婚姻经营 ▎丈夫当从8个方面爱妻子（附英文原文）

“你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，不可苦待她们。”（西3:19）

当神说，“你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子”，他所说的妻子，是指整全的女人。他呼吁每个男人爱他整全的妻子，正如每个男人爱他整全的自己一样（以弗所书5:29）。这意味着丈夫必须尽其所能了解妻子的世界。

1爱她的心——情感之爱

丈夫应该使用言语表达对妻子的爱，女人天生喜欢听甜言蜜语，这是神造女人的一个特质。就像良人对他的佳偶所说：“我的佳偶，我的美人，起来！与我同去……求你容我得见你的面貌，得听你的声音；因为你的声音柔和，你的面貌秀美。”（雅歌2:10，14）。没有妻子不被丈夫这样的表达所感动。

2爱她的思想——理智之爱

●真正爱妻子的丈夫，会满有恩慈让他的妻子信服：对他而言，除神之外，妻子是世上最重要的人，是超越其他一切的。

●理智之爱也意味着与妻子进行思想交流。很多男性通过思想内涵、不俗的谈吐，赢得了他们妻子的芳心，但太多的男人没有把这种习惯带进婚姻里面。

3爱她的身体——身体之爱

●丈夫有责任在最基本的层面上，努力满足妻子身体的需要。有能力却不持续供应妻子身体需要的人，并不爱妻子。

●丈夫也有责任帮助妻子作神的好管家，最大限度善用他们的家庭收入。

●身体之爱也是称赞的爱，妻子无需成为超级名模才能得到经常、真诚的称赞。

●身体之爱必须是排他性的，多看其他女人一眼，或者对她们的美容念念不忘，这都是毁灭性的，丈夫都必须尽力讨自己妻子的喜悦（哥林多前书7：3,33）。

4爱她的灵魂——属灵之爱

男人经常疏忽一样最大的责任，就是培养妻子成为敬虔的人。这意味着要多多祷告，作深思熟虑的决定，即使这些决定可能并不受欢迎。就算妻子上周伤害了你，你们今天还是要一同祷告，并为她代祷；你即使很忙，也一定要有家庭敬拜。这些都是爱的流露。

5爱她的关系——关系之爱

●对于有了孩子的夫妻来说，关系之爱可能要求丈夫保护妻子免受“最亲密家属”的伤害。孩子不尊重妈妈，爸爸需要迅速而坚定地施行管教。

●坚持不在孩子面前与妻子吵架，并要在孩子面前经常表达你对妻子的爱和尊重。

●如有需要就给妻子“放假”，让她走出家门，培养她对其他事物及人群的关注，帮助她建立家庭之外的人际关系。

6爱她的人性——现实之爱

温柔对待妻子的软弱。让她知道，即使她犯罪，让你伤心，你依然爱她，为着她与你的不同而心怀感恩。即使妻子并不完美，丈夫仍当看她是神给自己的珍贵礼物。

7爱她的呼召——支持之爱

如果妻子最大的呼召就是顺服丈夫（歌罗西书3:18），那么丈夫就要帮助妻子顺服。一些妻子因为自己的丈夫很少树立正面榜样，就从未学会什么是合乎圣经原则的顺服。神说所有人都必须顺服正当的权柄（罗马书13:1），如果你自己不顺服，你就很难帮助你的妻子合乎圣经原则的顺服。

8爱造她的主——神学之爱

我们没有能力去爱，因为我们爱自己过于爱神，我们与爱的源头断绝了，这意味着你越爱神，你就越有能力真正爱你的妻子。神用无比的恩典吸引我们爱祂，赋予我们能力，使我们能彼此相爱。

基督爱我们全人：内心、思想、身体、灵魂、其他所有部分。只有明白当中的意义，才有能力遵行神的话语：“要爱你们的妻子，不可苦待她们。”

作者 William Boekestein是美国宾州卡本代尔Covenant Reformed教会的牧师。

文章来源：古旧福音网站

英文原文

Husbands, 8 Admonitions to Love Your Wife

By: William Boekestein

“Husbands,love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”(Col. 3:19, NKJV)

When God says, “Husbands, love your wives,” he speaks of the woman as a complex being. He calls every man tolove his whole wife just as every man loves his whole self (Eph. 5:29). Thismeans that a husband must do all he can to understand his wife’s world. What follows are eight admonitions to love our wives withrespect to their various facets.

