Long-term Expat Heroically Passes HSK 1

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Last Monday, Jeffrey Parker, a long-time Beijing resident and young learner acquisition specialist at Happy Giraffe English, conquered the linguistic equivalent of Mount Everest: he passed the HSK 1.

We spoke with Mr. Parker at Mr. Shi’s Dumplings, where he confidently ordered “两个 beef and cheese dumplings.”

“I couldn’t believe it,” he said. “I failed the test last spring because I thought that the listening section would also be in pinyin. I spent the last year drilling all 150 characters in a variety of ways, and it seems my hard work has finally paid off.”

Following his astounding achievement, Mr. Parker has noticed improvement in all aspects of his life. “Learning these words just helped me get more in touch with Chinese culture.” He noticed a marked improvement at work, where his young learners have acquired English faster than before. “We aren’t supposed to speak Chinese in the workplace, but every once in a while I like to throw a little ‘猫’ or ‘狗’ in there just to make sure the children understand why I am on all fours barking like a hound.”

With his newfound mastery of the language, Mr. Parker is considering a career switch. “I think these 150 words have opened a new door for me, or a ‘门’ as the Chinese say. I just think so many Western companies need foreigners with applicable language skills like me if they want to penetrate the Chinese, or ‘中国’, market. My teacher used to remind me that I was '一文不值,' something about being valuable but that's HSK 3.”

Outside of his budding career prospects, Mr. Parker’s personal life has also taken an upward turn. “I’ve been in Beijing for six years now, and I’ve been single the whole time. I want a serious relationship and a lot of Western girls are just too immature. Now that I’ve mastered the HSK 1, I’ve been able to build meaningful connections with the waitresses at Slow Boat.”

We asked Mr. Parker about his tips and strategies for preparing for the HSK 1. He laughed and put down his fork. “I think it’s all about repetition. You have to live and breathe the language. I did a lot of flashcardwork, but most of my preparation was immersing myself in the culture. You have to get out there and talk; 这个 this and 呢个 that. Just listening to Chinese movies and TV, even if I didn’t understand everything, really improved my fluency. Some of my favorites were Old Boy, Spirited Away,and Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift. I watched with subtitles because I didn’t always understand the tones, but it really helped me ace the test.”

When the meal was over, Mr. Parker called the waiter over and flexed his Mandarin muscles: “请给我们一个菜单.” The waiter brought over the menu and Mr. Parker shot him a look of disappointment. “买单吗？我说了菜单。你能不能说中文？” He looked at me. “Service in this city, am I right? But I guess everyone makes mistakes.”