The Little Things I Wish I’d Known About Beijing Life

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Expat life is exciting. Being immersed in a new culture, making fascinating new friends from all over the world and the opportunity to travel (the pandemic can’t last forever!) is mind-expanding and wonderful for the entire family. But at times it’s also frustrating, exhausting, and scary to be in a new place where we don’t speak the language and have no support system. This is compounded by trying to keep day-to-day life as calm and orderly as possible for our littlest family members. It doesn’t help that all too often no one thinks to tell us about the little (and not so little) daily differences and we learn about them thru experiences that can be disruptive and disorienting. So below are a few things I wish someone had thought to tell me in the first month I moved here. Hope they help make the transition to Beijing life a little calmer for you and your kids!

All the apps!

This is simultaneously one of the most frustrating and convenient things about life in China. Frustrating because it takes forever to get everything set up. But once it’s all linked and functioning everything is a QR code scan away. Trust me, when you are trying to get the kids from one side of the city to another, transfer money for the playdate you signed them up for, and schedule the grocery delivery for dinner you will be really happy you did. So, find a local friend or long-time expat parent, and offer to buy dinner in exchange for an afternoon of their help getting your apps set up.

Rent and utilities are paid up front

Rent is usually paid in three-month blocks and you prepay your electricity. The AC shutting off in your toddler’s room in the middle of a Beijing summer is not fun so watch the meter because there is no warning. When you run out of money they just shut the power off. The good news? Those apps you set up on the local bank card you just got will make getting the account topped up and energy restored really easy.

Hire an Ayi

Even if you’re a small family, even if you cook for yourselves, even if you are perfectly capable of scrubbing your own toilet. For all of these reasons, I put off hiring a housekeeper. But when I finally broke down and did it was the best decision I could have made for my mental health. Just functioning day to day in a different culture takes a massive amount of mental and physical energy. Negotiating the language and cultural barriers at work, school, and the grocery store will leave you tired and sometimes cranky at the end of the day. Walking into a clean home where you can relax and regroup can make all the difference. And you relaxed and attentive is what your kids need to help them adjust.

The subways close early

I mean really early. I’m a New Yorker so I’m used to 24/7 subway service. Here some lines close as early as 10pm so if you are planning to stay out for date night make sure your phone is charged and DiDi is functioning.

They aren’t yelling at you

That’s just how Chinese sounds to foreigners. The tone is cultural, and to westerners, including kids, the delivery of Mandarin often sounds harsh or aggressive.

The reverse is true too. I have it from an unofficial poll of my Chinese friends that English sounds highly emotional to native Mandarin speakers. One very funny local woman at work told me the American teachers always sound like they are on the edge of a nervous breakdown to her. My point, this is one of those cultural diversions that you and the kids will start to get used to. In the meantime, assume everyone is being friendly (they usually are) and encourage the kids to practice the Mandarin they are learning at school with the people they meet in the elevator and at the store. Those small exchanges do a lot to build relationships and break down cultural barriers on both sides.

Say yes to all social events…at least at first

The people I know who have the hardest time adjusting choose to stay home a lot the first month or two. This is understandable, you are tired and unsure of your surroundings, and getting the kids around an unfamiliar city feels daunting. But IRL social engagement is how you will form a community and network. That is vital to your family’s happiness and success in Beijing. The good news is that the Beijing community is really warm and welcoming to new people. You will have lots of opportunities to meet and mingle. Say yes to book club, and cooking class, and playdates with your bosses’ wife’s hairdresser’s kids. You won’t continue to do everything, it’s an impossible social calendar to keep and certain events will naturally fall away. But you will find fast and committed friendships form at some of these events and those are the ones you continue to invest in.

It’s ok to still do Western stuff too

I threw myself into the deep end of the culture pool. In my first three weeks here, I camped on the Great Wall, learned to make dumplings, tried every Peking duck place anyone would recommend, had a grandfather at my school teach me dragon kite flying in the park, and was failing miserably at my Chinese classes.

Then one day I realized all I wanted was a cheeseburger, a dessert that was actually made with sugar, and a conversation held completely in English about a terrible Western sitcom. I felt guilty about it. Here I was in this amazing city, surrounded by new and exciting experiences and I wanted something I could get on any street corner in America. It took me a while to realize there’s a balance to expat life. Living in and appreciating a new culture doesn’t mean rejecting your own. Yes, Tuesdays I play mahjong and KTV is a staple Saturday night activity but pizza and Monopoly at home is acceptable and enjoyable too. You and your kids can have the best of all worlds!

Have a “wish I’d know” moment? Please share it in the comments.

Images: Pexels

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