Bringing Up Baby Far From Home

Advertisement

Going through a pregnancy is stressful under the best circumstances. Going through it as an expat in China, during a pandemic no less, can feel impossible. But many couples do, and make it look easy. I reached out to two local women who are navigating their pregnancies as expats, and they shared their experiences with candor and positivity.

Annie Markway and her husband are from the US and have been in China since 2019. 

Educator Rebekah Lorraine has been in China since 2016 and she and her husband welcomed their first child on Nov 11 of 2021.

When asked about their biggest fears and concerns during pregnancy in a foreign land, both women talked about language barriers and missing family support. “It was hard to not have my family to support me and it was also difficult not understanding the language when the doctors were trying to communicate medical information to me,” says Lorraine. “My mother is a nurse, and it would have been helpful to have her with me to help me make medical decisions. It’s also sad that my family has not been able to meet [our daughter].” 

Markway seconded the family concerns for both her and her spouse, explaining, “The biggest challenge about being away from family during this process is that this child will be the first grandchild for both families. I fear I am robbing my mom and other family members of the experiences that accompany becoming a grandparent, aunt, and uncle…[My husband] grew up in a family with four kids and with a lot of extended family nearby. Not having that support and guidance on hand creates a level of anxiety that would probably be less if we were at home.”

Overcoming the lack of immediate family support is no small feat, especially when it comes to actually caring for a newborn. 

Lorraine and her spouse made the decision to not hire an ayi and instead have Lorraine’s husband act as a primary caretaker. “It’s good because my husband has gotten to spend a lot of time with her. In my opinion, raising children is not just a woman’s job, and I want to set that kind of example for our daughter to see. So, I think one good thing from our current situation is how much time my husband has been spending with our daughter.”

The Markways have not decided if they will get an ayi yet but they do have some creative plans for ensuring the family back home gets as much face time as possible with the new addition. 

“To overcome the distance, we will be gifting our parents iPads for Christmas so that they have an even bigger screen to video chat with the family’s newest member. Additionally, we are considering using a baby monitor with wifi access so the family can log in and see the baby while (hopefully) sleeping. I’ll be honest, though, this is a little bit of a selfish tactic as I am anticipating family will want to video with the baby often, and I know that at least in the beginning we will be a little too sleep-deprived to answer every call!”

When it comes to resources, both women say an enthusiastic thank you to WeChat. The groups Having a baby in China and Bumps2babes both got a special mention. But it’s the community itself that seems to have had the biggest impact. 

Markway talks eloquently about the people who have helped her on her journey. “We have been blessed to have friends who gave birth to their beautiful son here in China over two years ago. From sharing their experience to gifting us baby and maternity items (thank you Target jeans), the wisdom they have imparted to us is immeasurable. 

Additionally, they have connected us to a variety of WeChat groups. It takes getting added to just one group for a snowball effect to take place. The kindness of all group members to connect you with other groups is amazing.”

Despite all the support, there have been plenty of surprises, both welcome and difficult, in the process. As Lorraine puts it, “In the US, they will usually let the husband in the room (for a C-section) but over here, they did not and I was told at the hospital that I needed a Chinese ID to register on this app to see someone about (postpartum) depression. However, if we had been in the US, our medical bills would have been much more expensive, so there’s pros and cons to both situations.”

Markway was surprised by the way living in Beijing has helped her shift away from defining herself through her job and she believes learning to adapt and be more flexible will make her a better parent in the long run. “Over time, being a trailing spouse has allowed me to appreciate myself just for me, and with that, some of my Type A, anxious tendencies have subsided. I have embraced domestic travel, tried new hobbies, and cultivated friendships all while developing a more laid-back personality. I think this new foundation will help me in parenthood to remember to prioritize myself and to not sweat the small stuff. Probably easier said than done, but I’m trusting my awesome Beijing community will help me along the way!”

And that community is the thing that is helping so many families with small children here in Beijing. Markway said it best: “Just as our US-based family will be longing to meet our baby in person, many expats in our Beijing community have also had to put meeting their grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and other new family members on hold due to the pandemic. With that in mind, I think our baby will always have loving arms in which to be held, and that gives us great comfort in staying in Beijing during this big life event.”

Images: Unsplash

Have You Seen Our Video Channel Yet?

Daily Poll

Do you buy gifts for yourself?

KEEP READING

Advertisement