Throwback Thursday: Cheesy Pickup Lines for Book Lovers
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Throwback Thursday takes a look back into Beijing's past, using our 11-year-strong blog archives to glance at the weird and wonderful of yesteryear.
"Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?" Yes, pickup lines are back! Truth be told, they never went away, they just transitioned from genuine, real-life use to a purely ironic artform, like everything else that lived through the '90s. Goddamn Friends, it ruined everything.
This week, in light of the ongoing Bookworm International Literary Festival, we look back at one blog that graced this website back in 2014, which laid out several select cuts of cheesy pickup lines for book-lovers. As we all know, Beijing can be a lonely place, and having a few one-liners up your sleeve can do wonders for your romantic prospects, even if you spout them with a knowing smile on your face. The virile and undulating sexiness of literary events doesn't end when the microphones are switched off, don't you know?
Below are some of the lines that former Beijinger staffers used to get them through dry spells, annotated with our 2019 commentary:
"Oh, don't be fooled – this tweed jacket with elbow patches doesn't stay on all night." Is he a college professor? Does he only wear this to book stores? We don't know, but we love it.
"I wouldn't describe myself as 'book smart' – I'd rather say that I'm 'book sexy.'" A sapiosexual's dream come true.
"Hey, are you free tonight? I don't have a thesaurus at home." Oh yes, tell me how many rare words you know. What can be a bigger turn-on for a book lover than sycophantic allusions to their superior language skills?
"I never judge a book by its cover. I read hardcovers, so jackets and covers are something that I like to slip out of right away, don't you think?" 2014 was certainly a hot year – for books and for lovers!
"Why settle for metaphors? How about I turn that simile into a smile?" Pro tip, men: Women love nothing better than being told to smile. Try it next time you're walking down the street in New York!
You'll be gagging for some cleansing bible action after putting these bad-boy pickup lines to use
Not bad, not bad... but we can do better. Be warned: we are sworn lovers of the darker side of humor, so use the following Chinese-classics-tinged examples with caution, or risk landing a slap across the face instead of a date.
"I hope you don't mind that I brought a friend along. If everything goes right, tonight might become a Three Body Problem."
"Last night I was reading Cao Xueqin. Now I'm dreaming about your red chamber."
"You must be a library book because I can't stop checking you out."
"I can tell that you're a fan of Confucius, Cause everything about you is rite."
"Be my monkey king and I'll not only take you on a journey to the west, but also the south."
"Has anyone ever told you that you look like an ancient Chinese scroll? Because I can't stop looking you up and down."
"To me, you're like a bible – I'd like to open you up every Sunday."
"I must be a second edition print, 'cause my soft cover just got hard."
Need a place to try out your new lines? Head forth, children, and terrorize the Bookworm Literary Fest while there's still time.
Images: Unsplash
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