Mindful Pole Dancing: Self-Compassion with Stainless Steel
During my 20s, I dabbled in pole dancing when it first started to get popular in Hong Kong. I have many fond memories of practicing at the studio or bars in Lan Kwai Fong with a close-knit community of girlfriends as we explored our sensuality. But after a year or so, I couldn't make progress on some of the more advanced moves that required stronger core muscles. I thought I was not strong enough so I gave up.
Practicing at the first pole dancing studio in Hong Kong
A couple of months ago, I began to think of picking up my old hobby again by taking a 100 day challenge in mindful pole dancing. On the one hand, I was excited to further develop my growth mindset - the belief that I could cultivate any skills. Facing an old challenge would be a great exercise. On the other hand, I felt some trepidation; nearing 40 and busy with a young child, I started asking myself, "How do I feel sexy again?"
Mommy brain can make it easy to forget what it is like to be sexy. For a good number of years, I had a baby carrier attached to my waist. I would walk around in the CBD area during lunch hour and pass versions of my younger self in stilettos. I felt like a hostage carrying a sleeping baby that might wake up crying any moment, drawing unwanted attention from high-flying professionals that reminded me how out-of-place I now felt.
So I bought and set up a pole at home with the help of my son, who was very excited about having a playground fixture indoors! As I tested the pole by sliding my back up and down against it to do a squat, my knees creaked like an old lady's. I noticed myself thinking, "It feels kind of silly and embarrassing to act sexy. There's nothing sexy about pole dancing with creaky joints. Perhaps my prime days are over."
Though I felt extremely self-conscious, with an open and curious mind, I continued to charge forward with my challenge. I was going to connect with the Aphrodite in me and forget about being a mother.
I spent the first couple of days searching online for keywords like "mindful pole dancing" to get some ideas. To my surprise, mindfulness and pole dancing didn't usually appear together and yielded few useful results. So I had to design my own routine, which consisted of a quick centering meditation, warm-up stretches, one or two YouTube abs workout exercises, and some freestyle pole dancing.
At the beginning of one of the abs workout videos, the instructor warned, "The following exercises are probably going to feel quite difficult the first time you do them." She was right. My core was so weak that it felt like I didn't have one. And I had to pause the video frequently to take breaks between leg raises and scissor kicks.
I started to think, "This is really hard. Perhaps I picked the wrong challenge. I don't think I could do this for 100 days. I wasn't strong enough when I was younger. What makes me think I could do it now?"
In addition to these doubts, it was hard not to notice my belly folds as I stretched. More critical thoughts came up, "I am so out-of-shape. I really should have worked out more. That doesn't look sexy to me."
Through my practice of mindfulness and self-compassion over the past few years, I've learned that the more I reject a certain aspect of myself that I don't like, the more difficult it is to experience transformation. The first step is to accept myself and my body just as I am. Instead of body shaming myself, I can observe and acknowledge my critical thoughts and feelings compassionately, "Yeah, I feel a bit of shame and embarrassment. And lots of I-should-have-done-this. This is difficult!"
In addition, I am celebrating what my body has accomplished. My belly was stretched to incubate an amazing human being. And I feel confident that it could still do amazing things. Thus, instead of thinking of getting rid of the body fat, the focus has become, "I want to get even stronger."
As with many fitness exercises where you feel or see results rather quickly, I could pat myself on the back when I noticed progress after a few days ("Look at what you've achieved. Well done!"). After a couple of weeks, I was able to complete the abs workout without pausing the video.
On Day 70, I managed to do an aerial invert - inverting oneself while on the pole midair - a move that I worked on for a long time when I was in my 20s but had never managed to do. I was exhilarated that I was now stronger than ever. I felt an immense sense of power, and thus I felt sexy.
Got a bit of monkey feet scrambling for contact with the pole but as I get stronger, it will be cleaner and more elegant!
Not only has this sense of empowerment come from accomplishing challenging feats, it also comes from knowing how dancing is allowing me to tap into other kinds of strengths that I need.
When I feel angry or want to be more "badass," I play some CardiB or Amy Winehouse on Spotify. Doing the acrobatic spins or inverts while I danced to their music helps me to get in touch with my anger and to let go of victimhood.
Knowing that my source of feeling sexy comes from my sense of being empowered, age, looks or motherhood are no longer limiting factors. My prime days are way ahead of me, and I can envision myself feeling sexy even when I become a 93-year-old pole dancing grandma.
I’m staying curious about seeing what else emerges from my last 30 days of the challenge. To be continued…
The Beijing Mindfulness Center is offering a free introduction to the concept of Mindful Self-Compassion during the Mindful Mothers meeting time at 10-12:30 on December 2 and 12, 2020 . All are welcome.
INTRO TO MSC
Mindful Self-Compassion
For more information and registration, please scan the QR code in the poster below:
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