过年How?: Visiting the Burns Unit With Dominic of Plastered 8
We quiz some long-term Beijingers on how they intend to spend this year's Chinese New Year and hopefully uncover some horror stories along the way. 过年How, y'all?
After almost three decades, Dominic Johnson-Hill of Beijing institution Plastered 8 has seen it all... exploding fireworks, toothpaste remedies, and giant glasses of baijiu included. But these days, his family of six work their Western magic to calm the tense moments with their Chinese family over New Year.
What's your full name and where are you from?
Dominic Johnson-Hill. The UK.
What does your average CNY entail? Where are you headed this year?
Every Chinese New Year we stay in Beijing, because we've been here so many years (myself 27, and my wife 20), we have Chinese friends that are like family. So we have long dinners and lunches with our Chinese family, go to Ditan Temple Fair and do the 串门儿 chuànmén er, pay respects to the family. We have people that we have worked with at Plastered for many years, as it's a Beijing-based business so it's a time to go visit all of these very special people.
Tell us about a particular CNY nightmare that you've encountered.
I'm an avid firework fan and ten years ago I used to hold a firework party at Gulou (you can't do that anymore cos I was worried about burning down Gulou. Now I let off fireworks at friends' houses). So I've had two nightmare Chinese New Years. One where I was drunk and I put a box of small rockets upside down. I couldn't find the fuse so I pulled off the paper on the outside, lit the short fuse, and it exploded in my face. I ended up in a room with a bunch of old Beijingers putting toothpaste on my face. I promised my wife "no more fireworks."
Toothpaste: TCM for treating burns
Then four years later I walked past a firework stand and some guy recognized me from TV which I was very happy about cos it doesn't happen all the time, and he insisted on giving me some Chinese sparklers that shoot out flames for my kids. So we went back to our courtyard house and I lit one, and it blew up in my hand. Very unlucky. I ended up going to the burns unit with my wife, who thought I was incredibly stupid. We were there for hours and there was a guy in the waiting room opposite us who had his whole foot blown up. My wife looked at me and said, "I think it's time to give up on the fireworks." That was the last time that I let off fireworks ... although I might still let off some bangers outside my stores for good luck this year.
Which dishes do you particularly look forward to gorging on every year?
At some of the traditional Chinese family lunches that we have, the men do the cooking and the women hang around the table eating peanuts. What I really look forward to are obviously jiaozi, a big pot of garlic soaked in vinegar until they turn green, and one big glass of baijiu. It's very dangerous doing baijiu in shots, but in one big glass you see how much you're drinking. I usually smoke as well. Chinese New Year is a time for me to drink baijiu, eat raw garlic, and smoke. And all the men sit at one table and all the women sit at another. That's really when I'm at my element, talking sh*t with the guys.
What are three tips for avoiding the excesses of eating and drinking that CNY is defined by?
Don't avoid the excess. Life is short and these times of years are meant for excess. I don't hold back, in fact, I look forward to putting on weight and eating sh*tloads during Chinese New Year. It's the one time of the year where people in China who work their asses off (much longer hours than we do in the West) get a week off a year and go from being very pragmatic to being very irresponsible – eating lots, setting off fireworks, doing dangerous things, smoking. So I celebrate that. I don't hold back. My top tip would be don't hold back. Enjoy it.
Fireworks in action
How do you deflect awkward family questions?
A lot of the Chinese families we spend New Year with love having us there cos we're a Western family. It's like we hold the family together because they are too embarrassed to behave badly while we are around. So the embarrassing questions that get thrown around and the usual arguments don't happen. We get booked up a lot for different Beijing family lunches and dinners. We're a kind of calming force. We don't get awkward questions – if anything, we help the families avoid them.
When are you getting married?
I'm happily married to the most beautiful woman on Earth.
What are you going to spend your hongbao haul on?
I don't really get hongbao cos I'm a boss so I give out a lot of hongbao. But my kids get a lot of hongbao. There are certain families we make an extra effort to visit cos we know the kids will get enormous hongbao. And depending on the family financial situation, we'll confiscate them.
Do you think this year's New Year Gala will include: racism, sexism, ageism, or all of the above?
We watch the 春晚 chūn wǎn every year pretty much from start to finish in the courtyard behind my shop with Kang Ayi who has worked in my shop for 13 years. I won't hear a bad word about it. For us it's a family tradition, we absolutely love it. All the eccentricities that come are brilliant. We're in an alien culture, so love the fact that there is different and weird sh*t that happens. My whole family love the chun wan. We eat peanuts and snacks after dinner, then start eating jiaozi around midnight and watch the chun wan. I think it's mostly watched in the north of China, so we like to celebrate that in Beijing.
"More baijiu"
What do you predict the Year of the Pig holds for you?
We all live crazy lives in China and so much sh*t happens in a year, so when we get to the end of the year and look back, we can't believe that we made it though, especially as an entrepreneur. To be honest, I revel in that. I love the fact that life is so interesting and has so many challenges here. So I'll be like a pig in sh*t. A hog in a rut. And hope I make it through to the next New Year, the Year of the Rat, which is my year.
Need to brush up on your Mandarin phrases for CNY? Get it here.
Photos courtesy of Dominic Johnson-Hill
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