我爱你也爱这个美丽的世界，但是请让我去死

言情小说作家琼瑶为丈夫平鑫涛“失智”住院治疗插鼻胃管一事，陷入和继子女的纠纷，引发海峡两岸的一片哗然。三月份的时候琼瑶在脸书发出一封公开信，交代身后事。她叮嘱至亲，不论她生了什么重病，“不动大手术，让我死得快最重要”，不论在什么情况下，绝对不能插“鼻胃管”，不能插入各种维生的管子，“尿管、呼吸管、各种我不知道名字的管子都不行”。她说“预约死亡”也是一种“维权”。

上个月The Economist也讨论了有关死亡的话题，它说: Death is inevitable. A bad death is not. 文章指出，发达国家的死者大多都经历了多年忽快忽慢的衰竭过程。大约三分之二的人是在医院或养老院离世，而且通常在离世前接受了不惜一切的治疗，一次强过一次。相比在临终关怀医院或家中过世的同类病人，死于医院的癌症患者往往会经历更多的痛苦、紧张和沮丧。

文章最后说：

Most people feel dread when they contemplate their mortality. As death has been hidden away in hospitals and nursing homes, it has become less familiar and harder to talk about. Politicians are scared to bring up end-of-life care in case they are accused of setting up “death panels”. But honest and open conversations with the dying should be as much a part of modern medicine as prescribing drugs or fixing broken bones. A better death means a better life, right until the end.

大多数人在深思自己的死亡时都会感到恐惧。由于死亡被隐藏于医院和养老院，人们对它不再那么熟悉，也更难谈论它。政客们不敢倡议临终关怀，担心被指斥为设立“死亡委员会”。但是与垂危病人开诚布公的交谈应该和开药与接骨一样成为现代医学的一部分。更好的死亡意味着更好的人生，直到最后一刻。

这让我想到了之前看得一部根据小说改编的电影, Me Before You。

Jojo Moyes

Me Before You 是英国作家 Jojo Moyes 在2012年出版的小说，她本身是记者出身，10之后转行专注写小说。这本书一经出版便受到广泛好评，New York Times评价说 "When I finished this novel, I didn’t want to review it; I wanted to reread it."

这个标题本身就很模糊，需要根据故事内容来理解。它的中文标题有的译为《我要你好好的》，有的是《遇见你之前》，我更喜欢后者。

电影讲的故事很简单，除了上面Goodreads 的介绍外，原著小说上是这样介绍的：

They had nothing in common until love gave them everything to lose Louisa Clark is an ordinary girl living an exceedingly ordinary life--steady boyfriend, close family--who has never been farther afield than their tiny village. She takes a badly needed job working for ex-Master of the Universe Will Traynor, who is wheelchair bound after a motorcycle accident. Will has always lived a huge life--big deals, extreme sports, worldwide travel--and he is not interested in exploring a new one.

Will is acerbic, moody, bossy--but Lou refuses to treat him with kid gloves, and soon his happiness means more to her than she expected. When she learns that Will has shocking plans of his own, she sets out to show him that life is still worth living. 

Me Before You brings to life two people who couldn't have less in common--a heartbreakingly romantic novel that asks, What do you do when making the person you love happy also means breaking your own heart?

我想的结局无非是这个瘫痪的高富帅和灰姑娘相爱了，然后从此过上了幸福的一生，就像是力克胡哲（Nick Vujicic) 的励志故事，尽管有身体缺陷但是活得依然精彩，也成为了人生赢家。

Nick Vujicic

然而我错了，他们并没有在一起，他甚至都没有活下来 -- 他选择结束自己的生命。然而这个故事依然够励志: 尊重每个生命选择，勇敢的活，勇敢的死。

这让我想到了 The Fault in Our Stars 中的男主身患癌症的Gus, 他说Pain is demanded to be felt, 他把烟衔在嘴里却从不去抽，他说这是一个metaphor: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing. 他说他最害怕的事情是被遗忘，于是他用尽全力找到了infinity。

这么多人在努力的求活，Will却选择了死，他说他之前活的太精彩了，轮椅上的他不是他。

The Fault in Our Stars 中女主Hazel最大的一个心坎是她偶然听到了妈妈说：如果你死了，我就再也不是一个妈妈了。因为这句话，她听妈妈的话去医院，去无聊的 Support Group，她要为了妈妈活下去，这让她痛苦不已。

Me Before I 中Will的妈妈也是如此的爱他，她无法面对儿子想要自杀这件事，但是她尊重他的选择，因为这是他的生命，她不能要求他为了什么而活着。她小心翼翼地尝试每一个让儿子改变心意的可能，最后还是送他走了。

爱可以紧紧抓住他，用自己为是的方式去保护和给予；爱也可以是尊重他的选择，用他期待的方式去解脱。他是你的儿子，但是他首先是一个人，他知道什么是他想要的人生，他知道自己是多么热爱生活，所以他选择不去生活。可能会有人说这是不负责任，是懦夫，我看到的是尊严和勇气。

《经济学人》近年来一直在讨论“死亡的权利”，2015年的一篇名为The Right to Die中提出了人们对Assited Suicide的争论：

For some, the argument is moral and absolute. Deliberately ending a human life is wrong, because life is sacred and the endurance of suffering confers its own dignity. For others, the legalisation of doctor-assisted dying is the first step on a slippery slope where the vulnerable are threatened and where premature death becomes a cheap alternative to palliative care.

These views are deeply held and deserve to be taken seriously. But liberty and autonomy are sources of human dignity, too. Both add to the value of a life. In a secular society, it is odd to buttress the sanctity of life in the abstract by subjecting a lot of particular lives to unbearable pain, misery and suffering. And evidence from places that have allowed assisted dying suggests that there is no slippery slope towards widespread euthanasia. In fact, the evidence leads to the conclusion that most of the schemes for assisted dying should be bolder.

文章的最后说：

The most determined people do not always choose wisely, no matter how well they are counselled. But it would be wrong to deny everyone the right to assisted death for this reason alone. Competent adults are allowed to make other momentous, irrevocable choices: to undergo a sex change or to have an abortion. People deserve the same control over their own death.Instead of dying in intensive care under bright lights and among strangers, people should be able to end their lives when they are ready, surrounded by those they love.

有人说 Me Before I 会对社会产生负面影响，是在鼓励更多有身体残疾的人选择死亡，我想正如经济学人这一段说的一样，你不能劝服一个下定决心的人，我们也不能剥夺他们选择死亡的权利。或许我们能够做的只是帮助他们“想清楚”，让他们清楚的知道自己的选择意味着什么 -- 对身边的人和对自己。

看完这个电影后我有一个想法：

我想哭的时候，请不要告诉我不要哭，你可以借我一个肩膀就好；当我难过的时候，请不要叫我不要难过，不要告诉我让我开心一点，你给我一个拥抱和陪伴就好。我有我的焦躁不安，有伤心绝望，这是我情绪的一部分，不要剥夺我难过的权利；我整日嘻嘻哈哈没心没肺也不代表我是开心的，可能是我只是怕你看我不开心会不开心。

生命如此沉重，谁又能理解谁，有安慰和幸福，也接受孤独和痛苦。你选择活着，我选择结束，但是我知道我们都是热爱生命的。在遇见你之前我是那么的骄傲，我要骄傲地离开；在遇见我之前你不知道生活可以是如此的可爱，如果你能够，如果你愿意的话：Live boldy, push yourself, don't settle.

最后和大家分享一个BBC的纪录片,  How To Die: Simon’s Choice:

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=q0184261y61&width=500&height=375&auto=0