When It Comes to Love, Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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Recently NextShark’s Instagram account posted a message that really hit home with me. A Twitter user by the name of Radio Free Amanda (@catcontentonly) wrote “I’m so sick of hearing [about] 'authoritarian' Asian parents. You know what you never hear about? The little gestures of tenderness our parents extended to us that so often go unrecognized.” And what she said is absolutely true. The small gestures of love are never talked about.

Chinese people, especially the older generation, weren’t raised to be so vocal when it comes to love and affection. Thinking back, I’ve never ever heard any of my grandparents tell me, their kids, or even each other that they love them. But does that mean they don’t? Not at all.

Thinking back, I’ve got tons of memories of my aunts who stayed up all night to knit me a sweater because the temperature suddenly dropped, and grandparents putting “the best piece of meat” in my bowl. Freshman year of college, my mom flew across the country on a red-eye flight and showed up at my door with a suitcase of my favorite snacks because she heard my stuffy nose and cough over the phone the night before.

Radio Free Amanda continues to write “You know a common joke among the diaspora? That if your mom catches you saying you like a dish she made, the next time you visit, she’ll make 10 pounds of that dish. It’s true. Once I said I like my mom’s lo bak go, 10 [years] ago. Now she makes at least 5 batches every time I visit.” Following her post, the comments from other Asians came pouring in. Instagram user @deeebee wrote “Our Asian parents & grandparents were never taught how to express their love vocally, but each “small gesture” they made for me never went unnoticed. Do I wish it’s easier for us to say, “I love you” & “I’m proud of you”? Yes, but I will always appreciate the things they’ve done for me throughout my life. It’s those memories that I will always cherish.”

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It’s not just with immediate family. Instagram user @tina_collins_ wrote “I once had to get appendix surgery in Beijing and my Chinese host mama was so concerned for me she made me sleep in the bed beside her. I woke up in the middle of the night to find her covering me with a blanket because she was worried I was cold and I faked sleeping, but my heart filled with so much warmth I still cry when I recall that memory. She’s the best.” It’s one of those cultural differences that take a bit of time to get used to.

Mixed families, how about we make a Chinese New Year resolution? Let’s meet each other halfway. Parents, start saying “I love you” and kids, take the time to appreciate the small acts of love from your parents. It’s not going to be easy. For those who didn’t grow up saying “I love you,” it can actually be difficult to get the words out the first few times. But like with everything, things get easier over time. And when it comes to connecting with kids who grew up with Western culture, we need to step forward and away from the old ways.

This Chinese New Year, when you’re seeing your Chinese relatives and in-laws, keep in mind the cultural difference and take time to appreciate all the little things they do that say “I love you”.

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Images: Instagram, Pexels

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