制止校园欺凌：两位学生和一位杰出教师的故事

 (English version below)

许多年后，绿子仍能清晰地回想起被欺凌的那天。

“我记得那天飘着小雨，天很灰，像是随时可以倾轧下来。这本是令六七岁的小孩恐惧的场景，我却毫不在意。就让它塌下来吧，让天塌下来。”

那是她上小学的第一年。那时绿子头发剪得很短，和板寸一样薄薄地贴着头皮，像个清瘦的小男生，去厕所的时候总能引起其他女生的一片惊呼，说她是男生，不该进女厕所。腼腆的她拙于口舌，不知如何自辩，于是误会愈演愈烈，最后她的同学们请来了老师。

那是位高大的男老师，对于瘦小的绿子来说就像一座耸立的铁塔。她不寒而栗。男老师疾言厉色地训斥了她，警告她男生就应该去男厕所，再被发现她偷偷去女厕所的话就要告诉家长。她委屈地掉眼泪，想辩解说她是女生，不信的话可以去查学生名单，但在老师的呵斥和责骂面前，她头脑一片空白，一句解释的话都说不出来。

她长大后找到心理咨询师，试图去疗愈创伤，才意识到她当时陷入了麻痹的状态，那是对冲突或危险的常见反应， 即“战斗-逃跑-冻结”的应激反应。

那天她不敢申辩，也不敢再去厕所，一整天都没有喝水。然而快放学时她还是没有忍住，尿在了裤子里，弄湿了脚下的地板。那一瞬间和一个世纪一样漫长。她只记得周围的人看到水迹，爆发出哄堂大笑。坍塌下来的不是天空，是她的世界。

她后来尝试过向班主任求助，班主任置若罔闻，只劝诫她“女生要有女生的样子”，留回长发就好，她拒绝后便再无下文。这件事的阴影伴随了她整个童年。直到她离开家乡去远方求学，她依然能清晰地记起周围的讥讽——“你是个怪物。”

在一个类似的故事里，和绿子一样，小明的外表也和他的同性同伴有所差异，留着盖住眼睛的刘海，五官清秀，笑起来的时候圆圆的脸上会挂上两个小酒窝。他说话轻声细语，嗓音里还没有变声期男生常带的沙哑。

当聊起在那段“黑暗的日子”里被欺凌的经历的时候，小明已经不再和当初一样委屈、愤怒。他把这份平静归因于心理老师的帮助和支持。

小明所说的“黑暗的日子”指他刚离开初中，来到陌生的学校的那段时间。刚升入高中的男生盲目崇拜所谓的阳刚气质，喜欢炫耀刚露出点端倪的肌肉线条，满操场飞奔，逃课打球。不爱运动、斯文安静的小明自然和他们格格不入。他本想和班上的男生大道两旁，各走一边，那些男生却不愿意给他留出一隅。他们总矫揉做作地模仿小明的语气，娇嗔着“走开”、“死鬼”这类台词，捏他的脸，有时会不经他同意就私自拿他的物品 。

小明找到了曾经做社会工作的心理老师，向她寻求帮助。静老师是位温柔而经验丰富的老师，曾经是一名社工，同时也是友善校园基金所支持的核心教师之一。她首先做的就是引导小明审视自己，得出了“我没有问题，只是没有被接纳”的结论，肯定了他不改变自己的想法。不久之后，趁着小明请事假回家的机会，静老师在班级里开展了一节以校园欺凌为主题的心理课，引导学生认识到哪些行为属于校园欺凌，学习避免人际冲突的沟通方式。学生们似乎开始反思自己的行为。小明回校后明显感到周围同学对他的态度有所改善，不再隔三差五地戏弄他了。

强有力的证据表明，校园暴力和欺凌，包括网络欺凌，是可以被预防和有效解决的。学校社区和更广泛的教育部门必须同心协力预防和解决欺凌问题，例如通过全面教育的方式建构坚实的政策框架，培训学校的员工，建立欺凌报告制度，向受影响的人提供支持，并让每个人，包括父母，都参与学校社区的欺凌预防和应对工作 。

作为友善校园基金的合作伙伴，联合国教科文组织呼吁所有国家、机构和个人共同合作，以确保学校不受恐惧和暴力的威胁，共同行动，制止校园欺凌。每个学生都应该在安全的环境下学习，实现其受教育权和享有身心健康的权利。

绿子和小明经历的是典型的基于外貌和性别刻板印象的欺凌，而改变故事走向、导向不同结局的是他们老师截然相反的态度。作为学生眼里的权威人物，教师在制止欺凌、培养学生间相互尊重的关系方面扮演了至关重要的角色。

虽然我们对故事中涉及的人物使用了化名以保护他们的隐私，但此类经历是非常真实的。静老师向其他教师分享了她的观点和建议。首先，教师应当学会对性别问题保持敏感和警惕，意识到不符合刻板印象的学生容易遭受排斥和欺凌，并向他们提供必要的支持和照顾。

其次，教师需要重新反思他们的第一直觉。责备受害者似乎是最简单的解决问题的方式，就像绿子的老师建议她改变自己的形象和自我认同一样。在小明的案例里，其他老师可能也认为他应当表现得更“男子汉”一些。但他们忽略了一点，那就是每个学生都应该得到尊重和保护。

静老师还认为，在调解学生之间的关系、支持被欺凌者时，沟通技巧的运用也至关重要。批评和指责欺凌者可能只会加剧冲突。如果能够用细心和理解的态度去处理每一个不同的案例，教师们可以帮助创造相互尊重、安全的校园环境，而这种环境会让所有学生受益。

作者：友善校园基金传播实习生浦安琪，执行主任罗宝珊，传播主管李耀鹏

友善校园基金，在灵山慈善基金会的监管下，是中国首个致力于促进性别教育并创建性别友善校园环境的基金会。友善校园基金组织师资培训和年会，为教师提供线上、线下培训和个性化辅导，形成性别友善教师网络。该网络目前支持了来自23个省市的400多名教师，其中78%是女性。

了解更多信息，请访问：

Ending school bullying: A story of two students and one outstanding teacher

After many years, Green can still clearly recall the day when she was bullied. 

