是啊，我们不过只是自己的选择

2017年10月我在聊聊今年的诺贝尔文学奖中说要在一个月内读完The Remains of the Day，3个月已经过去，我终于把它读完了。和你分享我的一点零碎想法。

小说由管家Stevens的第一人称视角讲述，边叙述，边回忆。他是名门望族人家的管家，优雅沉稳，冷峻自制。即使是工作结束后，行言起坐也都得“板着”。例如这段父子之间的对话：

Stevens: I have come here to relate something to you, Father.

Father: Then relate it briefly and concisely. I haven't all morning to listen to you chatter.

Stevens: In that case, Father, I will come straight to the point.

Father: Come to the point then and be done with it. Some of us have work to be getting on with.

Stevens: Very well. Since you wish me to be brief, I will do my best to comply. The fact is, Father has become increasingly infirm. So much so that even the duties of an under-butler are now beyond his capabilities. His lordship is of the view, as indeed I am myself, that while Father is allowed to continue with his present round of duties, he represents and ever-present threat to the smooth running of this household, and in particular to next week's important international gathering.

这段话想说的意思无非是：

“爹，跟你说点事。”

“长话短说，我忙着呢。”

“你身体不好，别干活了，要不然不仅可能会帮倒忙，还容易误了大事。”

很显然，原文的风格像《唐顿庄园》，有英式的典雅和日式的淡雅。我脑补的中文像是《乡村爱情》。

再来看这样一段。女孩嫁了别人，几十年之后你去见她，她对你说她也曾想过要和你在一起。你是什么样的感觉？

I do not think I responded immediately, for it took me a moment or two to fully digest these words of Miss Kenton. Moreover, as you might appreciate, their implications were such as to provoke a certain degree of sorrow within me. Indeed – why should I not admit it? – at that moment, my heart was breaking.

太理性，于是连悲伤都是慢动作。即使是heart was breaking，你也看不到他的难过，他还会安慰你要珍惜现在，要感恩惜福。然后和你微笑告别，即使这意味着永不再见。

Stevens的一生都有一个信念，做有dignity的管家。即使兵荒马乱也要从容以对，照顾好主人和主人的朋友们。为了dignity，他注意自己的一言一行，闲时读小说学习用词，练习段子和开玩笑以便能接上主人的话茬。

他最喜欢父亲讲的一个故事。一位管家发现饭桌下有只老虎，他淡定地向主人请示用枪击毙。在主人同意后他打死了老虎，几分钟后，向主人报道：Dinner will be served at the usual time and I am pleased to say there will be no discernible traces left of the recent occurrence by that time.

因为这个故事，他懂得dignity in keeping with his position. 因为dignity，在父亲去世的那一晚，他没能见他最后一面，没有时间为父亲合上双眼。他选择一心一意地服务客人，就像什么都没有发生一样。他想父亲是会支持他这样做的，他为此骄傲。

Stevens是传奇的、值得尊敬的。我想如果让他可以再选择一次，他还是会选择做Darlington的管家，为他死心塌地。因为这是他的信仰。是自己的选择。

如亚马逊老大Jeff Bezos在普林斯顿演讲时所说：

When you are eighty years old, and in a quiet moment of reflection narrating for only yourself the most personal version of your life story, the telling that will be most compact and meaningful will be the series of choices you have made. In the end, we are our choices. 

如果原则、方向、方法都是在自己的掌控下进行的，那就没有什么可后悔的。

不过我想，除了原则、方向、方法外，我们还要提防“惯性”，即习惯的看法，习惯的结论。如果Stevens可以早些出去看看这个真实的世界，可能他会有更informed行动。