雪莉·桑德伯格：最终塑造你的, 是你走过的那些艰难。
英国知名作家，诺贝尔奖获得者William Golding曾说过这样一段话："I think women are foolish to pretend they're equal to men. They are far superior and always have been." 我认为女人假装男女平等真是太傻了，事实上女人比男人优秀多了，而且一直如此。
女性在我们这个世界是伟大的，给予你生命的就是她们，所以不管你有多么成功跟伟大，尊重理解女性，都是最基本的，必须和应该的。
今天要推荐的是雪莉·桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）在加州伯克利大学的毕业演讲。雪莉·桑德伯格是全球最成功的女性之一，Facebook首席运营官扎克伯格的左膀右臂，美国薪酬最高的女高管，她也是第一位进入Facebook董事会的女性成员。
她被美国媒体誉为“硅谷最有影响力女人”，身居福布斯百强女性榜第5名，《时代周刊》的封面人物，并被评为全球最具影响力的人物。
然而，正当她事业蓬勃发展的时候，他的丈夫却撒手人寰。2016年在加州伯克利大学的毕业演讲是她第一次在公众面前谈论起这个事情，她说，最终塑造你的是你走过的那些艰难。
I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.
我明白了，即便悲伤至空虚，或是面对巨大挑战，你仍然可以选择快乐和有意义的生活。
雪莉桑德伯格演讲节选：
Thank you, Marie. And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.
谢谢玛丽。谢谢尊敬的老师们、自豪的父母、忠诚的朋友们，各位同仁。
Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!
祝贺所有人……尤其是伯克利2016级的毕业生们！
It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists…. and that’s just the women!
在伯克利求学是一件幸事，这里出过众多的诺贝尔奖得主、图灵奖获得者、宇航员、国会议员和奥运会金牌得主……而且都有女性！
Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears. Or at least the ones who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.
今天应该感谢。要感谢帮助你们一步步走到这里的人，感谢培养你，教导你，鼓励你，为你擦过眼泪的人。至少也该感谢你在聚会上睡着后没用记号笔在你脸上乱画的小伙伴们。
Today is a day of reflection. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.
今天应该沉思。因为今天意味着你生命中一个时代结束，一个新时代开始。
Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos. But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.
但今天会有点不一样。或许你们还是会扔帽子，还是会拍很多照片。但我今天不想传授生活方面的经验，而是想讲讲从亲人离世后的领悟。
I have never spoken publicly about this before. It’s hard. But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.
我以前从未公开谈论过这件事，其实很难说出口。我会尽量控制住情绪免得哭出来，弄脏这件漂亮的伯克利长袍不太好。
One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico. I took a nap. Dave went to work out. What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor. Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone. Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.
一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我们去墨西哥参加朋友的50岁生日聚会。我睡了个午觉，戴夫去锻炼。接下来的事完全不可想象，我走进健身房看见他躺在地板上。后来我坐飞机回家将这个不幸的消息告诉了孩子们，最后亲眼看着他的棺材下葬。
Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.
戴夫的死深刻地改变了我。我终于明白了什么叫切肤之痛，也体会到痛失所爱的残酷。但我也明白了，当生活给你当头一棒，堕入悲伤之海，你能做的就是奋力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲伤至空虚，或是面对巨大挑战，你仍然可以选择快乐和有意义的生活。
I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.
我跟你们分享亲人离世的感受，是希望能在你们走上社会时就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄灭的火苗。
You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant. There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens. There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed. And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.
生活中总会碰到很多难处理的事。有时错失机会：工作不合适，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬间改变。有时尊严尽失：刻薄的偏见常常刺痛人心。有时缘尽人散：亲密关系一旦破碎就难重圆。有时不仅是生离，还要面临死别。
The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.
问题不是这些事情会不会发生，它们迟早都会来的。我想说的是发生之后怎么办，不管什么困难也不管具体什么时候遭遇，关键是怎样从困境中振作起来。其实只有经历了真正难捱的日子，被逼到崩溃边缘，你才能真正了解自己。要发掘真实的内心，不仅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奋起。
We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?
我们总会碰到不尽如人意只能用B计划的时候，问题是：该怎么面对？
As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.
可能有点硅谷的职业病吧，我想说走出挫折也要科学对待。心理学家马丁塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究几十年后发现，从苦难中振作起来关键是做到三点——不要过分自责（personalization）、不要过分解读（ pervasiveness）以及不要以为伤痛永远不褪（permanence）。挺过生活中一次次打击，才能慢慢磨炼出韧性。
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
不要过分自责，就是说不要把悲伤的原因揽到自己身上。承担责任是应该的，但是痛苦时不要过分情绪化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的坏事都是自己造成的。
The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.
第二条不要过分解读，就是不要笃定坏事一定会影响生活中每个角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是极好的》，反过来就是《一切都是可怕的》。人们常常会以为悲伤大过天，根本无处可逃。
The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.
我跟儿童心理学家聊了之后，他让我尽快恢复孩子们的日常习惯。戴夫去世十天后，他们回到学校，我则回到工作岗位。我记得回去上班后头一次开会，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，“他们都在说什么，这些小事有什么好说的？”但后来我加入讨论，说着说着突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘记了死亡的悲痛。
That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.
那短暂的一瞬让我明白，生活中还有一些事没那么糟糕。毕竟，我跟孩子们都很健康，亲朋好友都那么关心支持我们，那段时间真的多亏他们撑着我才没垮。
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.
第三条是不要以为伤痛永远不褪，就是相信痛苦会一直继续。戴夫去世后有几个月，无论我做什么都能感觉到令人窒息的悲伤，而且从来没有减轻的迹象。
We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings. We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious. We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad. Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever. My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”
我们总是觉得当前不好的感觉会无限延伸，而且不良情绪还会滋生副产品。我们感到焦虑，然后因为焦虑而焦虑；感到伤心，然后因为伤心而伤心。实际上，我们应该诚实面对自己的感觉，然后认清事实，其实所有感觉都不会永远持续。我的拉比（犹太教里的精神导师——译者注）说，时间会治愈一切，我也得学会“向前一步”。这是个好建议，不过我写书时说的“向前一步”其实不完全是这个意思。
None of you need me to explain the fourth P…which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.
其实还有第四个原则，就是美味的披萨，不用解释了吧……
But I wish I had known about the three P’s when I was your age. There were so many times these lessons would have helped.
言归正传，我真的很希望在你们这个年龄就知道这三条原则。许多时候，这些经验都很有用。
The three P’s are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships. You’re probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life. But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can catch yourself. Just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are steps you can take to help kick it into gear.
这三条原则针对的是我们遇到许多事情后常见的反应，不管是事业上，个人生活里，还是人际关系中。没准你现在就正在经历一些挫折。不过，如果你能清醒地发现陷阱，还有自救的机会。我们的身体里都有免疫系统，其实大脑里也有精神免疫系统，只是要用点办法才能启动。
最后，把她写在《向前一步》里的一段话，送给所有的女性。
希望你保持独立姿态，自尊自爱，自信自在，勇于打破年龄的枷锁，不惧容颜的衰老，也懂得享受生活，活出真我。
（文章素材、图片整理自网络）
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