1. Love Her Heart—Emotional Love

The Bible uses the word “love” over 350times. Almost 10% of these times are in the Song of Solomon (which comprisesless than 0.5 percent of Scripture). One thing we learn from this is that ahusband should use words to express his love for his wife. “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away! O my dove…let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice issweet, and your face is lovely” (Song 2:10). I know ofno woman who wouldn’t love to hear her husband speak toher like that.

2. Love Her Mind—Intellectual Love

A loving husband graciously convinces his wife that, to him,she is the most important person in the world. By this I don’t mean thathe persuades her that he will never leave her. That’snot good enough, of course. Does your wife know that you value her above allelse? Intellectual love also means engaging your wife’smind. Many men win the hand of their future wife by thoughtful, engaging,conversation. Too many men fail to take this habit into marriage.

3. Love Her Body—Physical Love

At the most basic level, by physical love a husband strives tomeet his wife’s physical needs. An able man who consistently chooses not toprovide for the physical needs of his wife does not love her. At the same time,men must help their wives steward God’s provisions inorder to maximize their earnings.

Physical love is also complimentary. Your wife needn’t be asupermodel to receive regular, sincere, compliments. Physical love must beexclusive. Taking second looks at other women or carrying on about their beautyis destructive. Each man must strive to please his own wife (1 Cor. 7:3,33)

4. Love Her Soul—Spiritual Love

Men tend to be task-oriented. But often we neglect one of ourgreatest responsibilities; the cultivation of godliness in our wives. We needto become comfortable with the phrase, “as for me and my house” (Josh. 24:14-15). Joshua understood that as a covenant head, hischoices had a profound impact of those under his care. He must always think ofthe spiritual good of his dependents.

This means making thoughtful, prayerful, decisions, even ifthey are unpopular. “We are going to church today even though that womanverbally hurt you last week. We must have family worship even with our busyschedule.” These are expressions of love.

5. Love Her Relationships—Relational Love

For couples with children, relational love may require ahusband to protect his wife from her “closest relatives.” Be swift and firm to discipline children for disrespecting mom.Resist contradicting her in front of the children. Give her “time off” when necessary. Outside of thehome, develop an interest in her friends. Help her to focus on friends that arebest for her.

6. Love Her Humanity—Realistic Love

Be tender in your wife’s failures. She needs to know that youlove her even if you are saddened by her sin. Be grateful that she is differentthan you. A loving husband sees his wife as God’s giftto him even if she is not perfect.

7. Love Her Calling—Supportive Love

If a wife’s greatest calling is to be submissive to herhusband (Col. 3:18), a loving husband helps his wife to be submissive. Somewives never learn biblical submission because their husbands rarely set apositive example. They fight against the council of the church. They speakblasphemously of civil authorities. They complain about their employer’s policies. Yet they demand full submission from their wives. Godsays, all men must submit to proper authority (Rom.13:1). You can hardly helpyour wife do this if you aren’t doing it yourself.

8. Love Her Maker—Theological Love

Ultimately, we are loveless because we love ourselves more thanwe love God and are dissatisfied with God’s provision. This means that the moreyou love God the better equipped you will be to truly love your wife.

By his matchless grace, God draws us to love him and empowersus to love others. Matthew Henry notes that the epistles which focus most onthe glory of divine grace, and the majesty of the Lord Jesus, “are the mostparticular…in pressing the duties of the severalrelations.” The gospel is the good news that the Son ofGod “loved me and gave Himself for me” (Gal. 2:20). Christ loves the whole Christian–heart, mind, body, soul–and every otherpart. Only as we come to terms with what that means will we be able to obey God’s word. “Husbands, love your wives and donot be bitter toward them.”

In an earlier post I considered the command in Colossians 3:19for husbands not to be bitter against their wives.

William Boekestein is the pastor of Covenant Reformed Church in Carbondale, PA.

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延伸阅读：

《圣徒的安息》作者谈如何做丈夫：041

《天路历程》作者谈如何做妻子：042

《写给我未来的弟兄》——请回复：005

《单身基督徒的六个问答》——请回复：010

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