Notes on the Danger of Notebooks
By Kay Ryan
【1】Memory is only necessary for those who insist upon novelty, I wrote on a small piece of paper as a note to myself some weeks ago, beginning to think about the danger of notebooks. Now I don’t quite know what I meant. By memory I probably meant notebooks, documents kept in order to hold onto thoughts and experiences, documents intended to create an exomemory like an exoskeleton—notebooks as a shell to protect us from loss. I no longer know exactly what I meant by my epigram at the moment I was writing it to my future self; I have lost it in spite of itself. I imagine that it was an intense and provocative idea at the time, welding many loose stars into a single constellation. Otherwise I wouldn’t have jotted it down. Also I must have believed I would know what I meant later. This is an interesting idea: Notes such as mine are actually promissory notes—when I write them to myself, I can enjoy the feeling that I have something wonderful to express, but I don’t have to spell it out yet. The balloon payment lies far off in the future. This is a nice thing about notes, this promising feeling they give us with no work.【2】But for the purposes of stimulating or focusing thoughts, anything else works just as well as a note. All you really need is a little nick to the brain. Everyone has experienced this: When you are hungry, everything starts smelling good; when you have an idea, everything collaborates. In short, notes are no more useful than the words on a matchbook—to the prepared mind. Because thinking wants only the tiniest bit of novelty, the tiniest little bit of new per old. Our novelty-obsessed culture disturbs the new-to-old ratio in our minds and therefore makes it almost impossible to think. It is because people are so in the grip of this novelty that they feel the desperate need to keep notebooks against loss; they are convinced they have so much to lose. If people were doing the same thing over and over, rocked in the meditative arms of repetition, they could have some real fun.【3】Real fun reminds me of the fun-loving British poet Stevie Smith, who celebrated the novelty-free life. Well, not quite novelty-free; it is a great pleasure to say no (“Le Plaisir aristocratique de déplaire”) though you must also occasionally say yes, “or you will turn into an Oblomov. He stayed in bed all day and was robbed by his servants. There was little enjoyment there.” A great celebrator of the “regular habits” which “sweeten simplicity,” she says, “In the middle of every morning I leave the kitchen and have a glass of sherry with Aunt. I can only say that this is glorious.” And because of her life of regular habits, the rare interruption is almost hallucinogenic. She reports seeing The Trojan Women on a friend’s television. She is nearly undone with amusement at the hash it makes of Euripides: “What an earthshaking joke this is. Yet, if my life was not simple, if I looked at television all the time, I might have missed it.”【4】Memory as a job, as a notebook to be kept, is only necessary for those who insist upon novelty. If you delight in habit as Stevie Smith did, if it is your pleasure to do things in the same way without inviting change, you don’t have to write much down. And when things do change, as they will even without invitation, then you will really notice the change. Your memory will be deep, quiet, undifferentiated as a pool. Change will enter and twist like a drop of ink, the tiniest bit of new per old.有关记事本之危险的提示(节选)
文/凯·瑞安
译/傅晓微、高伟
【1】“只有坚持要标新立异的人才会觉得记事儿有用。”几个星期前,在开始思考记事本可能有害之际,我在一张小纸条上写下这句话,作为留给自己的提醒。但现在我不是很清楚我想说什么。我所谓的记,大概就是指写到记事本上。保存的记录是为了留住所遇所想,也可以说是旨在创造一个外部储存器,像外骨骼一样,记事本是个外壳,防止我们遗忘。我已经不再清楚那时给未来的自己写下此番隽语究竟想表达什么,文字犹在,其意已去。我能想象当时那个想法喷薄而出,发人深省,像是将众多松散的星星连缀成星座。不然的话,我也不会匆匆记下来。而且我当时一定相信自己之后也能想起其意蕴所指。这是个有趣的想法:像我这样记下的事儿其实就如同一张承诺兑付的期票——我写给自己时,很享受将自己的奇思妙想付诸纸笔,但觉得没必要把含义说白写透,而这张期票何时到期清偿却遥遥无期。这就是记事儿的好处,不费吹灰之力便让我们感觉未来可期。
【2】但如果是为了激发思维或凝聚思想,其他方式也可以和笔记一样好用。你真正需要的不过是在脑海中留下痕迹。人人都有过这样的经历:肚子饿了,样样闻着香;主意有了,事事都顺心。简言之,头脑有准备,记录不会比火柴上的文字更有用。因为思想只需要极少的新意念,就是比旧想法新那么一点点儿。痴迷新奇的文化搅乱了我们头脑中的新旧之比,进而让我们几乎无法思考。这是因为人们被这种新奇的感觉牢牢把控,以至于觉得迫切需要记到本上来对抗遗忘,深信(不记的话)自己要失却很多很多的东西。如果人们真的这样不停地记这记那,在反反复复中苦思冥想,左右摇摆,没准儿能找到些真正的乐趣。
【3】说到真正的乐趣,我想起爱好玩乐的英国诗人史蒂维·史密斯,她歌颂毫无新意的生活。当然啦,也并非全无新意。能说“不”就极为开心(“像贵族那样从令人不悦中获得愉悦”),虽然有时候必须说“是”,“不然,你就成奥勃洛摩夫(俄国作家冈察洛夫同名小说的主人公)啦。他整日躺在床上,受仆人们盘剥。没什么乐子可言”。史密斯特别喜欢“让简单甜蜜起来”的“固定习惯”,她说,“每天上午十点左右,我离开厨房与姨妈一起喝一杯雪莉酒。我只能说,真是太妙了。”而且,因为史密斯守着固定的习惯过日子,偶有中断便令她产生幻觉。她讲述了自己在某个朋友家的电视上看到《特洛伊妇女》的情景。这部欧里庇得斯的作品被弄得一团糟,她简直乐不可支:“多么惊天动地的玩笑啊!可是,如果不是因为我生活简单,如果我一直都在看电视,也许我就会错过这个玩笑。”
【4】记忆作为一项工作,作为一本需要保留的记事本,只有不断追新的人才会需要。如果你像史蒂维·史密斯那般乐于固守习惯,如果你喜欢做事按部就班,不主动改变,那么你便无须记录太多。一旦变化不期而至,你定能感受到这变化。你的记忆将是一池幽深沉静、波澜不惊的水。变化会像墨滴落水,扭曲浸染,那就是故念中的一丝新意。
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