How to Talk to Your Kids About Thanksgiving

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Growing up near Plimouth Plantation, the Thanksgiving myth was strong in my early life. I mean, we used to travel over an hour to go stare at an engraved rock for school field trips; that’s how deep it runs. Thanksgiving is a hard holiday for me because I want our kids to understand both the mythology behind the holiday and the realities I learned way too late in life.

The holiday won’t be as big a deal in Beijing as it would be in America, where turkeys and Stove Top stuffing fight for space next to Halloween candy. As a result, we’re even more motivated to take this time away from their typical American upbringing to introduce Thanksgiving as more of a fun family meal and an opportunity to delve into the truth behind historical mythologies.

Start With the Story

As with most mythology-centered events, we start with the story they’re most likely to hear first. We frame it as “This is the story you will be told,” and then “Here is the reality as we know it.” I find it easier to separate things into stories and reality first, then listen to what questions they have, what details they missed, and where their mind takes them. I can go on any number of rants about these topics, so it’s important to follow their lead and try to hear how they perceived it before getting too complex.

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Review vocabulary

My oldest was four when he asked why we had never seen the Disney movie Pocahontas. Deep breath. Okay, it's time to talk about who gets to tell whose story. Shortly after that, he came home from school with an “Indian headdress.” This was back in the US, so I should have known, but I’d hoped his Montessori school was more progressive than that. I was very, very wrong. Another deep breath and we discussed why people call them Indians versus Native Americans versus indigenous people. Something must have clicked because when we got a new atlas and reviewed parts of the world, he wanted to know who were the first people on those continents?

What do You Want Thanksgiving to Mean?

My husband and I were pretty clear from the beginning of our relationship that we like the concept of a big meal with friends and family, stressing that it’s our chosen family and not simply an obligation to travel back “home” and visit relatives. So whether we accepted someone’s invitation to their table or hosted our own, we always stressed to the kids how meaningful it is to have friends and be able to share your time with them. Our first year in Beijing, we were lucky enough to have a friend in Hong Kong come to stay the weekend. That gave us the excuse to have two Thanksgivings!

Decolonize Your Bookshelf

One way I keep family traditions going no matter where we travel is that we have certain holiday-themed books that come out of the storage bins once a year. Halloween brings out our favorite board books and Christmas and Chinese New Year have their own sets of stories. Thanksgiving is a little trickier, and I prefer to read books written by indigenous authors so there aren’t unknown micro-aggressions or stereotypes presented. Here is a quick sample of books that you can easily find as ebooks: Gracias the Thanksgiving Turkey by Joe Crowley; We Are Grateful/Otsaliheliga – Traci Sorell (Cherokee) and Frané Lessac; and for older kids is 1621: A New Look at Thanksgiving by Catherine O’Neil Grace and Margaret M. Bruchac (Abenaki).

Focus on Gratitude

You don’t have to conquer all historical biases in one holiday, so take your time and let your kids' natural curiosity lead your conversations. Most importantly, help children focus on gratitude and why you are grateful after such a tumultuous year. I found a lot of cool free activities on the website Teachers Pay Teachers, including this quick paper bag gratitude scrapbook! We also made a Gratitude Tree with their friends right after Halloween to spark just such conversations.

As it turns out, even holidays with problematic origins can make for a great discussion with your family.

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Photos: Canva, Teachers Pay Teachers, National Geographic 

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