一位麻省理工毕业美国姑娘，谈论她的中国潮州男朋友所作所为
很多人总喜欢说，中国男人不受外国女孩子喜欢，什么中国男人没情趣了等等，但是我今天要给大家看一个美国女孩子，她找了个中国潮州男朋友。
先来看这位姑娘：
看到没：
B.S. from Massachusetts Institute of TechnologyGraduated 2014
Massachusetts Institute of Technology（麻省理工）啊
那是我当初向往的学校啊
好吧，还是说人家姑娘吧
由于从女性的角度来看，与中国男人约会的答案很少，而且两年前我在网上进行自我搜索时几乎找不到任何在线内容，因此，我将根据自己的经历尝试填补互联网空白与出生并成长的中国大陆人约会。
搭建舞台：我的伴侣在深圳出生和长大（是的，他确实是，我们当时还很年轻）。他上过中国的高中和大学。他从未获得过H1B或其他工作签证；他第一次离开中国是来美国拜访我。
关于我：我在美国长大，然后在那上了大学。我约会过来自多个种族背景的多个人，但都来自美国。我从小就开始约会，22岁大学毕业后移居中国。
我们如何会面：我们在中国见面。一开始，我立即被他的精力或灵气所吸引，但他对英语的了解不多，我只说了几句中文。我们真的没有机会聚在一起，但我们仍然彼此见面，因为我们彼此喜欢。
第一个日期-我注意到：第一个“日期”根本不是日期。这是一个“中文课”。无论如何，他还是先带我去吃晚饭，然后教我如何做。第二天早上他也给我带来早餐。我真的很奇怪（他是自以为是吗？）
第二次约会-我注意到：在第二次“约会”时，他带着一个装满东西的背包到达了。就其本身而言，它们并不是真正的礼物……他带来了一堆纸巾，居家鞋，灭蚊剂，空气清新剂，其他小日用品……然后又是早餐。
什么。的。他妈的。
好的，现在我真的不知道发生了什么，但是我还是接受了礼物。
当我问时，他说“不要想太多”。嗯...好吗？
后来我发现，第一次约会时，他环顾了我的房子，发现我遗失了很多必需品，于是他买了些东西并带给我。这是他表现出对我关心的方式。他的意思是“不要想太多”，“不要对此有更大的含义”或“不要被冒犯”。
他不认为他的家人会接受我，但最终他咬了咬牙要我做他的女朋友，这意味着他将不得不慢慢地与家人分离，直到他们也接受我。这个过程比我们想象的要快；）
你问有一个中国男朋友感觉如何？
我会尽力分解它。
呼吸着新鲜空气。他几乎反射地照顾了我的基本需求。他总是把纸巾放在口袋里，把房子摆满必需品，洗衣服，为我做饭，或者带我零食或礼物回家。他总是让我感到惊讶，并首先考虑我的需求。作为伴侣，他是如此无私。你猜怎么着？他也照顾我家人的需要。在我们整个美国期间，他是整个夏天对我家庭的最大帮助。他们愿意每天给他付款，而他会说“有些事情您真的不愿意接受”。不用说，他们也爱他。
这是一次冒险。我从未停止向伴侣学习。我喜欢生活在另一个国家，以及学习和理解文化和语言所带来的挑战。他带我去了两个家乡探望他的祖父母。他的父母只会说潮州话，所以他们只向我教课（那有多酷？！）。在中国，以及东西方文化的交汇处，都有大量的创业机会。我们一起思考和讨论这些机会……我认为我们已经准备好进入第二个机会。
这是生活的新视角。我真的很欣赏东方文化的一些生活和健康哲学；我将永远不会被他们所接触，并在没有我的伴侣的情况下被迫实践其中一些哲学。他教我更好地照顾自己的健康，教我爱更多，生活得更好，成为更好的生活伴侣。当他说“每天微笑！”时，我常常翻白眼。但是现在，没有。这一切都有一定意义。他真的改变了我对生活，幸福，家庭，健康的看法。.-所有重要的事情。
真令人沮丧 他的家人花了一年多的时间接受我，在那段时间，即使我们一起生活，我们也秘密约会。他的中国护照限制了我们可以一起度假或根本不去的地方。我们总是担心他会在美国边境被拒之门外（他上次被拘留了4个小时）。与美国相比，中国的工资水平低下，因此他被迫成为企业家或提高英语水平，以在美国就业。语言和文化障碍仍然妨碍我们充分沟通。我们不能总是理解另一个。我的家人不太“了解”他，这需要一段时间，但他们真的很喜欢他。我不确定他们是否接受他为婚姻材料。
令人心碎。有时，这些交流障碍比他们应有的要高得多，而且如果我们说相同的母语或来自相同的文化，我们所进行的斗争将永远不会发生。有时，生活在两个不同国家中的动荡会加剧战斗。我是美国的企业家，在美国有实体商品。他不能只住在美国；他是中国人。我们必须来回走动，使事情保持顺畅发展。那会花费很多钱，并且会导致很多挫败感。我们没有一些朋友和家人所拥有的稳定性。我们希望美国能够接受我们的结婚要求并给我们K-1签证。我发誓，我们最大的担忧始终与美国和签证有关。
绝对值得。最后，我们都只希望有人爱护我们。是的，我们面临很多障碍，有时我们甚至把这些障碍摆在我们之间。但是我从未像在这段恋情中那样感到过被爱，欣赏，支持或照顾。其中很多是文化的，有些只是他的。无论如何，由于他的关系，我对应该怎样建立关系的整体看法已经改变。
如果您想知道和西方男朋友在一起会是什么样？好吧，有时候我的中国男朋友的行为仍然像个孩子，但至少他是一个非常体贴，无私的孩子。对于以前的约会经历，我不能说相同的话。
附上英文，满足部分读者需要
Since there’s very few answers from a woman’s perspective about dating a Chinese guy, and I couldn’t find almost anything online 2 years ago when I was doing the online searching myself, I’ll try to fill an internet void by speaking from my experience dating a born + raised Chinese mainlander.
