Goal settings and the feminine cycle
Last Friday we entered the Start of Autumn (立秋) the 13th solar term of this year, according to the Chinese calendar. In China, the 24 solar terms were created thousands of years ago to guide agricultural production, and in our modern lives, we tend to disconnect from the cyclic change of seasons. Nevertheless, it would be foolish to consider time as linear only. And some women who haven’t entered menopause yet are reminded every month of their cyclic nature – when they would tend to forget about it.
I am one of them.
Some weeks ago I enrolled in different programs – among them a 30-days writing challenge, a 30-days cold shower challenge, and the “one thing” peer support group. I set up a non-negotiable morning routine, including:
- taking care of the animals (two cats and one dog),
- writing morning pages and taking a cold shower
- having breakfast with my lady
- meditation and movements
In addition to that, I took the habit to decide the "One Thing" in the day that will move the needle towards my goals (becoming an awesome and profitable social and emotional wellness coach, and playing the flute like Ian Anderson), and, usually, to accomplish it.
My printed "One Thing" planner
For the first three weeks, I was in the kind of mindset where I could bite anyone who would get on my way to accomplish my morning routine, my daily challenges, and daily One Thing.
Then something happened. Something I overlooked. A spanner in the works.
I got my period.
As a result, my mood became very low for at least two days, I got a migraine, pain in my belly, and could not bear looking at a screen. No more goals, no more challenge, I felt nauseous just thinking of all of that. My body was on strike.
I am 32, and you probably think that I should be used to it by now and be prepared, but the truth is I tend to forget my cyclic nature every time after my period is gone.
As I was lying on my bed, I remembered that retreat I attended a few years ago in France, about “NVC and the awakening of the feminine”. We were presented the work of Miranda Gray, author of “Red Moon” and “The Optimized Woman”. According to her, each menstrual cycle can be divided into four phases, each phase corresponding to one archetypal woman, with her own energy and characteristics.
If we can plan our lives and our work according to their energy, we can optimize our state. It is like being a sailboat and learning to sail using the different winds, instead of fighting them and pretending to be an engine boat.
These four menstrual phases are mirrored by the rhythms of the lunar cycle.
- Pre-ovulation: The Dynamic Phase (archetype: The Maiden)
This phase comes right after the period, and that’s where we are the most in touch with our yang energy. We are ready to plan, to set up goals. In that phase, it is easy to research, take action, and use our logical and strategic thinking. It is the right time to start something new (like a challenge, or taking a course).
- Ovulation: The Expressive Phase (archetype: The Mother)
In that phase we are more turned towards people, more empathetic, understanding other people's feelings and needs. That’s also the phase when we communicate more, and we are the ablest to solve conflicts (the right phase to practice and use NonViolent Communication). This is the time to create and nurture productive relationships
- Pre-menstruation: the Creative Phase (archetype: The Enchantress)
In that phase, we are in creativity and inspiration. It is better to rely less on logical thinking and tap more into our intuition. Our physical energy starts to decrease. It is time to delegate or delete non-essential tasks to focus on solving problems with wild creativity.
- Menstruation: the Reflective Phase (archetype: The Crone)
In that phase, we experience low energy. It is a time for inner connection, alone time, nurturing, self-care, and rest. It is also a time for self-reflection, realignment with the bigger picture, and to let go of the emotional baggage of the past month. This phase is often seen by women as a burden, but it truly holds the gift of connecting with our core needs and our inner world. That’s a good time to practice mindfulness.
As I remembered the phases, it helped me to be more kind and compassionate to myself with my change in mood.
A lot of goal setting theories and practices are promoted by men, for men, and do not take into account the hormonal cycle of women. When I throw myself into such practices in my "Maiden" phase and then end up drained during my "Crone" phase, I tend to tell myself that something is wrong with me. But when I look at it with the lens of the cycle phases, it all makes sense. Hormones are playing their role, and there is a gift in being forced by nature to take a step back for reflection.
I am not saying women should not use any masculine energy-oriented goal setting techniques. But I encourage myself and other women to be flexible and to adapt them to our particular needs and physiology and to plan our goals and work according to the asset of each phase.
All the four phases described above are merely guidelines, and may not apply to every woman. However, I believe the concept of having different phases in our month applies to every woman (even women who already entered menopause whom Miranda Gray calls the “Rainbow women” because they may experience all of the four phases in one single day). Self-awareness is the key to know the quality of our energy at different times of the month.
Based on that reflection, I have decided to include my "Crone" phase in my calendar and to take at least two days off at the beginning of my period - no client, no meeting, no socializing, and no challenge. In addition to that, I have shared with my lady my need for curling up in her arms at this time of withdrawing.
What about you, how would it be to plan your month according to your phases? You can share with us in the comment section of this article. And if you liked it, you can click on "like", and follow us for more articles.
References:
- "Red Moon" and "The Optimized Woman" by Miranda Gray
- "One thing" book by Gary Keller, planner by Hellsing-Ghrey
https://hellsing-academy.teachable.com/
Mindfully yours, Julia
MSc in general engineering
NVC based trainer & coach
Certified Montessori educator
A former engineer and then Montessori educator, I got in touch with NonViolent Communication (NVC) when shifting direction in my career. Since then I have continued to learn and share NVC in three different languages (French, Chinese, English), proving that NVC is a powerful process that applies beyond language and culture barriers. My mission is to help people to express themselves with kindness AND assertiveness through a combination of group training in NonViolent Communication and individual coaching.
You can read my interview in BeijingKids:
http://www.beijing-kids.com/blog/2019/04/19/parenting-confrontation-non-violent-communication-workshop-sat-april-20
www.beijingmindfulness.com
hello@beijingmindfulness.com
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