约翰·班扬解答婚姻中的3个困惑（附英文原文）

编辑的话

之前我们分享了《【天路历程】作者约翰·班扬谈如何做妻子》一文，很多弟兄姊妹回馈说非常受益，但问题随之出现：很多姊妹的丈夫不信主，当然更别提他能在真理中尽丈夫的责任了。在这样的情况下，妻子对丈夫还当顺服吗？又当以什么标准去顺服？这是很多姊妹的困惑。本期我们就来解答姊妹们的困惑。

问题一

我丈夫不信主，怎么办？

约翰·班扬答：若你先生不信主，你就更应该尽到以上的责任了（请参考本微信2015年1月27日发布的《【天路历程】作者谈如何做妻子》一文）。

1不信主的丈夫会特别注意你的言行举止，当他发现你有任何过犯与不足时，他就会以此为借口来攻击我们的信仰。

2在大部分的情况中，不信主的丈夫对于信主的妻子的一言一行，都会有极严苛的要求。

3当你没有尽到妻子的责任时，他对福音的偏见会加深，并且更加心硬，抵挡救恩。

所以，正如彼得所说的：「你们作妻子的要顺服自己的丈夫；这样，若有不信从道理的丈夫，他们虽然不听道，也可以因妻子的品行被感化过来；这正是因看见你们有贞洁的品行和敬畏的心」(彼得前书三 1-2)。你在丈夫面前的品行，对于他是否蒙恩，有极大的影响；所以，如果妳敬畏神，也爱你的丈夫，那你就当用温柔、诚实、圣洁、谦卑的言行对待丈夫，藉此将福音传给他。尽管你丈夫可能在你尽了一切努力之后，还是不肯信主，但「你这作妻子的，怎么知道不能救你的丈夫呢？」(哥林多前书七 16)

问题二

我丈夫不但不信主，还是个脾气暴躁的人，从来不肯好好对我说话，动不动就生气，我真不知如何面对他。

约翰·班扬答：确实有一些不信主的男人，把妻子当成奴隶一样；我们应当同情这些女人的处境，并为她们祷告。面对这样的丈夫，你所能作的就是更加小心，不要让他有任何借口指责你。

注意以下几项原则：

1在一切属世的事上，要完全忠于你的丈夫。

2记住：爱是凡事忍耐。

要忍耐他那些不敬虔的行为；在灵命上你是活的，他是死的；你以恩典为生活的准则，他却以罪为生活的准则。既然恩典胜过罪、善胜过恶，你就不可为恶所胜，反要以善胜恶(罗马书十二 21)。一个蒙恩的人不懂得节制自己的舌头，是非常丢脸的事；常常用以下这句箴言提醒你自己：「不轻易发怒的，大有聪明；性情暴躁的，大显愚妄」(箴言十四 29)。

3当你想要与丈夫讨论信仰时，不论你是想要称赞他或是不赞同他的某些信念，你都应当使用智慧，在合宜的时间找他。「静默有时，言语有时」(传道书三7)。要作到这点，应注意：

1. 观察丈夫的心情，当他心里充满不敬虔的感受时，不要去找他。

亚比该有智慧，因此她等到丈夫拿八醒了酒以后，才去找他说话 (撒母耳记上廿五 36-37)。许多人没有这种智慧，因此尽管他们说了许多当说的话，却没有什么果效。

2. 趁你丈夫喜悦你、对你示好的时候，跟他谈信仰。

以斯帖就是用这种智慧，影响了王的心意 (以斯帖记五 3、6；七 1、2)。

3. 当你发现他为任何事在良心上感到愧疚时，赶紧用圣经的话来劝勉他。

但是要注意：话愈少愈好；不可用教训他的口气对他说话；还是要把他当作你的头，用恳求的语气来劝他；要让他在你的言语中感受到你对他的爱及关切，还有敏感而体贴的心，也让他感受到你多么盼望他能得救；不只要用言语向他传福音，也要继续用行为感动他，并且不断为他祷告；继续以圣洁、忠实、诚恳的行为对待他。

问题三

我的丈夫又蠢又懒，连他的工作都做不好，我该怎么办？

约翰·班扬答：

1尽管如此，你还是应当晓得，他是你的头，是你的丈夫。

2因此，不可篡夺一家之主的权柄，要克制这样的欲望。

他不是为你而受造的，你才是为他而受造的 (哥林多前书十一 9)；因此你不可管辖他，反之应该甘心受他的管辖(提摩太前书二 12；哥林多前书十一 3、8)。

3所以，虽然你比丈夫更有能力，但你自己以及你所有的一切，都应该用来帮助你的丈夫，并且凡事顺服他 (以弗所书五 24)。

要注意：你所成就的一切，都不可归功于你自己，而要归于你的丈夫；尽量让别人的称赞归到你丈夫身上，不要归到你身上。用你的聪明智慧帮助你的丈夫，在人前掩饰他的软弱，让他在别人眼中被看为一个有能力的男人；除了你自己之外，不可让任何人看出他的软弱。「才德的妇人是丈夫的冠冕」，「她丈夫心里倚靠她，必不缺少利益；她一生使丈夫有益无损」(箴言十二 4； 三十一 11-12)。

文章选自《信仰与生活》复刊第四期

作者简介

约翰·班扬（John Bunyan）又名本仁约翰（1628-1688），他出生于英格兰东部区域贝德福德郡的贝德福德，是英国著名作家、布道家。

《天路历程》是他的代表作。这书是用神奇而优美的比喻，说出人类内在和外界的试探与挣扎，令读者发出对人类的同情心和对神的尊敬。约翰曾申明此书乃属寓言性，但并非全是他想象得想来，乃是有神的灵启示。

英文原文

Problem solving

by:John Bunyan

But my husband is an unbeliever; what shallI do?

