扣扣熊归来 | 开涮特朗普

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert take on Donald Trump on 'The Late Show'

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A couple of months after he left "The Late Show" in May 2015, David Letterman appeared onstage in San Antonio as the guest of Steve Martin and Martin Short in their “A Very Stupid Conversation …With Music.”

大卫·莱特曼于2015年5月离开《深夜秀》，几个月后在圣安东尼奥作为Steve Martin和Martin Short的嘉宾在《与音乐愚蠢至极的谈话》中亮相。

“I retired and I had no regrets,” he said. “None. I was happy. I was complacent. I was satisfied. I was content. And then a couple of days ago, Donald Trump said he was running for president. I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ladies and gentlemen.”

他说：“我退休了，我不后悔，一点都不。我很开心，很得意，很满足，很满意。可几天前，特朗普说他要竞选总统，我真是做了人生最大的错事，女士们、先生们。”

Retiring from “The Daily Show” that August, Jon Stewart was asked more than once whether there wasn’t some element of regret in leaving the stage at the moment this Moby Dick of comedy subjects was bearing into view. The assumption was there could be no greater joy for a comedian than to skewer such a tempting, juicy subject.

当年8月从《每日秀》退休，囧司徒不止一次被问及值此喜剧话题中的庞然大物映入眼帘之际，他是否对退出有些许后悔。暗示了对喜剧演员而言，没有什么事比刺弄这么一个美味诱人的话题更令人感到快乐了。

This May, on his podcast “The Axe Files,” former Obama advisor David Axelrod asked Stewart, “Do you wake up ever and say to yourself that this was some kind of big celestial joke on you that you announce your retirement from ‘The Daily Show,’ and I see when you did, you said it didn’t appear that there was going to be anything wildly different about this election year.... How’s that working for you now?”

今年五月，奥巴马前顾问David Axelrod在博客《The Axe Files》上问囧司徒：“你会醒着的时候和自己说，你宣布退出《每日秀》难道不是个宇宙大玩笑吗，我看你退出时，你说今年的大选看起来和往年没有什么大不同……现在又该怎么说？”

With Stephen Colbert, who moved into Letterman’s seat in September, there was the question of whether in leaving “The Colbert Report,” and his conservative-pundit ironic alter ego, he also was somehow abandoning his audience, shirking his duty to topical humor at a crucial moment in history.

至于扣扣熊，他九月份接替莱特曼《深夜秀》的位置，也有人问他离开《扣扣熊播报》、离开保守派、学究气的另一个自我，是否在某种程度上抛弃了他的观众，在历史至关重要的时刻推卸了制造话题幽默的职责。

“One of the reasons I stopped the old show is that I had a sense where the country is,” Colbert said on “Face the Nation.” “I think people don’t really want constant divisiveness. I really don’t think they want that. And that’s what I was aping. And I thought, ‘Ah, I can’t really drink that cup anymore.’ ’Cause I don’t think people really want to hear it.”

扣扣熊在《面向全国》中说：“我不做旧节目的原因之一在于我有点明白这个国家所处的位置了，我想人们并不真的想要分裂。我真的认为他们不想要。我以前就模仿那些，我想，‘啊，我不再想喝那杯茶了，因为我觉得人们不想听。’”

And yet here we are on the verge of Donald Trump being named the Republican Party’s official candidate for the office of president of the United States. And not only is Colbert broadcasting live every night of the convention — here called the “2016 Trumpublican Donational Conventrump Starring Donald Trump as the Republican Party” — in order to comment on the day’s proceedings and “to be the very first one to announce THE MOMENT America becomes great again,” but he corralled his old alter ego, and Stewart, his old “Daily Show” boss, to help him do it.

可如今我们正处在特朗普就要被提名为共和党总统候选人的边缘。扣扣熊不仅直播每晚的竞选大会——扣扣熊称之为“2016特朗普代表共和党领衔出演的特和党-唐纳国-朗普大会”，他还对当日议程发表评论，要“第一个宣布美国再次变得伟大这一时刻”，可他既然封锁了另一个自我，只好让他在《每日秀》的前老板囧司徒帮他一把。

There is a fine line between the ridiculous and the horrifying, and we need comics to walk it, for the sake of our own mental health. 

荒唐和恐怖一线之隔，我们需要喜剧来维持平衡，保护自己的精神健康。

For some portion of the country — the portion that delights in hearing Trump described as “an Angry creamsicle,” “human-toupee hybrid,” “decomposing jack-o-lantern” or an “orange manatee,” as he was Monday night — Monday’s “Late Show” would have served as a tonic after a convention night arranged around the theme “Make America Safe Again.” 

对这个国家的某部分人而言——那些喜欢在周一晚上把特朗普形容为“愤怒的奶昔”、“人和假发套的变种”、“腐烂的南瓜灯”或“橙色海牛”的人——周一的《深夜秀》算得上在以“让美国更安全”为主题的竞选晚会后成为一剂强身药。

Save for Melania Trump’s appearance, it was a program long — very long — on anger, grief, fear and aggression; another portion of the country, finding the convention quite different, and quite to their liking — and Colbert, not — won’t have watched at all.

除非特朗普的老婆亮相，这一节目充满了愤怒、悲伤、恐惧和攻击；可这个国家的另一部分人，他们觉得竞选大会不同寻常，也很对他们胃口，但扣扣熊不是这一类，他压根就不看。

Colbert began with a razzmatazz opening production, which included scenes shot in Cleveland before coming home to New York’s Ed Sullivan Theater. It might have been titled “Christmas in July” (it mixed patriotic themes with Santa hats), and included a couplet about RNC Chairman Reince Priebus huffing paint to ease the pain. A Trump-themed monologue, more whimsical than pointed, followed.

