Being mothers at Tsinghua: Love and resilience

Editor's Note

“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.” 

—Cardinal Mermillod

Today marks Mother’s Day. 

It is a special time of a year, when you get to celebrate the greatest superhero in your life.

What does it mean to be a mother while still teaching or learning on campus? 

Let’s see the stories of three mothers at Tsinghua and learn about their sacrifice, love, and power as academic mothers.

Wei

 Mom of Two-year-old as well as a Professor 

Life was not so easy for Wei when she decided to have her baby as an assistant professor at Tsinghua University. Like other young scholars in Tsinghua, Wei has to become an associate professor with tenure within six years, or else she would have to leave. Although she could obtain a one-year extension for teaching, research, and administration due to her pregnancy, it was still urgent.

In front of students in classes, she was always energetic and patient. But after the classes, she would find herself too exhausted to do anything. She had to stay in the office lying down for half an hour and then could she get herself something to eat.

“I had so many things to do during that time: writing papers, designing curriculum plans, teaching, and counseling for classes… there was literally no time to think about the painful waist, swelling legs, or depressive mood that was caused by the pregnancy,” Wei recalled. 

The childbirth didn’t bring Wei’s stressful journey to an end. On the contrary, it was just a start.

The time she could take a breath after the birth of the baby was valuable, leaving her a little time to plunge into her research. In the third week of “sitting the month” – a Chinese tradition for mothers after childbirth to rest and recover, Wei began staying late to continue on her project and write her thesis.

She remembered there was a time when she and her husband took care of the baby in turn, which means: she would stay up to 2 a.m. writing her papers while her husband slept with their baby, and then she took on the task of caring so that her husband could get up and write his papers.

“Lack of mother’s care and companionship would cause unease and insecurity to the baby,” said Wei. “The woman's role in parenting, both psychological and physical, cannot be replaced.”

With the hard work of her and her husband for two years, Wei considered she has passed the most challenging period of an academic mother. “I hope society can give more understanding to mothers.”

Ginny

Mom of a one-year-old as well as a Postdoc 

Ginny is a postdoc at Tsinghua University and a mother of a one-year-old girl. She had stayed in Switzerland for four years and married her husband after their ten-year-long courtship as soon as she came back to China.

“I like scientific studies and had always aspired for Tsinghua,” said Ginny. “And I decided to be a postdoc first at Tsinghua.”

However, the coming of the baby was unexpected for her. She was pretty flustered as an unprepared mother. “I was not sure whether I was qualified and competent enough to take on the responsibility for another life, because I think I am still not mature,” said Ginny.

She needed to do the prenatal check-ups all alone during her pregnancy as her husband was quite busy. At the same time, she tried to keep up with the pace of her academic partner.

“The biggest difference between mothers in the academic field and other occupations is the flexibility of time. But it also means even when you are in pregnancy absence, the inner stress still forces you to work,” said Ginny.

Facing pressure both academically and physically, Ginny had a hard time improving her mood. It was not until her mother-in-law came to help to look after the baby that she had time to take a breath. Also, her husband’s companionship, and support from her family, helped during that difficult time.

Her life still changed hugely after her little daughter was born. Nevertheless, Ginny takes the experience as the most precious one in her life. “Every night she falls asleep, I would watch videos of her on my phone again and again. It is the most enjoyable thing,” Ginny said.

“I love my baby and my family, therefore I would like to spend time with them. However, at the same time, I still want to be independent and have my own life,” said Ginny. “I hope that all academic moms can be satisfied with both the academy and the family.”

Lily

Mom of a Two-year-old  as well as a Ph.D. 

Lily decided to have a baby after she married her husband, who she met in her first doctoral year at Tsinghua. This energetic mother spent most of her pregnancy period in her rented flat due to the pandemic, being a teaching assistant online.

“I was busy learning how to use the online class applications like Rainclassroom meeting or webinar application, and solving the problems during the classes,” Lily said. “The teacher was totally surprised when I asked for leave because I needed to go to the hospital and give birth.”

“I was happy that I could still do something during that time,” she added.

But for Lily, the real challenges came after the birth of her little girl.

Being a new mom, Lily couldn’t be more cautious about taking care of her baby in the beginning. She was always worrying about why the baby was crying and if she was cold or hungry.

“I was so anxious. Anything bad I thought might happen to my baby, I would take a taxi to the hospital immediately. However, the doctors would comfort me and advise me not to worry that much,” Lily said.

In addition to baby care, Lily found she was more easily swayed by her moods. She explained, “After my baby was born, there was always someone reminding me that I am a mother now, which made me really upset. It feels like I am no longer myself just because I have a baby.” But she would also take the experience as part of the process of growing up and part of life. “All we can do is to understand, care, and help ourselves,” she added.

In 2021, when Lily and her husband determined to graduate as soon as possible, they decided to send their baby to Lily’s hometown to stay with her grandmother. “I cried many times when being apart from her. But there was no better choice,” Lily said.

After that, the couple spent their time in the laboratory day and night for several months and finally finished their dissertations this year. Now Lily is planning to find a job in her hometown, and at the same time, look after her daughter herself.

“I never take it for granted that my parents should look after the child for me,” Lily said. “As for Mother’s Day, I would like to say ‘thank you’ to my mother for bringing me up, and now helping me take care of my daughter.”

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TsinghuaRen｜Being mothers at Tsinghua: Love and resilience

Writers: Liu Ying, Li Jingyi

Editors: Liu Shutian, John Olbrich

Designers: Bella Lim, Penny Tan