Do Your Kids Think You’re Cool?

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Qinglan Du and her mom

Perhaps the one thing I’m most thankful for is my parents. They inspire me in so many ways, whether it’s school, my future career, or just how to be a person in general. It’s a universal problem that when children become teenagers, they drift apart from their parents. Teens head straight to their rooms, lock the door, and they share so little about their life that connecting with them is like cracking codes. Luckily, I didn’t go through such a phase. Instead, I feel like my adolescent years have drawn me closer to my parents, and maybe this has to do with the fact that they’re “cool”. Not the same “cool” as the cheerleading girls or the boys on the football team. It’s much more complex than that and varies from parent to parent.

Being Open and Accepting of Friends

It’s inevitable that every teenager will enjoy spending time with friends, sometimes more than spending time with family. Often, the distancing and drifting begin because parents aren’t supportive of their kid’s social life. It’s important to trust your child and let them hang out freely with friends. Try not to question where they’re going, who they’re going with, and what they’re doing. The more suspicious you are, the more your child feels the need to lie. It’s also important not to be overly strict with when your child is allowed to go out. As long as it’s not at an absurd hour or right before a major exam, give permission for them to attend that concert they’ve been counting down for, or go on that date they’ve been stressing over. For me, I usually wouldn’t hesitate about asking to go out… of course except for recent months because of COVID-19.

Qinglan Du and her dad

Giving Relationship Advice

The most awkward conversation to have between any child and parent tends to be the “relationship talk.” Teenagers are often embarrassed about discussing their love life with family, but it’s ever so crucial to open up that door. In order to build an environment where adolescents feel comfortable sharing, parents must show their support and non-judgment. Recently, my mom has been giving me relationship advice motivating me to make a move and expressing her interests in meeting the boy. By giving solid advice rather than lectures on teen romance, all of a sudden your child will feel understood and have someone reliable to turn to.

Balancing Work and Parenting

An unfortunate circumstance in many households is that parents are often too busy working to spend quality time with their kids. This, of course, is perfectly understandable. Personally what I find coolest about my parents is how they balance the two. My parents are both journalists, and in the past half-year, I’ve stayed with my mom who’s especially busy reporting Israel’s COVID-19 situation. She manages to engage me in her work by taking me on interviews, live broadcasts, and asking me to contribute thoughts on news articles. With her, I can visit eyeopening places and people I wouldn’t be able to otherwise, such as the Gaza border, the President of the Hebrew University, the Israel Defense Force graduation ceremony, and more. No matter what your profession is, always try to show your child the interesting side of it, because a bonus might be that they find a passion within it.

Being Adventurous and Fun

When we think of a cool parent, we definitely think of a fun parent. Children and teens are at the age of endless curiosity, so it’s the parents’ duty to fulfill that. Go shopping with your child, take them on a road trip, do that TikTok trend with them. There’s no better way to connect than by actively participating in their life and going above and beyond to create worthwhile memories for them. With my mom, we frequently go on road trips across the country, exploring national parks, hiking mountains, swimming in lakes, etc. This showed me outings and adventures with parents are often more meaningful than the stereotypical “cool” option of going with friends.

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Not Putting Pressure on Schoolwork

Academics are probably the last thing any child would associate with a cool parent. Among my peers, I’ve witnessed all sorts of pushy parents sending their kids to as many extracurricular study classes as they can cram into a week. This tends to be the number one cause of distance between parent and child. Barely any free time is left for spending time together and the child constantly feels pressured into achieving unrealistically high expectations.

To resolve this, lower those expectations, but keep them reasonably challenging. Don’t expect him/her to acquire full marks across all subjects every semester of secondary school. This will only shatter any interest they had and is essentially teaching them to learn for the sake of grades, which is the worst mindset to get into. For me, my parents are happy as long as I submit my best work. They sit with me to work through my mistakes rather than prioritize grades, which in my opinion, is the reason why I’ve stayed motivated to excel in school.

To sum it all up, when it comes to our parents, defining “cool” can be very individualized. These are five guidelines that really hit home for me. Try applying them to your life and see if they’re the icing on the cake your household is missing. Don’t forget, communication is key. Discuss them with your family and start refining your parent-child relationship, one step at a time.

Qinglan Du is a 16-year-old student from Beijing City International School. She’s originally from Beijing but is currently living in Jerusalem with her mother due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Aside from her passion for writing, she enjoys singing, spending time with friends and family, and experiencing new cultures.

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Photos: Qinglan Du, Pexels 

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