding and tolerance. It's not ideal, but it's real!
不再依赖朋友的事实令人惋惜，但这正是拥抱更成熟的友谊的契机。成年人的友谊基于相互理解，基于对物理距离的宽容。这虽然不是理想的状态，却真实。
编辑：张曦
实习：林语琴
中文参考：好奇心日报
Things that make you go 'uh-oh'
朋友一生一起走 ❤