Confessions of an Amateur Tiger (Parent) Wrangler

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Hello, I'm an amateur tiger parent wrangler. Now, before we start, I know this article is going to rub some people the wrong way. But before you keyboard warriors take to arms and unload your rage, ask yourself whether you're upset because this issue is hitting a bit too close to home...

I'm no expert in parenting, nor am I an education expert. But what I am is someone who's worked in a professional environment for decades where I've been dealing with tiger moms and dads, especially when it comes to finding an internship for their child.

Here are just a few of the requests I've received over the years.

01

Tiger Mom: "My kid Sally Mae is extremely smart and driven. You should let her work for you."
Me: "Ok. Have her apply by herself and I'll take a look."
Tiger Mom: "I'm applying on her behalf."
Me: "Please have her do it herself if she's interested."
Tiger Mom: "Fine."

Never heard from the kid...

02

Tiger Dad: "I've told my daughter Jane Doe she can work for you. She needs something to do over the holiday."

Me: *confused* "But I didn't accept her, nor do I know anything about her."
Tiger Dad: "She's very bright."
Me: "I'm sure she is, but you don't work for my company. You can't assign people to work here. If she wants to apply, have her contact me herself, please."

03

Tiger Mom: "My daughter is the world's youngest illustrator. Maybe she can do some work for you."
Me: *very intrigued* "Wow! Can you show me her work?"
Tiger Mom: *sends me a self-laminated book of colored scribbles.*

04

Tiger Mom: "I've asked my daughter to apply to work for you. Can you guarantee her a spot?"
Me: "If she's qualified she'll get a spot. I can't guarantee one right now without any information on her."
Tiger Mom: *sends me her daughter's CV* "Here's her CV."
Me: "Thank you, but she still needs to apply herself."
Tiger Mom: "I want to make sure she gets accepted before I tell her to apply."

I was raised by a tiger mom too. I get why some parents feel the urge to do everything in their power to help further along their child's career. You want to give them every opportunity you can get your hands on and protect them from disappointment. But from the perspective of the employer on the other end, these tiger parents aren't helping at all.

One of the first things that I tell every tiger parent who applies for a job on their kid's behalf is that if their child is interested, have them do it themselves.

Putting aside jobs that are obtained through nepotism, when you're an adult your parents aren't going to apply for jobs for you. Can you imagine a 60-year-old walking into an HR office, slapping down a copy of their son's CV and saying, "My kid's smart, give him a job here"? It just doesn't work that way in the real world nor should it just because they're teens.

Employers want young adults who are self-driven, not those who are pushed to do it by their parents or worse: hiring an teenager and also having to report back to their overbearing parent.

If your teen thinks they're mature enough to venture outside of their school environment and into the real working world, and you think it's a good learning opportunity for them, let them do it on their own. Let them feel that sense of achievement when they get an offer letter inviting them to join a company because they've earned it themselves. Let them feel that sadness of rejection and learn to grow from it. Don't deprive them of this valuable life lesson. 

From the employer's perspective, this isn't school. You're not invited to participate in their work life and most importantly, my job isn't just teaching your kid real-life work skills, I've also got other duties to attend to. Managing the demands of a tiger parent just isn't one of them.

But there are plenty of tiger parents who have pushed their way in for various reasons. What do you think happens after that? Great, you've gotten your kid through the doors of our company. They've still got to do the work themselves.

From experience, most kids who were pushed to do internships by their parents aren't as enthusiastic as those who chose to pursue it themselves. It reflects in their work ethic and, as a result, sets a less than stellar impression of themselves on their employer. Showing up late, lingering around just so they can tell their parents they were there, and using the internship as an opportunity to taste the little bit of freedom they can get are just a few of the things I've seen over the years from kids who were pushed to do something they weren't interested in. The kids don't want to be here, and truth be told, I don't want them here wasting my time and taking up a spot that could have been given to someone who really wanted it.

So, no offense to the tiger parents out there but I hope you take the time to reflect on what it's like for someone on the receiving end of your requests. While I know you have your child's best interests in mind, your authority to dictate what happens doesn't apply at my workplace. They're on their own – as they should be.

I applaud you in your drive to help your child in every way possible, I truly do. But you can't do things for them for the rest of their lives. Consider what life lessons you're teaching your child whether your actions are helping them or hindering them from achieving their goals.

What are your thoughts on parents meddling with their kids' work experience? Are they helping or hurting their kids' chances? Let us know in the comment section below.

Images: Pexels

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