To set the stage: My partner was born and raised in Shenzhen (yes, he really was, we really are that young). He went to highschool and college in China. He’s never had an H1B or other work visa; his first time leaving China was to come visit me in the states.
About me: I grew up in the states and went to college there. I’ve dated multiple guys from multiple racial backgrounds, but all from the US. I started dating when I was young, and moved to China after college at 22.
How we met: We met in China. In the beginning, I was immediately drawn to his energy or aura, but he didn’t know much English and I spoke only a few words of Chinese. We really didn’t have a chance in hell of getting together, but we kept seeing each other anyway because we liked each other.
The first date - what I noticed: The first “date” was not a date at all; it was a “Chinese lesson”. He took me to dinner first anyway, and taught me through it. He had brought me breakfast for the next morning, too. I was really weirded out (was he being presumptuous?)
The second date - what I noticed: On the second “date” he arrived with a backpack full of goodies. They weren’t really gifts, per se… he brought a bunch of tissues, house shoes, mosquito killer, air freshener, other small household items.. and again, breakfast.
What. The. Fuck.
Ok now I really had no idea what was going on, but I accepted the gifts anyway.
When I asked, he said “don’t think too much”. Uh… ok?
I found out later that on the first date he had looked around my house and noticed that I was missing a lot of essentials, so he bought them and brought them over for me. This was his way of showing that he cared for me. By “dont think too much” he meant, “don’t take any larger meaning from this” or “don’t be offended”.
He didn’t think his family would accept me, but eventually he bit the bullet and asked me to be his girlfriend, which meant he would have to slowly chip away at his family until they could accept me, too. That process was faster than we thought it would be ;)
What does it feel like to have a Chinese boyfriend, you ask?
I’ll break it down the best I can.
It’s a breath of fresh air. He takes care of my basic needs almost reflexively. He’s always got tissues in his pocket, stocks the house with necessities, does the laundry, cooks for me or brings me home small food or gifts. He’s always surprising me and thinking of my needs first. As a partner, he’s so selfless. And guess what? He takes care of my family’s needs, too. He was the biggest helper to my family this entire summer while we were in the states. They would offer to pay him daily and he would say “some things you really cannot accept payment for” Needless to say, they’re in love with him too.
It’s an adventure. I never stop learning from my partner. I love living in another country, and the challenges that come with learning and understanding the culture and language. He’s taken me to visit his grandparents in both hometowns. His parents only speak Teochew well, so they’ve resorted to just teaching it to me (how cool is that?!). There’s plenty of entrepreneurial opportunities in China, and at the intersectionality of western and eastern culture. We think about and discuss these opportunities together… I think we’re about ready to jump into our second one.
It’s a new perspective on life. I really appreciate some of the life and health philosophies of eastern culture; I would have never been exposed to them and forced to live some of these philosophies without my partner. He’s taught me to take better care of my health, taught me to love more, live better and be a better life partner. I used to roll my eyes when he’d say “smile everyday!” but now, no. There’s some sense to it all. He’s really turned around my outlook on life, happiness, family, wellness.. you know - all the important things.
It’s frustrating. His family took over a year to accept me, and during that time we were secretly dating even though we lived together. His Chinese passport limits where we can go together on vacation, or at all. We’re always worried he’ll get turned away at the US border (he was detained for 4 hours last time). Wages in China are shit compared to the US, so he’s forced to be an entrepreneur or get his English to a high enough standard to get hired in the US. Language and cultural barriers still get in the way of us communicating fully. We can’t always understand the other one. My family doesn’t quite “get” him, and that’s going to take a while, but they really like him all the same. I’m just not sure yet if they accept him as marriage material.
