TED：真诚赞美，才是最高级的情商（附视频&演讲稿）
Dale Carnegie 在他最著名的沟通学著作“ How to Win Friends & Influence People ” （《人性的弱点》）一书中将“真诚地表达赞美”称为与人相处的大秘密（the big secret of dealing with people)。 因为“人人需要赞美”，而真诚的表达赞美将成为与人沟通的桥梁，是建立深厚情谊的重要一步。
你最近一次真诚地赞美别人，是在什么时候？其实真诚地说出你的“感谢”，它可以带来意想不到的力量。在短短三分钟的TED演讲中，演讲者罗拉．特莱斯博士探讨了「谢谢」这两个字的力量。它们可以增进友情，修补人际关系，让另一个人知道他对你有多麽重要。试试说「谢谢」吧！
https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=v05241vwcg8&width=500&height=375&auto=0
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
嗨。我在这里要和大家谈谈 向别人表达赞美，钦佩和谢意的重要性。 并使它们听来真诚，具体。
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
之所以我对此感兴趣，是因为我从我自己的成长中注意到，几年前， 当我想要对某个人说声谢谢时， 当我想要赞美他们时， 当我想接受他们对我的赞扬， 但我却没有说出口。 我问我自己，这是为什么？ 我感到害羞，我感到尴尬。 接着我产生了一个问题：难道我是唯一一个这么做的人吗？ 所以我决定做些探究。
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
我非常幸运的在一家康复中心工作， 所以我可以看到那些因为上瘾而面临生与死的人。 有时候这一切可以非常简单地归结为， 他们最核心的创伤来自于他们父亲到死都未说过“他为他们而自豪”。 但他们从所有其它家庭或朋友那里得知他的父亲告诉其他人为他感到自豪， 但这个父亲从没告诉过他儿子。 因为他不知道他的儿子需要听到这一切。
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask.
因此我的问题是，为什么我们不索求我们需要的东西呢？ 我认识一个结婚25年的男士 渴望听到他妻子说，“感谢你为这个家在外赚钱，这样我才能在家陪伴着孩子，” 但他从来不去问。
I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that.
我认识一个精于此道的女士。 每周一次，她见到丈夫后会说， “我真的希望你为我对这个家和孩子们付出的努力而感谢我。” 他会应合道“哦，真是太棒了，真是太棒了。” 赞美别人必须要真诚， 但真诚的却是她。
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
我有一个朋友April，我们从幼儿园开始就是朋友了。 她会感谢她的孩子们做了家务。 她说：“为什么我不表示感谢呢，即使他们本来就该做那些事情？”
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
因此我的疑惑是，为什么我不说呢？ 为什么其它人不说呢？ 为什么我能说：“我的牛排要三分熟，我需要6码的鞋子，” 但我却不能说：“你可以表扬我吗？” 因为这会让你知道我的重要信息与，会让你知道我内心的不安，会让你认为我需要你的帮助。 虽然你是我最贴心的人， 我却把你当作是敌人。 你会用我托付给你的重要信息做些什么呢？ 你可以忽视，你也可以滥用。 或者你可以满足我的需求。
And I took my bike into the bike store— I love this — same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
我把我的自行车拿到车行－－我喜欢这么做－－ 同一辆自行车，他们会对车轮做整形。 那里的人说：“当你对车轮做整形时， 它会使自行车变成更好。” 我把这辆自行车拿回来， 他们把有小小弯曲的铁丝从轮子上拿走 这辆车我用了2年半，现在还像新的一样。
So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife — go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband — what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
所以我要问在场的所有人， 我希望你们把你们的车轮整形一下： 真诚面对你们想听到的赞美。 你们想听到什么呢？ 回家问问你们的妻子，她想听到什么？ 回家问问你们的丈夫，他想听到什么？ 回家问问这些问题，并帮助身边的人实现它们。
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
这非常简单。 为什么我们要关心这个呢？ 我们谈论世界和平。 我们怎么用不同的文化，不同的语言来保持世界和平？ 我想，要从每个小家庭开始。 所以让我们在家里“保持和平”。
And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas. Thank you.
我想要感谢所有在这里的人们，因为你们是好丈夫，好母亲， 好伙伴，好女儿和好儿子。 或许有些人从没跟你们说过，但你们已经做得非常非常得出色了。 感谢你们来到这里， 向世界显示着你们的智慧，并用它们改变着世界。感谢你们！
恰当地表达感谢
是基本的礼仪礼貌
这是为了让我们知道
世界上没有理所当然
不懂感恩的人
运气一般不会太好
1.thank (v.)
用法为 thank someone for something。人可以省略，不过要注意，若 thank 后面要加「事情」，中间的 for 不可省略喔！
(O) Thank you, sir. 谢谢你，先生。
(O) Thank you for your help. 谢谢你的帮忙。
(X) Thank your help. 谢谢你的帮忙。
(O) Thanks for your help. 谢谢你的帮忙。
2.thankful (adj.)
用法为 be thankful for something 或直接加 that 子句。
I am thankful for what you have done for me.
我很感谢妳为我做的一切。
I’m thankful that I’ve got a job.
我很庆幸自己有份工作。
3.appreciate (v.)
常见用法有三种，第一种为 appreciate + 名词。要注意的重点为这个名词必须为事情，不能是人。简单来说，人不能当 appreciate 的受词喔！千万别用错啦！
I appreciate the pay raise.
我对加薪抱持着感激之情。
The boss appreciates Duncan’s effort.
老板很感谢 Duncan 的付出。
第二种为后面接动名词的用法，appreciate + V-ing。
I appreciate having this opportunity to display my talent.
我很感谢有这个能展现自己才能的机会。
第三种为后面直接加 that 子句。
I appreciate that you made the effort to come.
我对你能拨冗前来感到很感激。
要注意！当 appreciate 直接加 that 子句，且 appreciate 后面接 if 或 when 引导的子句时，要先加 it。
I would appreciate it if you could let me know whether you will attend the meeting in advance.
如果你能提前告知我你是否会出席这场会议，我将会十分感激。
＊补充＊appreciate 除了当感谢、感激之外，还有其他意思喔！
欣赏、赏识
I really appreciate his complete focus on his work.
我很欣赏他对工作的专注力。
There’s no point buying Paul expensive watches. He doesn’t appreciate them.
我不懂你干嘛花大钱买表送给 Paul，他根本不懂得欣赏这些表。
增值
The house will continue to appreciate.
这栋房子将持续增值。
4.grateful (adj.)
常见用法有三种，第一种为 be grateful (to someone) for something。
I’m grateful to my manager for talking me up in front of the boss.
我很感谢我的经理帮我在老板面前说好话。
第二种为后面接不定词的用法，be grateful to V。
I’m grateful to be promoted!
谢天谢地，我要升迁啦！
第三种为后面接 that 子句。
I’m just grateful that I don’t work for Tony any more.
感谢老天！我终于不用为 Tony 工作啦。
知识小拓展
【表达感谢的多种方式】
Many thanks.多谢。
Much appreciated.非常感谢。
Thanks a billion.多谢。
Thank you for all your kindness.谢谢你的善举。
Thanks for everything.谢谢你做的一切。
I do appreciate your help.我的确很感激您的帮助。
It’s very kind of you .你能帮助我真是太好
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