自杀，已经背弃了这个躯体
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安妮·赛克斯顿在家朗读《想要去死》
| 想要去死 |
安妮·赛克斯顿
既然你问到，绝大多数日子我不记得。
我在自己的服装里行走，上面没有留下那次航程的污迹。
于是，那个难以命名的欲望突然归来。
即使那个时候，我没有任何想法反对生命。
我十分清楚你所提及的草的刀刃，
阳光下，你摆满了家具。
但自杀者有一种特殊的语言。
就像木匠，他们想要知道用哪些工具。
他们从不询问为何打造。
两次，我都这样直接地表明了自己，
俘获了敌人，吞食了敌人，
运用了他的手艺，他的魔法。
就这样，沉甸甸，深思熟虑，
比油或水更为温热，
我，休息完毕，口水，从嘴上的眼儿流出。
刺绣的钢针下，我并没有想到我的肉身。
就连角膜和残存的尿都没留下。
自杀，已经背弃了这个躯体。
死产儿，他们并不是都已死亡，
而是被感觉所迷惑，他们忘不了药是那样的甜
以致孩子们都会围观，带着笑脸。
把那所有的生命都塞到你的喉舌下！--
这个，没有谁帮助，就化成了一种激情。
死亡，是一位悲伤的骨头；遍体鳞伤，你会说，
可是她会等我，年复一年，
如此小心翼翼除去旧伤，
从我的恶劣的监牢里，把我的呼吸抽干。
保持好平衡，自杀者有时聚会，
发怒，面对那颗果实，一个充气月亮，
抛下面包，因错把它当作了亲吻，
抛下那本书，让它随便翻到哪一页，
像某件事情，无人说出，抛下电话，让它吊在空中，
抛下爱情，无论它从前是何物，如今是感染的病症。
金重 译
Anne SextonSince you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
Even then I have nothing against life.
I know well the grass blades you mention,
the furniture you have placed under the sun.
But suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build.
Twice I have so simply declared myself,
have possessed the enemy, eaten the enemy,
have taken on his craft, his magic.
In this way, heavy and thoughtful,
warmer than oil or water,
I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.
I did not think of my body at needle point.
Even the cornea and the leftover urine were gone.
Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still-born, they don’t always die,
but dazzled, they can’t forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile.
To thrust all that life under your tongue!—
that, all by itself, becomes a passion.
Death’s a sad bone; bruised, you’d say,
and yet she waits for me, year after year,
to so delicately undo an old wound,
to empty my breath from its bad prison.
Balanced there, suicides sometimes meet,
raging at the fruit a pumped-up moon,
leaving the bread they mistook for a kiss,
leaving the page of the book carelessly open,
something unsaid, the phone off the hook
and the love whatever it was, an infection.
安妮·塞克斯顿（Anne Sexton 1928--1974），美国著名女诗人。1967年因诗集《生或死》获得普利策奖。她是现代妇女解放运动的先驱之一， 美国著名自白派诗人。生前曾患有精神病，诗歌创作于她是一种治疗和复活。她的诗作敏锐、坦诚、有力，充满着不可思议的视野和意象。1974年自杀身亡。
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