怎样写一篇作文？（13）

各位好，这里是作文专栏的第十三期，关于专栏的介绍可见栏目介绍。

前几天推送的文章写作中容易被忽略的一个问题：名词的数里面有很多人问到一个问题：

浙大的宣传语 Let’s express our highest respect to those predecessors explored the unknown fields of mankind ... 能不能改为 Let’s express our highest respect to those predecessors exploring the unknown fields of mankind ...

答案是不可以。因为这里定语从句和主句的时间不一样。当定语从句的谓语时间和主句的谓语时间一致时，我们可以将定语从句转换为现在分词短语后置定语，比如

(1) The girl who sits in the corner is my sister. 

可以转换为：

(2) The girl sitting in the corner is my sister.

同理，我们可以将现在分词短语后置定语还原为定语从句，还原后的定语从句的时间要和主句的一致，比如：

(3) The girl sitting in the corner is my sister.

还原后是：

(4) The girl who sits / is sitting in the corner is my sister. 

但不可以还原为：

(5) The girl who sat in the corner is my sister. 

当定语从句的谓语时间和主句的谓语时间不一致时，就不能转换，比如：

(6) The man who designed the bridge ten years ago is an Amercian.

此时定语从句的谓语时间是过去时，主句的谓语时间是现在时，两者时态不同，句子不能简化为：

(7) The man designing the bridge ten years ago is an Amercian. （实际上，假如我们试着把这个句子还原为定语从句，它会变成  The man who designs / is designing the bridge ten years ago is an Amercian. 句子从逻辑上是无法成立的）

回到浙大的句子，原句可以改为 ：

Let’s express our highest respect to those predecessors who explored the unknown fields of mankind ...

此时定语从句的谓语时间是过去时，主句的谓语时间是现在时，两者时态不一致，因此不能转换为：

Let’s express our highest respect to those predecessors exploring the unknown fields of mankind ...

关于定语从句与现在分词互相转换的更多说明，可以查阅语法书，或者参考下面这篇论文：

http://t.cn/RSxF2RH

此外，还有人问上面的句子能不能改为：

Let’s express our highest respect to those predecessors having explored the unknown fields of mankind ...

答案也是不可以，因为分词的完成式 having done 或者 having been done 不能用在名词后面做后置定语，只能做状语。举个例子，我们不能说：

A person having won success too early in life may become bored with life.

只能说：

Having won success too early in life, a person may become bored with life.

关于这一点，同样可以查阅语法书，或者参考这篇国外论坛帖子：

http://thegrammarexchange.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/340600179/m/814107222

回到今天的作文题目：

Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

这是原始的作文版本：

习作/S

With the increased availability of advertising aimed at children, some people appeal to forbid it because of the deleterious effects on the development of children. In my view, the negative advertising should be banned, and the positive counterpart should be allowed.

Comparison consumption is clearly involved in the adverse advertisement epidemic, as is the unhealthy lifestyle it brings to children. For one thing, advertisement targeting at children is generally replete with attractive items such as latest toys and colorful sweets，and myriad companies spare no effort to propagandize how wonderful and fancy their products are in order to boost sales. Consequently, children are so naive that they can be easily encouraged to persuade what display on television. However, their desires can rarely be satisfied especially when their peers own a better product, which is a trigger for comparison consumption among kids. For another, fast food and beverage advertisements are all the rage on the television screen, sparking an unhealthy eating style and should be to blame for the children obesity.

Although a large majority of commercial advertisements mislead kids to form bad spending habits, there are some positive public service announcements on screen. For instance, a well-known short video, telling that while several students are competing in a running race, the fastest runner unfortunately fall on the ground and second-placed candidate gives up the first prize to help the injured competitor, educates children that friendship is far more important than championship. Advertising like that sets a good example for children to foster moral characteristics and on no account should be banned.

In brief, we are supposed to put strict scrutiny over advertising targeted at children as it plays an important role in the formative years of childhood, and only the detrimental commercial advertisement  should be prohibited.

