Translated by Pranav SundararajanMeet Haiping and his 6-year old daughter Hallie. Dads are sometimes overlooked in the parenting discussion, particularly in China, when most of the caretaking of young children fall to mothers and other women in the family. Yet when it comes to parenting, Haiping has very high standards and holds himself responsible for making sure his daughter cultivates skills in arts and literacy, is in top physical shape, and acquires a high degree of emotional intelligence. In the process, he and his wife draw upon a wide variety of modern parenting educational trends out there.We talked to Haiping about his parenting style, how he addresses familial conflicts, and how he spends his time with his children.What are your expectations for your child Hallie? What kind of person does she hope to be in the future? I hope my child can become a true global citizen, who will be able to freely exercise multicultural thinking in all the activities she pursues. I hope she develops a broad vision of what she wants to achieve, has an inquisitive mind and maintains a fair and objective view of the people, things, and events around her. I hope she makes adequate use of global resources for the benefit of global societies. In addition to her education, I am keeping a close eye on her design and creativity skills, as well as her sense of empathy.On a 5-point scale, with 1 being very laid-back and relaxed, and 5 being very strict, how would you rate the parenting methods you use in your family? Are you satisfied with this parenting style?I would rate our family at a 3. We don’t impose our control on her as parents; we try not to instruct her from a position of authority. We want the relationship to be as mutual as possible, where everyone is treated equally. So, we as parents intend to influence and guide her based on what she says and does. Whatever we do together as a family is discussed together and everyone freely expresses their views. If something directly impacts a certain member, it is up to that person to decide. The choices that most directly impact Hallie are all selected and decided by herself, such as what after-school programs to do and how much time that should be spent on her devices. She works with us parents to formulate the family rules and abide by them together.I am very happy with the current dynamic. I find that Hallie is willing to express her opinions more confidently. She acknowledges the respect, trust and support from her parents, and does not feel any sort of opposition, excessive monitoring, doubt, and denial. This gives her a very strong sense of security and self-drive. She will often share some very interesting and crazy ideas with us but also respects our feelings and suggestions at the same time.Advertisement
During the COVID-19 pandemic, did you or your family members get to have more time with the children? How do you usually spend your family time? The pandemic has actually made it easier for us to enjoy large stretches of time with our family. My wife and I are usually busy, so we welcomed the refreshing change of pace. Hallie continued her usual gymnastics training at home, and I often took her out to play golf. During this pandemic period, she won first prize in a national gymnastics competition, organized by the State Sports General Administration and the Chinese Gymnastics Association. Hallie also wrote and created a lot of English stories and hand-painted drawings. My wife also helped her design and stage a puppet drama show in English, which was a lot of fun.Although we were very busy at work before the pandemic, we always made sure to set aside two or three times each year to travel as a family for a vacation. We’ve been to several countries and have done plenty of sightseeing, caught up with old friends, soaked in the local lifestyles and cultures, and relaxed in some of the most beautiful resorts.What activities do you enjoy doing with your children? I most enjoy working with Hallie together on a shared product or activity. Sometimes, we build Lego models together. We do calligraphy works and paintings together. I also take her to play golf and teach her how to get a hole-in-one. Sometimes we make music together; she plays the piano and I sing.When we cooperate and work together, I find that there is a natural, tacit understanding and trust between me and my daughter. We’ve had a lot of good times together. The feelings we have for each other is very real and very precious.If a disagreement arises between you and your wife on your child’s education, how do you usually address it? If we disagree on matters regarding Hallie’s education, we would definitely not argue in front of her and rather discuss it amongst ourselves. It would confuse her if each of us has differing views. What we do is, if one of us is more experienced, or has more knowledge on the matter, we agree to that person’s viewpoint.For example, my wife has good insights into language education. Therefore, I would listen to her views more in this aspect. While in regards to sports and the arts, my wife will take my opinions into account. However, I find that our views on education are not rigid but are rather dynamic and flexible to change at any time. After all, the best views and methods of education are based on what happens in reality and what the child feels. A parent considering education for their children must strike a balance between the universally accepted educational views and the directions we give to children based on our personal growth and experiences.This article is an adapted translation of an article that was originally published on our sister site, jingkids.
Translated by Pranav Sundararajan
Advertisement
Photos: Jingkids Shanghai, Unsplash