Intriguing Observations at a Chinese Dongbei Wedding

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I'm Chinese, but it still never ceases to amaze me how varied the customs and traditions of Chinese people can be. I thought I knew what to expect when my husband's employee invited our family to a provincial northern town to attend her wedding celebrations, but boy was I wrong!

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Picking up the bride

We call this "gatecrashing" in Singapore, and the practice sees the groomsmen arriving at the home of the bride to fetch her to the wedding ceremony. However, the bridesmaids stand in the way and must be appeased before they allow the bride to leave. Although it's usually just red packets filled with money that wins the bridesmaids over, I've seen some overzealous ones demand the groomsmen complete challenges like singing and dancing, or worse – eating entire chilies!

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Timing

When I saw that the wedding ceremony was at 10.58am I was perplexed, until a local told me that it was customary for northeastern Chinese (Dongbei) weddings to be over before noon. Unless it was a second wedding, in which case they would take place in the afternoon. I guess that means the third and subsequent weddings take place later and later in the day...? Also, in full traditional sexist glory, if two wedding ceremonies are required, then the one for the groom's side of the family takes precedence and happens before the one for the bride's side of the family.

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Attire

This was probably the most shocking observation for me. Most of the guests were dressed in jeans and T-shirts, and I don't just mean men! Women in sweat pants and sneakers walked by our table the whole time! I swear that only the bride and I wore dresses, while only the bride's father, my husband, and my son had formal jackets on. I guess being comfortable is the number one priority for Dongbei people?

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Red packets

It's all about the money, money, money ... How much is considered the appropriate amount to give? And when? Apparently, amounts that end in even numbers are considered much more lucky than amounts that end in odd numbers, the only exception being "9" in the context of it sounding like "long" as in "live long and prosper." The minimum red packet amount for a wedding is approximately RMB 500, and red packet amounts can go up to RMB 3,000 depending on your relationship with the bride or groom, location of the wedding, and other considerations. As for the "when," there is usually a dedicated red packet collection table right at the entrance, guarded by a bored second cousin or aunt, where you can drop off the red packet anonymously. But for a more personal touch, you can wait until the bride and groom go around the tables to greet the guests to personally hand the red packet to them.

Have you ever attended a Chinese wedding? Share your experience with us in the comments below!

Images: Unsplash

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