这是点评版本：

With the increased increasing availability ofadvertising aimed at children, some people appeal to forbid it argue that it should be banned because of the deleterious effects on the development of children. In my view, the negative advertising should be banned, and the positive counterpart should be allowed. Advertisements that have a negative impact on children should be banned.

Comparison consumption is clearly involved in the adverse advertisement epidemic, as is the unhealthy lifestyle it brings to children.Advertisements encourage children to constantly compare themselves to others. For one thing, advertisements targeting at children is are generally replete with attractive items such as the latest toys and colorful sweets, and myriad many companies spare no effort to propagandize show how wonderful and fancy their products are in order to boost sales. Consequently, children are so naive vulnerable that they can be easily encouraged to persuade buy what displays on television. However, their desires can rarely be satisfied especially when their peers own a better product, which is a trigger for comparison consumption among kids. For another, fast food and beverage advertisements are all the rage on the television screen, sparking encouraging an unhealthy eating style and they should be are to blame for the children childhood obesity.

Although a large majority of commercial advertisements mislead kids children to form bad spending habits, there are some positive public service announcements on screen. For instance,a well-known short video, telling that while several students are competing in a running race, the fastest runner unfortunately fall on the ground and second-placed candidate gives up the first prize to help the injured competitor, educates children that friendship is far more important than championship. Advertising like that of this kind sets a good moral example for children to foster moral characteristics and on no account should be banned.

In brief, we are supposed to put strict scrutiny over restrict advertising targeted aimed at children as it plays an important role in the formative years of childhoodthe next generation, and only the detrimental commercial advertisement should be prohibited. Commercial advertisements that can do harm to children should be banned.

思路分析：

Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

这道题目写成支持或反对题目观点都可以，也可以持中立态度。针对儿童的广告带来的坏处有：

（1）不少广告向儿童推销快餐以及零食，这些食品对儿童有着巨大诱惑。儿童受广告影响会经常吃快餐和零食，这会对他们的健康产生危害。

（2）很多广告向儿童灌输”购买东西会使人快乐“的观念，儿童受此影响会不断让家长买东西，如果家长纵容这种行为，儿童会养成不良的消费习惯。此外，纵容孩子购买产品也会给部分低收入家庭带来经济负担。

针对儿童的广告带来的好处有：

（1）一些广告可以给家长提供信息，帮助他们找到更好的教育产品（比如故事书，益智玩具等）。

（2）一些针对儿童的公益广告还可以向儿童传输良好的道德准则，帮助他们成为合格的社会公民。

下面给出我写的一个版本：

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习作/魏剑峰

Today children are exposed to various kinds of advertisements, some of which can damage their physical and mental health. In my view, advertising aimed at the next generation should be restricted, if not banned altogether.

Advertisements can have a negative impact on children’s health. TV commercials aimed at children often promote fast food containing excessive amounts of sugar and fat. As children can hardly resist the temptation of such food, they tend to overeat, and consequently their chances of becoming obese grow. By regulating fast food advertising, governments help to safeguard the physical well-being of the next generation.

Advertising is also labelled as the culprit for childhood behavior problems. In an age of consumerism advertisers are trying to make children believe that if they buy this or that product, they will become happier. This leads children to pester their parents to buy them whatever they like. Given that most parents are always willing to satisfy the needs of their little ones, children can develop bad spending habits. They are more likely to spend irresponsibly when they come of age, a problem that may put them under financial strain or even lead to heavy debts.

On the other hand, advertising to children can be beneficial. It enables parents to seek information about storybooks and educational toys, products that help to improve children’s literacy and boost their brain development. Banning these advertisements would make it difficult for parents to better educate their children.

In summary, I believe advertisements that promote goods and services harmful to children should be restricted or even banned for the betterment of the next generation.

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预告：

本专栏下期要分析的作文题目是：

Some people think that genetically modified (GM) crops are a positive development. Others, however, argue that they are potentially dangerous. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

感兴趣的同学可以先思考如何写，然后对照下期的思路分析。建议有空的同学自己动笔写一篇。

本作文专栏长期接受读者投稿，感兴趣的同学可以将习作发到我的邮箱 [e-mail]，部分习作有机会得到点评。

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