It’s heartbreaking. Sometimes those communication barriers are much higher than they should be, and we have fights that would’ve never happened had we spoken the same native language or been from the same culture. Sometimes the fights are aggravated by the instability that living in two different countries causes. I’m an entrepreneur in the US with physical goods in the US. He can’t just live in the US; he’s Chinese. We have to go back and forth to be together and keep things moving with business. That costs and lot of money and causes a lot of frustration. We don’t have the stability that some of our friends and family have. We hope that the US can accept our petition to marry and give us a K-1 visa. Our biggest worries always have to do with the US and visas, I swear.
It’s definitely worth it. In the end, we all just want someone to love and care about us. Yes, we face a lot of obstacles, and sometimes we even put those obstacles between ourselves. But I’ve never felt more loved, appreciated, supported, or taken care of than I have in this relationship. A lot of that is cultural, some of it is just him. In any case, my entire outlook on what a relationship should be has changed because of him.
If you wanted to know what it’s like versus a western boyfriend? Well, sometimes my Chinese boyfriend still acts like a kid, but at least he’s a very thoughtful, selfless kid. I can’t say the same for previous dating experiences.
在她的文章下面，接下来出现了一位潮州的美国女婿，我就不截图英文了，直接翻译。
我是美国白人妇女，所以我想我有资格成为西方妇女。
我碰巧认为中国男人是我见过的最帅的男人。我也碰巧认为他们的个性也很棒。
我上周告诉某人，我希望我可以创建一个在线约会/配对服务，以匹配来自西方国家的中国男女。在中国，男人与女人的比例不成比例，以至于中国男人可能不得不在中国之外寻找妻子，即使还没有的话。
麻烦的是，中国男人有错误的定型观念，西方女人有错误的定型观念。
并非所有的中国男人都非常矮或有“小包装”，也不是所有的西方女人都是物质上的或滥交的。
如果我可以花一点时间，特别是中国大陆的男士们，我想分享一些信息，如果您对来自美国的女士感兴趣，这些信息可能会对您有所帮助。没有特别的顺序：
我们的约会文化与您的约会文化大不相同。我了解您打算结婚。但是，如果您在前几天结婚，那么您很可能会吓到一个西方女人。在您开始谈论严肃的事情之前，她会想非常了解您。
自信点。每个人在与要问的人打招呼时都会害怕被拒绝，尽管这不公平，但您知道某些女性对中国男性的刻板印象，因此您会犹豫与西方女性打交道。但是当您接近她时，您必须表现出自信。实际上，您必须有足够的信心来接近她。如果她接近您，并且您想进一步了解她，那就同意约会。您可能会被拒绝，但这并不意味着下一个女人会拒绝您。
要知道，在美国，年轻人开始约会的年龄比中国年轻。您感兴趣的女人可能在您之前有几个男朋友。她可能与他们发生过性行为，因此不是处女。（并非总是如此，但要意识到，西方女性更有可能）。如果她有更多约会的经验，并且在性方面尝试避免让您感到困扰。
尽管西方女性可以保持开放的胸怀，但仍有一些我们认为不合适的问题。例如，不要问她某些身体部位的大小。不要评论她的体重。机智通常会受到赞赏。
同样，请理解，许多西方女性比中国女性更重。与许多中国妇女相比，许多西方妇女的身材各不相同。而且许多西方女性的臀部会随着分娩或年龄的增长而扩大。我们的身体年龄也往往比中国人快。
“ Sajiao”不是美国的概念。如果您想让西方女友风骚又撒娇，您需要向她解释一下。对西方女性而言，这不是中国女性的第二天性。在大多数情况下，它会作为孩子而受到纪律处分。
学会说“我爱你”。是的，您倾向于通过自己的举止或为家人提供的服务来表达爱意，但是美国女性却不同。处于认真的关系后，您需要经常说出来。
孝道不是西方的观念。您将必须教女友这意味着什么，以及它在您家庭中的样子，因为她可能对此一无所知。
带她去见父母之前，请按适当的礼节教她。如果她不知道要送礼物给父母，在到达时脱鞋，与父母打交道的正确方法以及筷子礼节，那么您需要事先指导她以便做好准备。
祝好运。如果她对中国男人的先入为主的刻板印象是消极的或不正确的，那么请向她展示中国男人的真实魅力。
女士们，给这些男人一个机会。很多时候你不会后悔。
所以最后，告诉中国男人，努力去追美国女孩子吧！悄悄地说下：她们不要求有房有车。
其他的，你们自己体会啊！