Answer：If so, then what I have said before liethupon thee with an engagement so much the stronger. For, 1. Thy husband being inthis condition, he will be watchful to take thy slips and infirmities, to throwthem as dirt in the face of God and thy Saviour. 2. He will be apt to make theworst of every one of thy words, carriages, and gestures. 3. And all this dothtend to the possessing his heart with more hardness, prejudice, and oppositionto his own salvation; wherefore, as Peter saith, 'ye wives, be in subjection toyour husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they may also without the wordbe won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chasteconversation, coupled with fear' (1 Peter 3:1, 2). Thy husband's salvation ordamnation lieth much in thy deportment and behaviour before him; wherefore, ifthere be in thee any fear of God, or love to thy husband, seek, by a carriagefull of meekness, modesty, and holiness, and a humble behaviour before him, towin him to the love of his own salvation; and by thus doing, how 'knowest thou,O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?' (1 Cor 7:16).

But my husband is not only an unbeliever,but one very froward, peevish, and testy, yea, so froward, &c., that I knownot how to speak to him, or behave myself before him.

Answer：Indeed there are some wives in greatslavery by reason of their ungodly husbands; and as such should be pitied, andprayed for; so they should be so much the more watchful and circumspect in alltheir ways.

1. Therefore be thou very faithful to himin all the things of this life.

2. Bear with patience his unruly andunconverted behaviour; thou art alive, he is dead; thou art principled withgrace, he with sin. Now, then, seeing grace is stronger than sin, and virtuethan vice; be not overcome with his vileness, but overcome that with thyvirtues (Rom 12:21). It is a shame for those that are gracious to be aslavishing in their words, &c., as those that are graceless: They that are'slow to wrath are of great understanding; but they that are hasty of spirit,exalteth folly' (Prov 14:29).

3. Thy wisdom, therefore, if at any timethou hast a desire to speak to thy husband for his conviction, concerninganything, either good or evil, it is to observe convenient times and seasons:There is 'a time to keep silence, and a time to speak' (Eccl 3:7). Now for theright timing thy intentions,

(1.) Consider his disposition; and take himwhen he is farthest off of those filthy passions that are thy afflictions.Abigail would not speak a word to her churlish husband till his wine was gonefrom him, and he in a sober temper (1 Sam 25:36, 37). The want of thisobservation is the cause why so much is spoken, and so little effected. [14]

(2.) Take him at those times when he hathhis heart taken with thee, and when he showeth tokens of love and delight inthee. Thus did Esther with the king her husband, and prevailed (Ester 5:3, 6;7:1, 2).

(3.) Observe when convictions seize hisconscience, and then follow them with sound and grave sayings of theScriptures. Somewhat like to this dealt Manoah's wife with her husband (Judg13:22, 23). Yet then,

(a) Let thy words be few.

(b) And none of them savouring of a lordingit over him; but speak thou still as to thy head and lord, by way of entreatyand beseeching.

(c) And that in such a spirit of sympathy,and bowels of affection after his good, that the manner of thy speech andbehaviour in speaking may be to him an argument that thou speakest in love, asbeing sensible of his misery, and inflamed in thy soul with desire after hisconversion.

(d) And follow thy words and behaviour withprayers to God for his soul.

(e) Still keeping thyself in a holy,chaste, and modest behaviour before him.

But my husband is a sot, a fool, and onethat hath not wit enough to follow his outward employment in the world.

Answer：1. Though all this be true, yet thou mustknow he is thy head, thy lord, and thy husband.

2. Therefore thou must take heed ofdesiring to usurp authority over him. He was not made for thee; that is, forthee to have dominion over him, but to be thy husband, and to rule over thee (1Tim 2:12; 1 Cor 11:3, 8).

3. Wherefore, though in truth thou mayesthave more discretion than he, yet thou oughtest to know that thou, with allthat is thine, is to be used as under thy husband; even 'every thing' (Eph5:24). Take heed therefore, that what thou dost goes not in thy name, but his;not to thy exaltation, but his; carrying all things so, by thy dexterity andprudence, that not one of thy husband's weaknesses be discovered to others bythee: 'A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed,is as rottenness in his bones.' For then, as the wise man sayeth, 'she will dohim good and not evil, all the days of her life' (Prov 12:4; 31:12).

4. Therefore act, and do still, as beingunder the power and authority of thy husband.

Now touching thy carriage to thy childrenand servants. Thou art a parent, and a mistress, and so thou oughtest to demeanthyself. And besides, seeing the believing woman is a figure of the church, sheought, as the church, to nourish and instruct her children, and servants, asthe church, that she may answer in that particular also; and truly, the wifebeing always at home, she hath great advantage that way; wherefore do it, andthe Lord prosper your proceeding.

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