No Judgement | One Model One Story

Name: Adia Hsu

Country of Origin: China

Occupation: Medical Student

No judgment

I dreamt my sister, the one I love the most, tried to kill me. That one night, I was in the room alone, in the middle of July, and we were supposed to turn off the lights for one hour to save electricity. I ran to hide in the corner of the room. I was only in high school then.

There was a time I would cry every night before I went to sleep. I could not control my emotions, and suddenly felt helpless and hopeless. I would cry nonstop and did not even know why. I could not pinpoint the reason. I was so stressed during high school – we all were.

I had a big problem with insomnia since I was 13, and went to the consultant in my high school, but it did not help much. Sometimes, I do not know if it was clinical depression or just stress.

My parents did not know anything about this. I did not know how to tell them. I was always a good girl and a good student in front of them. I wanted to show them my good side and not have them worry about me.

I would tell one of my friends, but even then, I did not feel she could understand me. And I am worried I will become a burden to her. I also do not want them to worry.

As a Type A person, I get stressed easily, and nothing is ever good enough.

If I have something important to do the next day, then the night before I get super anxious. Then it will affect my performance. These days I have learnt to resort to medicine to help me sleep as a preventative measure.

I try also to do sports to help me relax. I try very hard, find ways to help myself.

But sometimes I am still lost, and I do not always know how to help others. I went to Hong Kong for a month for one of my high school roommates was living there at that time, and she was suffering from depression. She wanted to kill herself. I was worried, but I did not know what else I could do. I just stayed with her, and told her she is still beautiful. I am there for her, whatever happens.

Sometimes, that’s all I need too, to know that my family and friends will be there, whatever happens. With no judgment.

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Once again, we are bringing you another heart-touching story and a photo as part of the “One Model One Story” series on bipolar disorder. By sharing the brave experiences of our community, we will help the people affected by mental health issues become more open about their own feelings and improve the understanding of these, in reality widespread, problems among the society.

The fundraiser continues for the photo-album, which will be the most important result of the Moodlab Project. This book will feature all the photos and stories of the models, in addition to key facts about the bipolar disorder. We appreciate any amount of money given. You can donate by clicking on "read more".

Our partner from Bearapy (Founder: Enoch Li) is the magic behind the “One Model One Story” series. She conducted interviews with the models and created a heart-touching narrative from their words and experiences. You can follow Bearapy by scanning the QR code below.

CandleX’s Resources

Read CandleX psychoeducation articles to learn essential knowledge on depression

CandleX Classroom

https://www.candlex.cn/classroom

Depression stories from our community members

CandleX Column | My Story with Depression

https://www.candlex.cn/my-story-with-depression

A CandleX production on Depression

Bipolar Disorder Campaign

MoodLabBook #B

Support Group

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