写给丈夫们 | 爱妻子的３诫命２模板（附英文原文）
因着罪，丈夫会有忽视、滥用职权的倾向。所以，使徒保罗（Apostle Paul）在以弗所书5章第22至32节中教导关于丈夫的领导地位时，讲到爱妻子的三个诫命，并用两个模板帮助他们。
杰伊·亚当斯(Jay Adams)说得好：“丈夫知道如何滋养和珍爱自己的身体。如果他跌倒，胳膊被工具划破，血滴下来；他会赶快找到医药箱，小心翼翼地清洗伤口， 呵护它、滋养它、珍爱它。他还会在以后的六天中持续滋养、珍爱!”
希腊语言很好地解释了“滋养、珍爱”这两个最温柔的词语。对妻子来说，滋养是在她生活的各个方面以繁荣、成长的意图去满足身体、智力、情感、娱乐、社会、灵性的需要。珍爱是保持温暖，就像鸟用它的翅膀遮护幼鸟，去保护和珍重她。
这种样式的爱比第一种的标准更高， 它包括：
优先的爱：如同基督把教会放在首位；丈夫必须将他与妻子的关系优先于他的人际关系、爱好、运动、电脑等事物。
无与伦比的爱：如同耶稣只注目他的新娘； 因此，丈夫必须杜绝让他的眼睛和心智在任何其他的女人身上游荡、徘徊。
实践的爱：如同耶稣在行动中彰显他的爱；因此，丈夫应对家事、家庭责任提供助力。他的责任不应仅限于工作台上的薪水。
赞赏的爱：如同耶稣以深情的话语表达他对教会的爱；因此，丈夫应经常告诉他的妻子：他是多么地爱她，他对她尤为赞赏。
仁慈的爱：如同耶稣爱不值得爱的人；因此，丈夫不仅要在妻子吸引他的时候爱她，而且在她冒犯他的时候也要爱她。
主耶稣的爱：虽然保罗解释耶稣的爱是为了洗涤和净化教会，但这并不意味着丈夫成为狂热的吹毛求疵者、完美主义的挑剔者。相反，应记住蒂姆·凯勒(Tim Keller)在《婚姻的含义》中所描绘的愿景，你要在这正确的道路上坚持——在基督化婚姻的愿景中，这里的意思是坠入爱河。这是看到另外一个人，看到上帝所创造的人， 并说：“我看到上帝所造就的你，这令我兴奋！我想成为其中的一部分，我想在你以他为主的旅程中与你和神同行。当我们到达那里时，我将看到你的荣美，并说：‘我一直知道你会这样做，我的确看到了；但现在，我在看着你!’”
牺牲的爱：正如耶稣放弃了他的时间、他的能量、他的天赋，甚至他对妻子的爱；因此，丈夫要寻找机会，以这样的方式服事他的妻子。
效法的爱：这种爱的全部意思是：如果有人与基督徒夫妇住一段时间，观察他们的婚姻，他们应该能够看到丈夫如何爱他的妻子，并说：“现在我明白了，我明白基督是如何爱他的教会的。”
忏悔的爱：没有丈夫能够完全做到这一点。这需要我们在基督的身体和事工中去忏悔和铸造自己， 他是我们完美的新郎， 他用所有这些方式来爱我们，并赐我们圣灵来爱我们。
“那么，作为丈夫，你现在所面临的是领导问题还是爱的问题?”
在陷入困境的婚姻当中，多数领导问题是爱的问题。丈夫可能会说：“她不服从我的领导。”我一般会回复：“这是因为她没有感受到你的爱！”
丈夫不是试图让妻子更好地履行她的职责，而是应该问：“我怎样才能更好地领导她呢？尤其是，我怎样才能更好地爱她呢？”
大卫·穆雷(David Murray)是清教徒改革宗神学院的旧约与实践神学教授，他还著有《基督徒也会沮丧》(Christians Get Depressed Too)和《布道的功效》(How Sermons Work)等书。（翻译：朱玲）
Two Models for Husband-Wife Love
Because of sin, husbands have a tendency to neglect or abuse their headship. That’s why the Apostle Paul combines his teaching on the husband’s leadership in Ephesians 5v22-32 with three commands to love his wife and uses two models to help them.
Jay Adams put this well:“Husbands know how to nourish and cherish their own bodies, don’t they? Something slips and John gashes his arm with a tool. Blood drips down and he dashes off to the medicine closet. He carefully washes it, cares for it, nourishes it, and cherishes it. He may spend the next six days nourishing and cherishing!”
Nourishing and cherishing translate two of the most tender words available in the Greek language. Nourishing is about feeding with a view to flourishing and growth in every area of her life: physical, intellectual, emotional, recreational, social, and spiritual. Cherishing is about keep2ing warm, as a bird puts her wing over its young to protect and treasure.
This is an even higher standard than #1 and involves:
Prioritized love: Just as Christ put the Church first, the husband must put his relationship with his wife ahead of every other human relationship (and hobbies, sports, computers, etc).
Incomparable love: Just as Jesus has eyes only for His bride, so the husband must refuse to let his eyes and mind wander to and linger on any other women.
Practical love: Just as Jesus showed His love in actions, so the husband offers to help with household and family duties. His responsibility does not end with a paycheck on the countertop.
Appreciative love: Just as Jesus expresses His love for the Church with affectionate words, so the husband frequently tells his wife how much he loves her and what he specifically appreciates about her.
Gracious love: Just as Jesus loved the undeserving, so the husband is to love not just when his wife attracts him but even when she offends him.
Sanctifying love: As Paul explains, Jesus’s love was with a view to the church’s washing and purification. That doesn’t mean that the husband becomes a fanatical fault-finder or a perfectionist nit-picker. Rather, keep in view the vision Tim Keller paints in The Meaning of Marriage and you’ll stay along the right lines here:
Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!’”
Sacrificial love: Just as Jesus gave up His time, His energy, His talents, and even His love for His wife, so the husband looks for opportunities to serve his wife in this way.
Model love: What this all means is that if someone lived with a Christian couple for a time and observed their marriage, they should be able to look at how the husband loves his wife and say, “I get it now. I understand how Christ loves His church.”
Confessing love: No husband can do all this. Which brings us to our need for confession and our casting of ourselves upon the person and work of Christ, our perfect bridegroom, to love us in all these ways; and upon the Holy Spirit to empower us similarly.
In troubled marriages, most leadership problems are love problems. A husband may say, “She’s not following my leadership.” In most cases we can reply, “It’s because she’s not sensing your love!”
Instead of trying to get the wife to perform her duties better, husbands should be asking, “How can I lead her better?” and especially, “How can I love her better?”
David Murray is Professor of Old Testament & Practical Theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary, blogs at Head Heart Hand, and is author of the books Christians Get Depressed Too and How Sermons Work.
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