NVC Childhood And Education
Article by Julia Feste
I started learning NVC before becoming a Montessori educator, and beyond all the benefits I received from it in my personal life, it brought me a great practical support to that fundamental Montessori principle: “The training of the teacher who is to help life is something far more than learning of ideas. It includes the training of the character; it is a preparation of the spirit” (Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind).
I attended last November in France the first official workshop aligning NVC with childhood education (“NonViolent Communication in childhood education – the relationship at the heart of the child’s development”), and would like to share with you four key ideas.
1. Connect before Correct … and connect with yourself first!
It may sound selfish, but putting your attention on yourself firstly and listening to your inner weather is the key to be fully present when engaging with a child. During that workshop we practiced looking inwards to our own emotions and needs in relation with a child or with other educators, and giving each other an empathetic listening.
Key idea 1: how much you listen to yourself – including your emotions and needs – will determine how much you can listen to your children. Therefore, practice listening to yourself with empathy!
2. Model and practice empathy with your colleagues
Empathy and generally speaking, the whole emotional intelligence (how to navigate our emotions, how to use them as useful information…) can’t be taught to children, even though some children books can help to support the integration of those concepts… practicing empathy with your colleagues can be a good way to model how to do for the children, and at the same time, will drastically improve your relationships with your team!
Key idea 2: From time to time make a guess on your co-teachers or assistant feelings in front of the children “are you feeling happy/tired today?”. After dismissal or during your break, take the time to check in with your colleagues, about their feelings and needs in relation to what happened during the day (ex: “How was it for you when Teo refused to wash his hand before lunch time?” )
3. Reflect on your own childhood
Take the time to revise your educational intentions, and be authentic with yourself about where they come from – often from your own childhood and what you would have liked to receive from your parents. The above drawing represents my grandmother yelling at me during the night because I am playing at being Zorro on my bed and the noise I am making prevents her from sleeping. The belief that I created at that time was “It is dangerous to have fun”. By going back to that scene and understanding my grandmother inner motivation, and my own feelings and needs, I could deconstruct that belief, and bring more compassion to my grandmother and I. When a situation between me and a child that could possibly resemble to that experience happens, I have now more space in me to react without being taken in my own childhood story (meaning without being taken in some unconscious fear, shame and rejection).
Key idea 3: Each time you are deeply triggered by the behavior of a child, bring compassion to yourself and look inside for the roots of your reaction ... your inner child might need a hug!
4. Celebrate those times you felt aligned with your educational intentions
Often, doubting of ourselves takes us a lot of energy, that same energy that won’t be available to our children. During the workshop we connected with our core educational intentions, the reasons why we love our job... to transmit all those positive ideals, such as love, respect, cooperation, freedom, gratitude, joy, deep listening, safety, harmony, and so on... Connecting with and celebrating those times when we were actually able to experience those ideals in relation with a child can nurture our trust in our own capabilities and resources.
Key idea 4: Every day pause 5 minutes to remember the positive experiences you had with your children and acknowledge what you were transmitting to them during those moments. Celebrate those moments in a way that nurtures you!
Next NVC-based workshops in English to come in Beijing:
Deepen the connection with your child - an introduction to mindful communication, by Julia Feste – LMMP, Wed. 7th of March, 5:30pm to 7:00pm
Mindful communication at work, by François Beausoleil and Dalida Turkovic– BMC, Sat. and Sun. 10th & 11th of March (2 days)
Mindful communication – how to bring presence into our intimate relationships?, by Dalida Turkovic and Julia Feste – BMC, 17th & 18th of March (2 days)
About Julia Feste
Julia Feste got in touch with NVC during the summer 2015 when searching for a way to apply discipline that would be aligned with her deep respect for her little students.Since then she has continued to learn NVC in France and in China, in three different languages (French, Chinese, English). She is following at the moment the international Peer Parent Leadership Program (PPLP) of which she will graduate in June of this year.
She has been publicly sharing NVC since 2016 at the Beijing Mindfulness Center, and trains her co-teachers at La Maison Montessori de Pekin where she also works as a Montessori educator for the 2 to 3,5 years old children.
BMC will be closed during CNY
We will open on 26th February
http://beijingmindfulness.com
hello@beijingmindfulness.com
Tel: 010-64034923
Address: No.44, Qian Yong Kang Hutong, Dongcheng, Beijing