诗苑｜张九龄《望月怀远》（英译十版）
又是一年中秋，今年我们选取了唐代诗人张九龄的一首五言律诗《望月怀远》，与读者诸君共赏。此诗为咏月抒情之名篇，尤其首联更是家喻户晓。开头紧扣题目，首联前句提及“望月”，后句抒写“怀远”；颔联直抒对远方故乡、亲人、爱人的思念；颈联承接颔联，具体描绘了诗人彻夜难眠之情境；尾联进一步抒发了浓浓的思念之情。该诗语言自然浑成，情意缠绵，意境幽美，构思巧妙，融情于景，细腻入微，实属千古好诗。
特别感谢英国威尔士班戈大学许景城博士收集整理多个英文译本，并诚邀班戈大学孔子学院前任英方院长、汉学家David Joyner（周大伟，威尔士人）博士和班戈大学音乐学院退休教师、古典音乐歌唱家Joanna Melville-Richards博士朗诵及点评。
（中文朗读：王颖【河北卫视新闻主播】 英文朗读：李强【河北卫视新闻双语主播】、Joanna、David 音频编辑：许景城 背景音乐：陈国樑《悲》《凄怨》【《延禧攻略》配乐】）
望月怀远
〔唐〕张九龄
海上生明月，天涯共此时。
情人怨遥夜，竟夕起相思。
灭烛怜光满，披衣觉露滋。
不堪盈手赠，还寝梦佳期。
朱振武 译
Missing My Lover on Seeing the Moon
Zhang Jiuling
(Tang Dynasty, about 1300 years ago)
Up the bright moon rises from the sea,
I Share the same moment though far from thee.
I really hate such an unbearable long night
To keep my lover always in my mind.
I Blow the candle out and enjoy the moonlight inside,
Then dress up and go out to feel the dew outside.
I have no way to present you the bright moon,
Thus hurry back to bed to dream of you soon.
【摘自朱振武老师在英语世界大讲堂的讲座（点击可回看），是朱老师20多年前在美讲课时随堂翻译的版本，未经修改。】
许景城（Peter Jingcheng Xu） 译
Musing on the Moon
By Zhang Jiuling
The sea mirrors th’ rising moon bright;
Miles apart, our hearts share tonight.
Dewy-eyed, I wail this lone night:
Nostalgia stirs my heart all night.
The candle doused, brimming is light.
Dressed in a gown, I’m still dewy slight.
Too hard to hand you sweet moonlight:
In sleep, will dreams us reunite?
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
I have seen 9 translations【编注：version 2 - 10】 of the poem by Zhang Jiuling, which vary from a literal prose translation (e.g. Version 6), metamorphosing through various proportions of text and free verse forms and structures (Version 5), to a lyrical version (Version 2), the latter that catches the emotional context in a strict poetic form, imitating that of the original.
Some of the translations are unsatisfactory and are sometimes even rather strange to English first language speakers like myself. Such an expression as 'cut out the candlelight' (Version 7) is alien to English speakers; certainly, we would not say 'blow out the candle stick' (Version 10) on the grounds that the candle holder or ‘stick’ cannot be blown out. However, the expressions, such as 'The candle doused' (Version 2), ‘blow my lamp out’ (although quite archaic, version 3), ‘Candle blown out’ (Versions 4 and 9), ‘blow out my candle’ (Version 5), ‘extinguish the candle’ (Version 6), and ‘candle is snuffed out’ (although the definite article ‘the’ is needed, Version 8), are acceptable. I get the feeling that some of these translations have been achieved with a dictionary in one hand without absolute comprehension of the language therein.
Version 2 by Peter Jingcheng Xu more strictly maintains the original end-rhyme patterns than any of the other renditions: His rhyming scheme AAAAAAAA is far closer to the original ABCBDBEB. His version is compact and terse, harnessing pithy and lucid words to describe a universal longing which resonates throughout the centuries. A poem is a device and medium to express complex feelings with succinct and vivid words. English Sonnets, Welsh Englyn and Japanese Haiku all aim to encompass a universal truth in a few words. This poem is no exception and Peter follows and respects this tradition and transports it literarily and poetically into the target-language context.
Herbert A Giles 译
By Moonlight
Over the sea the round moon rises bright,
And floods the horizon with its silver light.
In absence lovers grieve that nights should be,
But all the livelong night I think of thee.
I blow my lamp out to enjoy this rest,
And shake the gathering dewdrop from my vest.
Alas! I cannot share with thee these beams,
So lay me down to seek thee in my dreams.
【选自：Herbert A. Giles, Chinese Poetry in English Verse, London: Bernard Quaritch, 1898, p.48.】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
This version, that by Herbert Giles shows its age: it is anachronistic and the language used is archaic and overly formal in a manner that we would never use nowadays. 'Vest'? To us, this is an undergarment, functional, but not attractive. This image rather detracts from any concept of beauty which I think this poem is meant to convey.
许渊冲 译
Looking at the Moon and
Longing for One Far Away
Over the sea grows the moon bright;
We gaze on it far, far apart.
Lovers complain of long, long night;
They rise and long for the dear heart.
Candle blown out, fuller is light;
My coat put on, I’m moist with dew.
As I can’t hand you moonbeams white,
I go to bed to dream of you.
【选自：许渊冲，《唐诗三百首》，高等教育出版社，2000.】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
Version 4 has repetition of words ‘far, far’ and ‘long, long’: this technique is not employed in the landscape of the source text. As such, because they are not particularly mellifluous words: the phrases 'far, far' and 'long, long', do not impact dramatically on the picture which the poet is attempting to describe. 'Long' is repeated again in the following line as a verb, which could, in the right hands, be a clever poetic conceit, but in this case, is almost certainly not the poet's intention since the parallel conceit does not exist in the original text. In this case, it is better to replace it with another word like ‘crave’ or ‘yearn’.