"I remember it was drizzling that day. The sky was gray and seemed ready to tumble down at any time. This was a scene that a six or seven-year-old girl should be scared of. I wanted to let it go, let the sky fall."

It was her first year in school. Green had very short hair and looked like a skinny boy. Other girls would scream when she went to the school toilet, saying that she was a boy and should not enter the girl’s toilet. Shy as she was, she did not know how to defend herself and when things got worse, her classmates asked a teacher to intervene.

It was a male teacher, towering over Green like an iron tower. She trembled. The teacher scolded her, warning her that she had to use the boy’s toilet, otherwise he would call her parents. She was in tears, trying to explain that she was a girl, and they could check the student roster. But she just froze, not able to utter a single word. 

As she grew up and went to a counsellor to address the trauma, she realized that she had been in a state of paralysis, a common reaction to conflict or danger known as the fight-flight-freeze response.

On that first day, she did not dare visit the toilet at all and refrained from drinking water. But still, at the end of the day, she could not help herself and peed her pants, wetting the floor beneath her. That few seconds seemed like a century. All she remembers is that many students saw and laughed hilariously. It was her world, not the sky that tumbled down that day. 

Later, she tried to seek help from her class teacher, who did not seem to listen but told her to “look like a girl” and keep her hair longer. She did not take the advice, and the trauma accompanied her for the whole school year. Until the day she left her hometown to further her studies, she remembered the ridicule. “You are a freak.” 

In a similar story, Ming also looked different from his male peers, with his hair covering his eyebrows, delicate facial features and two tiny dimples when he smiled. He spoke softly, not yet developing the deeper voice of his peers. 

When he talks about his experiences being bullied in those “dark days”, Ming is not angry or displays a grievance, a calmness he credits to the support he received from his psychology teacher at the time.

Ming's "dark days" were when he left junior high and came to a new high school. Older boys idolized masculinity, flaunted their muscles, ran around the playground and skipped classes to play ball. Unathletic and quiet, not having a passion for sports, Ming did not seem to fit in. He wanted to be himself, but other boys would not leave him alone. They made fun of him by mimicking his voice and pinching his cheeks, and sometimes took his things without asking. 

He went to his psychology teacher for help. Teacher Jing was a gentle and experienced teacher and former social worker, who is also one of the core teachers supported by the Gender Friendly Campus Fund. She first counselled Ming helping him to recognize a basic truth: “I am fine. I am just not accepted by others.” When Ming was absent for personal reasons, Jing conducted lessons teaching students about school bullying, about practicing empathy and how to avoid conflicts through effective communication. The students seemed to start reflecting on their behaviour and when Ming returned to school, he sensed a different attitude and his classmates stopped making fun of him.

There is strong evidence that violence and bullying at school, including cyberbullying, can be prevented and effectively addressed. School communities and the broader education sector must work together to prevent and address bullying, through a whole-education approach spanning robust policy frameworks, training for school staff, systems for reporting bullying and providing support to those affected, and involving everyone in the school community, including parents, in prevention and response efforts.

As a partner of the Gender Friendly Campus Fund, UNESCO calls on all countries, organizations and people to come together with the common purpose of ensuring that schools are free from fear and violence, and to stand together against bullying at school. Every student should feel safe to learn, and to fulfil their right to education, health and well-being. 

What Green and Ming had experienced is a typical example of bullying based on physical appearance and gender stereotype. What made the difference was the attitude of a teacher. As a figure of authority, teachers play a major role in preventing bullying and supporting respectful relationships between students. 

While the names of the people involved have been changed to protect their identities, these types of experiences are very real. Jing shares her perspective and advice with other teachers. First, they should learn to be gender sensitive and vigilant to situations when students are not conforming to gender stereotypes and are vulnerable to exclusion and bullying. Teachers need to provide support and care as necessary. 

Second, teachers need to give a second thought to their first reaction. Blaming the victim may seem like the easiest thing to do, just as Green’s teacher advised her to change how she looked – and who she was. Other teachers might have thought that Ming should try to be more “manly”, but that misses the point that every student should be respected and protected.

Jing also thinks it is important to use communication skills in mediating student relationships and supporting victims. Criticizing and blaming the perpetrators may just intensify conflicts. By handling each case with care and understanding, a teacher can help create a respectful, safe environment, which then in turn nurtures every student. 

Authors: Anqi Pu, Communication intern, Executive Director Baoshan Luo, Communication Manager Yaopeng Li from the Gender Friendly Campus Fund based in Guangzhou.

The Gender Friendly Campus Fund under the supervision of the Lingshan Charity Foundation is the first foundation in China dedicated to promoting sex and gender education and creating gender-friendly campus environments. It supports the Gender Friendly Teacher Network by organizing orientation training workshops and annual conferences, mentoring teachers both online and on-site, and providing support on a case-by-case basis. The network has reached more than 400 teachers, 78 per cent of whom are women, from 23 provinces and municipalities. 

For more information, please visit: 

www.lingshanfoundation.org/info?id=256  

or contact: 

[e-mail]