扣扣熊用了喧闹的开场白，其中还有他回到纽约萨利文剧院前在克利夫兰拍摄的镜头。节目该叫《七月的圣诞节》，杂有戴着圣诞帽的爱国主题，还有共和党全国委员会主席Reince Priebus的一句对联，说他通过吸颜料来止痛，然后是以特朗普为主题的独白，搞怪却不尖锐。

Then to the teased and bruited main business. Flummoxed beyond comprehension by the impending Trump nomination, Colbert set off to find Stewart, living in a cabin in the woods — a nice piece of prop-department handicraft. "I know that you and your beard are very busy these days," said Colbert, asking for his help; Stewart demurred.

接下来就是主业了：开涮和中伤。对特朗普要获得提名，扣扣熊一头雾水，于是启程去寻找囧司徒，囧司徒住在树林里的小屋中，这是道具部门出色的手工作品。“我知道你和你的胡子最近很忙。”扣扣熊来寻求帮助，但囧司徒提出抗议。

An elaborate buildup led to the news that Trump would be the candidate, followed by a spit take, followed by Stewart's fetching the "Colbert Report" Colbert.

一段精致的铺垫引入特朗普要成为候选人的新闻，囧司徒惊喷了，然后他就搞出了《扣扣熊报告》里的那个扣扣熊。

"Hello, friend," pundit Colbert told his unaltered ego. "I'm sorry I can't help you. Jon and I are very happy living off the grid, making jerky and canning our own urine for the end times." 

“你好，朋友。”博学的扣扣熊对真实的自己说：“我很抱歉帮不了你，囧和我很喜欢玩失踪，打飞机，最后自己接尿。”

But informed that Trump was the nominee (spit take number two), "Colbert Report" Stephen took the "Late Show" stage, arriving in a chariot pulled by shirtless Uncle Sams in flag-striped boxers, while women in Greek gowns strewed rose petals in his way.

可得知特朗普成为总统提名人（第二次喷了），“扣扣熊报告”中的扣扣熊坐着二轮马车来到《深夜秀》舞台，上身赤裸穿着星条旗平角裤的人拉着车，穿古希腊长裙的女人们一路抛洒玫瑰花瓣。

"Hello nation," he began. "Did you miss me?" By the sound of the response, yes. To address "the brave new world of American democrace-me," he brought out the old "Colbert Report" feature "The Word," whose theme was "Trumpiness."

“你好，祖国！”他如是开场。“你们想我吗？”观众回答说“是”。为了应对“美国民主死你的美丽新世界”，他把《扣扣熊报告》中的“造词”搬了出来，这次的主题是“特朗普性”。

Playing both sides of the question to an unambiguous end, as was that character's special power, he declared the Trump candidacy "an emotional megaphone for voters full of rage at government that achieves nothing," adding, "if you don't share their feeling that you don't recognize your country anymore, trust me, if Trump wins, you will."

要把这个问题正反两面都说透彻——这正是那个人物的特殊能力——他宣布特朗普获得提名是“选民对政府无所作为充满愤怒的情感扩张”，可他还说，“如果你不认为自己不认识你的国家，相信我，如果特朗普赢了，你就真不认识了。”

Although it was fine to see "Colbert Report" Stephen back again — one assumes we have not seen the last of him this week, nor, Colbert teased, of Stewart — even better was a tour of the convention hall Colbert conducted in person as the blue-wigged, stuffed-weasel-carrying "Hungry For Power Games" character, Caesar Flickerman. Flickerman is also a character in “The Hunger Games.”

尽管《扣扣熊报告》中的扣扣熊回来了，这很好——有人推测本周不是我们最后一次看到他，也不是最后一次看到囧司徒，正如扣扣熊调侃的那样——可更棒的是扣扣熊亲自来到会议厅，扮演“权力饥饿游戏”中那个戴蓝色发套、手擒一只鼬鼠的主持人凯撒-富莱克曼，富莱克曼也是《饥饿游戏》中的人物。

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=v0314ypr4qx&width=500&height=375&auto=0
"Welcome to the arena, citizens," he said, "so grand it could almost hold Donald Trump's entire head…. The red carpet of course is here to hide the rivers of blood that will eventually flow down from the cornucopia."

“欢迎来到舞台，公民们。舞台真大，几乎能放得下特朗普的整个脑袋……当然，这里的红毯是为了掩饰最终会从羊角流下来的血河。”

He pointed out the seat being held "for Chris Christie to have the best possible view of the end of his career," joked with a Telemundo reporter about walls and shouted to up to the NBC press booth, "Chuck Todd! Have Matt Lauer washed and brought to my tent! My weasel wants to make love to your goatee!"

他指着那把为新泽西州长克里斯.克里斯蒂准备的椅子，说这能让他“更好地观看自己政治生涯的完结”。他还和特来蒙多电视台记者开关于在美墨边境修长城的玩笑，并向NBC的记者间喊话：“查克·托德，把《今日秀》的主持人马特-劳厄尔洗干净，把他带到我的帐篷里来，我的鼬鼠想和你的山羊胡子做爱。”

Finally, he was escorted from the podium — cellphone footage of this had made its way onto the Internet the day before — saying, "I know I'm not supposed to be up here, but let's be honest, neither is Donald Trump."

最后，他被护送下台——这一桥段的手机文本一天前就被泄露到网上了——他说：“我知道我再也上不去了，可说实话，特朗普也上不去。”