Jane Beal 译
Looking at the Moon and
Thinking for One Far Away
Zhang Jiuling
The moon, grown full now over the sea,
Brightening the whole of heaven,
Brings to separated hearts
The long thoughtfulness of night....
It is no darker though I blow out my candle.
It is no warmer though I put on my coat.
So I leave my message with the moon
And turn to my bed, hoping for dreams.
【选自：thepoetryplace.wordpress.com】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
Version 5 is a very free verse. Toward the end of the poem, the original author describes the beautiful concept of holding the moonlight in the poet's hand, but is unable to share his handful of moonbeams, which is completely omitted in this version. The alternative offering does not create this vivid image of a handful of bright light and the powerlessness of the poet to give it to his beloved.
裘小龙 译
Thinking of the Man
Far Away in the Moonlight
The moon rising above the sea,
we share, far, far away
as you may find yourself.
Sad, sleepless, in the long night,
in separation, I think of you.
The moon so touchingly bright,
I extinguish the candle and step out,
my clothes wet by dew.
Alas, I cannot hold the moonlight
in my slender hand. I go back
into the room, perhaps
to dream again
of reunion.
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
Version 6 is possibly the most literal translation but it loses the lyricism of the original in so doing. The imagery is there but the rendition is prose, which does not have a rhythmic stress pattern.
译本七
谢百魁 译
Thinking of My Beloved
While Looking at the Moon
Zhang Jiuling
The bright moon rises over the sea.
I am sharing this same nice moment with thee,
Though by a great distance separated are we.
Hating the long darkness, I can only think of thee all night.
Having cut out the candlelight,
I’m glad of the moon shining full bright.
Draped in a mantle and going out into the air,
I feel that I’m touched with dew on the hair.
Unable to give thee in the palm of my hand some moonlight,
I’m back to sleep, to dream of our next tryst with delight.
【选自：谢百魁，《英法双译唐诗100首(汉英法对照)》，中国对外翻译出版有限公司，2011.】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
Version 7 is verbose: too many words to convey the terse, emotive mood of the original poem. 'Nice' is a rather mediocre adjective to describe the intimacy of the moment: it has the meaning of 'agreeable, pleasant, and satisfactory’ in modern English (see Oxford dictionary). Probably when this translation was made – I'm guessing that in the late nineteenth century or the early twentieth century, the meaning was more appropriate to the original poet’s situation. The lines are in rhyming couplets, but very uneven in length and stress. Of interesting note is that the number of the lines in this version is too many, with two more lines than that of the source text.
译本八
徐忠杰 译
Watching the Moon and Thinking Far
Out of the sea rises the brilliant moon.
Far apart we enjoy the same moon light.
Lovers complain of the long, sleepless hours.
Yearning-languishing-throughout the whole night.
When candle is snuffed out, moonlight floods the room.
One’s coat on to be moist with dew, it seem.
Such a moon, one can’t send as a mutual gift.
One’d rather sleep and be in a sweet dream.
【选自：徐忠杰，《唐诗二百首英译》，北京语言学院出版社，1990, , pp. 18-19.】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
In Version 8, the poem has been maintained in eight lines, conforming to the original with alternate rhyming lines. The lines scan well and the poet's emotions are vividly conveyed especially with the phrase 'yearning-languishing-throughout'. The concepts are sustained until, sadly, the last line which does not have quite the same impact as the original poem. Here, no lover is mentioned in the poet's longing for a sweet dream, which is perhaps the only way he can communicate his feelings to his beloved.
译本九
Ni Peiling 译
Viewing the Moon and
Missing the Dear One Afar
The moon is borne so bright above the sea
And bathes at once the distant one and me.
A lover hates the endless lonesome night,
For he would long for the one out of sight.
The candle blown out, I love moonlight more;
The dew damp, I dress to get out of door.
Since I can’t make a gift of the moonbeams,
I turn in, wishing to see you in dreams.
【选自：许渊冲、陆佩弦、吴钧陶编，《唐诗三百首新译》，商务印书馆，1988 , p. 9.】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
Version 9 is quite loyal to the original in images, but not in rhyming scheme. There is a curious lack of adjectives and descriptive words throughout the target-language text, except 'endless lonesome' which has a dramatic and emotive impact. Otherwise, there is little to catch attention, no poetic phrases and no vivid vocabulary, with which to conjure up a striking concept. The structure is basically rhyming couplets - AABBCCDD.
译本十
Ying Sun 译
Viewing the Moon, Thinking of You
Zhang Jiuling
As the bright moon shines over the sea,
From far away you share this moment with me.
For parted lovers lonely nights are the worst to be.
All night long I think of no one but thee.
To enjoy the moon I blow out the candle stick.
Please put on your nightgown for the dew is thick.
I try to offer you the moonlight so hard to pick,
Hoping a reunion in my dream will come quick.
【选自：中国日报网英语点津】
Dr Joanna Melville-Richards:
In Version 10, the translator employs the second person pronoun ‘you’, which is not found in the original. The original is more introspective: the poet is expressing his own feelings in isolation. In this version, the phrase 'Please put on your night gown' is an extraordinary translation and quite different in meaning from the original one. As I have commented in my analysis of the use of language earlier, this rendition uses the awkward phrase 'blow out the candle stick' which does not make sense to first language English speakers. Hoever, there is some attempt to recreate the rhyming scheme of the Chinese poem, but it is only partial, - AAAABBBB.
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