Tech Rules: The Ins and Outs of Handing Tech to Small Children

Advertisement

No screen time before age two, or is it age five? Only two hours a day if you’re under age 12, right? Should they be on social media before age 16? Can I post their photos on my social media? I heard they need special blue-light-reducing glasses. I heard computers are ok but no TV between 4pm and bedtime. Give them a cell phone but have parental blocks on it. No, don’t block their access but monitor their activity with parental spyware. Wait, is that an invasion of their privacy? Is screen time making our kids fat/mean/lazy? Be an unplugged household, be a plugged-in household, live in a yurt, and run your electronics off of kinetic energy you create from the stationary bicycle in your backyard! Heeeeeeeelp! Someone stop the madness!!!

Seventy-four years ago, The RCA Corporation sold the first mass-produced television set and ignited a debate about screen time. From the very beginning, opinions about what this new device would do to our brains, bodies, and families have been intense and loudly proclaimed by parents, politicians, preachers, and everyone in-between. Since then, myriad new screens have entered our lives from home computers in the ’80s, smartphones in the ’90s, and, of course, the rise of social media to populate all those devices in the ’00s. Screens are now ubiquitous and an unavoidable part of our lives. Technology’s incredibly fast evolution has only ratcheted up the rhetoric as we try to figure out how to navigate this new world. Every parenting blog, vlog, and magazine (yes, I’m pointing the finger at myself here) claims to have the answer and it’s all completely contradictory. So, what’s a parent to do?

The truth is no one has the answers. We don’t know what the ramifications of screens will be in six months, much less in 60 years. But they are here to stay and unless you move to Antarctica, you and your child will probably need to interact with them most days. Like most parenting conundrums you will need to decide, usually through trial and error, what is best for your child and your family.  Below are some of my thoughts and suggestions as an educator. They will not apply to everyone, so my hope is that you will use what you find helpful and disregard what doesn’t work for your family.

It’s Our Savior/It’s Our Doom

Throughout history, any new technology has been met with both of these bold pronouncements. The printing press was simultaneously lauded as a beacon for enlightenment and derided for discouraging memorization which (it was thought) would cause the human mind to literally shrink. The truth is most tech is a tool. And like any tool, it can be used to build something or destroy something. Teaching our kids how to use tech to build is probably a better use of our time because…

Advertisement

They Were Born With a Smartphone in Their Hands

Our generation thought home computers were a luxurious curiosity, dial-up was “so convenient” and Facebook was “totally game-changing.” For this generation of kids, tech is not a novelty. It just…is. There are TV screens in the subway, touch screens to check you out at the supermarket, and instant access to breaking world news… in our pocket!

Screens are just a part of a child’s world and they intuitively know how to use them. That means…

Content Matters

A Caldecott book does more for their brain than a comic strip so what they read or watch on that screen makes a difference. Encourage them to look up answers to questions like “why does the sky turn pink when the sun goes down” instead of streaming endless unboxing videos. Not that there is anything wrong with the occasional YouTube binge. But think of them like chocolate: enjoyable but not the bulk of the meal.

Limit but Don’t Deny

To continue the food analogy, if you tell your kids they can never ever have evil sugar, it’s likely that the first thing they do when out of sight is to eat a box of cookies. Teach responsible moderation. Laugh over the frolicking puppy video together but then switch over to watching a cool science experiment!

Start Virtual and Then Take It Analog

After you watch that amazing baking soda volcano erupt on screen excitedly ask, “should we try it in our kitchen?” Encourage screen time as an enhancement to an experience instead of the experience itself and children are more likely to view it as a positive tool to inspire and inform life in the real world.

Model Behavior

Watch your own intake. If every time your child sees you, you are checking your feed or posting pictures, that sends a message. If the main form of communication between you and your friends is text or WeChat, that will be their idea of a relationship. So, if you want them to learn to have deep, meaningful, in-person conversations, model putting the phone away and laughing in person over lunch. Let them see that Instagram FOMO is not a reason to miss out on what’s happening in front of them.

Consequences

You and I grew up seeing the instant results of our words. If you said something cruel on the playground, you saw the tears of your friend and immediately knew you had crossed a line. But now most of us receive a delayed reaction if we see a reaction at all. Whether it is video chats with family members across an ocean or posts read by thousands of people we have never met, there is a screen between the communicator and the recipient.  That means we often do not get instant non-verbal feedback.

So how do we let children see that there are real-world responses to online events? How do we make them understand that there are real people on the other side of the screen? I suggest a 30-second rule for many parents. If your young child wants to send a text or post a message they can type/dictate it to you but they have to wait 30 seconds before hitting send. Set a timer and ask the child to think about how they would feel if they received these words or images. If they can respond positively to that question then, at the end of the waiting period, they can hit send. If they say it would make them feel bad or sad, ask them if they still think they should send it.

Even in the digital age grandma’s advice is still valid. Think before you speak!

Be Flexible

No matter what guidelines your family settles on, there will be exceptions to the rules. You will be driving cross country and need 30 minutes of relative peace. It’s ok to let them watch “Peppa Pig” even if it pushes you over the allotted screen time for the day. If Uncle Mark, seven time zones away, calls during dinner, it’s fine to make an exception and answer even though the dining table is a “no-tech zone.”  As your family grows and changes the rules will need to evolve too. That’s normal and healthy.

Bottom line

Tomorrow there will be a new gadget, app, or hologram that requires us to rethink everything and it will change our schools, businesses, and relationships. But somehow, the human race will survive! Use the stuff that makes your life better and let the rest go.

About the Writer

Julie Wolf is the Director of First Five Early Education Centers in New York and Director of International Education for Newhattan Early Education Centers in China. She has been working with children and parents for over 18 years as a teacher, arts integration specialist, curriculum designer, and staff development expert.

Advertisement

Photos: Pexels, Unsplash 

Hot Topics This Week