4 Guiding Principles to Inspire a Love of Learning in Kids
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Let Go of Expectations
Sometimes we’re tempted to measure how successful we are as parents based on which school our kids attend. I graduated from Stanford, and my husband graduated from MIT. A few years ago, I asked myself, “Would I be ok if my kid doesn’t go to college?” I spent a couple of days pondering about this question and arrived at the conclusion that yes, I would feel ok.But letting go of my expectations doesn’t mean that I will not help my child develop his potential, and it doesn’t mean he will be lazy and not work hard (on the contrary, kids work incredibly hard on things they’re passionate about.) Instead, letting go of expectations is about opening up my child to limitless opportunities and allowing him to go beyond my imagination.Advertisement
Support My Child in Finding His Genuine Passion
My husband has interviewed dozens of students from China interested in applying to MIT. These candidates all have a long list of very impressive achievements, but when they talk about their interests, many lacked a genuine spark in their eyes. Yet admission officers are looking for students who show a genuine, deep passion and strong leadership skills.Some people may think kids are too young to know what they want, but there are many practical ways to support our kids in developing their passion:Carefully observe what your child is interested in, and try to avoid making suggestions or critical judgments about what he is,or should be focusing on. (e.g. “That’s not interesting, do this part instead”)
Creating blocks of free time so that your child has time to explore and delve into his or her interest. You may say, “My kid has so many extracurricular activities to do!” but sometimes less is more, and having a focus is more important. If your child doesn’t have enough time, it’s important to review why (e.g. could it be a study strategy issue?).
Ask your child to reflect on their learning experiences by asking questions like, “What did you do (differently) this time?” “If you could time travel, what advice would you go back and give yourself?”
Model Instead of Teach
I know a whole lot of study, time management, and self-management skills but my child probably won’t listen to me much, especially when he hits his teenage years. Kids may or may not listen but they’re great at imitating us. My strategy is to model these skills for my child by doing it myself.If I want to teach him learning skills, I voice my thinking processes out loud when I’m learning or solving a problem.
If I want to encourage him to read more, I’ve got to be reading regularly myself. I share how a book has changed my perspective.
If I hope that he develops good habits, I start new habits myself and share my progress and challenges.
If I want him to manage his own time, I post my weekly schedule up on a wall or invite him to join me in my weekly planning session.
Manage My Own Anxiety
Stress is contagious: when we feel stressed, our kids get stressed too.I definitely experience moments when frantic thoughts come out of nowhere (“He should be learning more Chinese,” or “He’s missing out on opportunities”), but practicing mindfulness has helped me a lot. When I’m feeling agitated, I take a pause and avoid communicating with my kid until I’m in a calmer state.And finally, when I just can’t help myself and yell at him, which is quite often, I forgive myself afterward. At the end of the day, taking care of ourselves is the best thing we could do for our children.Charlene Ng is an academic coach, dedicated to helping young people get better grades with less stress and have more fun so that they feel confident achieving anything they want. For families whose child is in middle school and up, and who are planning to or already studying abroad, she offers limited spots for a free 45 min online consultation. To get in touch with Charlene, scan the QR code.
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Photos: Courtesy of Charlene Ng, Unsplash
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