An Open Letter From One Beijing Mom to Another

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Dear Everyone,

Before I met my husband, before I became a mother, I was in constant pursuit of happiness. My perception of happiness back then is reflected in the left picture. I thought an appearance like that would bring me joy and success. I was depressed and confused. I lived a life where I partly measured my value in the response I got on social media.

I had never been slimmer in my life, yet I cried myself to sleep almost every day. I was never good enough. Now I’m asking myself, good enough for who?

To understand that I thought I was only worthy of shallow people’s attention makes me very sad. We are all better than that. Why would I even want people like that around myself… Despite it being a dark period of my life, it’s now very reassuring to know that I was unhappy back then. Deep down I knew that what I was doing and how I was thinking was wrong. I finally broke through.

Back then my body weighed 12kg less compared to this day, it did not make me happy. Today my soul weigh 12kg less compared to then, this makes me happy.

Right next to me in this very moment, I have my husband goofing around with my daughter in her stroller, she’s shouting and making the cutest noises I’ve ever heard in my whole life. I’m not wearing makeup, I’m here in my sports bra, a bra that smells of sour milk, I haven’t properly worked out for a year. And guess what, I am happy, I am accepted, I am loved by the two most amazing human beings. Another newsflash, my personality got me this. It was not the slim body I had strived so hard to get for all those years. The moment I decided to finally show my true colors, stopped hiding, and stopped care about what comes my way or not, the universe gifted me with my husband, then it gifted us with our beloved daughter. Being content with myself helped me attract a person of equal mindset and heart. We both treasure what really matters in our very short lives, hence our happy marriage.

Happiness, honesty, support, respect, loyalty & love. None of it achieved and maintained simply because of a person’s appearance.

Love,
Camilla Kongshavn Jovanović

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Photos: unsplash, Camilla Kongshavn Jovanović

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