What is the benefit of anger?
In our societies (in most countries of this world) we have often be told that anger is wrong. Some of us submit to that idea, and tend to shut down their anger. Some of us rebel against that and tend to express their anger in a way that is destructive for their relationships. There is another way to relate to our anger.
In NonViolent Communciation, we see anger as a secondary emotion that comes when there is so much helplessness or fear inside of us that it comes as the last resort of our system to say “stop, something doesn't work for me here!”.
Anger is a healthy“alert” emotion, the one that carries the most energy.The other "alert" emotions are: shame, guilt, and depression, they all carry much less energy. Anger is there to protect us, and if we can channel that energy, we can make the right change in our life.
“Channeling our anger” means expressing it in a constructive way.
How to express our anger in a constructive way? And what is a constructive way?
In NonViolent Communication, we distinguish the stimulus and the cause of our emotions: whatever other people do or say is never the cause of our feelings, it is only the stimulus, that tells us that one of our deepest need (or value) is unmet. This unmet need is the cause of our feelings.
For example, a few days ago my partner asked me to tidy up my shoes that I let at the entrance of our courtyard. I felt frustration and anger. If I look into my thoughts at that moment, I am telling myself she should have seen that the past days I tidied up HER shoes, and she didn't even notice!". Listening to my blaming thoughts helps me to point to my deeper needs of being seen for my efforts. My unmet need for being seen is the cause of my anger. A few days later we had a conversation an made some agreements about taking turns to tidy up the house.
“Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs” Marshall Rosenberg
This month during our NVC conferences, I will share a 6 steps process to transform your anger in a powerful way, based on Mindfulness and NVC.
Date: Mon 7th Oct, 10am - 12pm
Wed 9th Oct, 7:30pm- 9:30pm
Scan the QR code for registration
Mindfulness practice will help you to slow down the automatic reaction of your anger, by being able to observe it rising before you get fully into it. It will also help you to observe your judgmental thoughts without identifying with them, and to recognize your body sensations associated to your feelings.
Non Violent Communication will help you to put words on your needs and feelings and to express them to the person whose actions or words were the stimulus of your anger.
See you there,
Mindfully yours, Julia
MSc in general engineering
Certified Montessori educator
NVC trainer & coach
www.beijingmindfulness.com
hello@beijingmindfulness.com
Tel: 010-64034923
Address: No.44, Qian Yong Kang Hutong, Dongcheng, Beijing
s a thrid way