Ask An Educator: Is My Kid Anti-Social?

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“I’m so frustrated! My child is active and creative, he loves to pretend but he refuses to sign up for or participate in any extracurricular activities. I know how important they are for his social and emotional development but I don’t want him to be miserable in group activities either. How hard should I push him on this?" – Frustrated Mama

There is a lot to unpack here. Let’s start with the worst-case but relatively rare scenario: If your little one is not social at all and has few friends or never wants to interact with others it could be the start of an issue. True anti-social behavior needs to be addressed. If you are noticing social anxiety or depression then contact a specialist, as therapy might be needed. However, as I said, this is rare.

It is far more likely he is just an introvert. That doesn’t mean your child doesn’t like other people, most introverts have a social circle and friends, they just don’t like large groups and have to "recharge" with alone time. If that’s the case then choosing smaller groups that are less overwhelming might help.

Next, skew towards their interests. Start the process by identifying things your child loves. You mentioned creative play, so theatre classes might be a good option. If he is active, then present a few different sports like football or swimming. Then let him choose one. Don’t give them an option to say no by asking “Do you want to do ____?” Instead, offer limited options and insist he picks something. Say “Lego camp, theatre, or swimming. Which of these do you choose?” With your child and others like him, I would not recommend pushing him to do more than one and applaud whatever choice he makes. Show sincere excitement and begin laying a positive foundation for when the activity begins.

There is another option. Is your child social in non-structured settings like a playground or birthday party? If he is getting social interaction and has friends but just doesn't vibe with the inherent structure of a class or team sport, it might not be a big deal (and frankly could save you some money). It could be a phase he will outgrow, or as he and his friends get older and start joining teams, he may feel motivated to join in the fun instead of being left out. If he is happy doing his own thing right now but still gets along with others, simply leave it be.

As always, just my opinion.

Images: Unsplash, Pexels

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