全网首发 | 2018年白宫版“吐槽大会”上线，两度缺席的川普总统被狠狠吐槽（附视频&摘要）
英语演讲君按
白宫记者协会（WHCA）是由报道白宫和美国总统的媒体记者所参与的一个组织。1921年，50名白宫记者聚会庆祝他们的新主子上任，那只是一次小型行业性宴会。如今，它已成为华盛顿社交日程上的一大盛事，每年4月29日，白宫记者协会晚宴都会如期举行。
而今年，美国总统特朗普再度缺席这场晚宴。段子手Michelle Wolf（美国喜剧演员，）上台，狠批川普，取笑副总统和第一女儿伊万卡，也吐槽了同行，吐槽CNN等一众美国一线媒体，真的是一个都没落下。原来女段子手一旦火力全开，无人能阻挡呀！
https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=l0640dyls9d&width=500&height=375&auto=0
Michelle Wolf took many fiery shots at President Trump and the media that covers him during her set at the White House Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday.
"All right, this has been long," Wolf started her speech, after annual journalism awards were handed out. "Here we are at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Like a porn star says with a Trump, 'Let's get this over with.'"
"This is on C-SPAN, no one watches that, Trump is president, that's not ideal," she told the crowd. "Just a reminder to everyone, I'm here to make jokes, I have no agenda, I'm trying to get nothing accomplished, so Congress, you should feel right at home."
She told the crowd she was 32, or "20 years too old for Roy Moore. That's right, he almost got elected."
Wolf then added, "It's 2018 and I am a woman, so you cannot shut me up. Unless you're Michael Cohen and you wan to wire me $130,000," referring to the reported $130,000 that Trump's personal lawyer paid adult-film actress Stephanie Clifford to remain silent about an alleged affair with trump. Wolf added that her Venmo name was "Reince Priebus."
For the first time during Trump's administration, White House figures including Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders and counselor to the president Kellyanne Conway showed up at the dinner; last year the administration skipped the dinner altogether.
Wolf took the opportunity to criticize those who attended, asking the press why it gave airtime to Conway, who she said "lies" every time she gets on the television. "It's like that old saying, if a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree?" Wolf then added that she didn't want Conway to get hurt, just to get "stuck."
Wolf also compared Sanders to Anne Dowd's character on the Hulu series The Handmaid's Tale, as well as a softball coach, but one who would chastise CNN chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta.
Trump, however, was not present: The president held a rally in Michigan on Saturday, where he took credit for improved relations between North and South Korea. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter earlier this month, Wolf lamented that he had vowed not to attend, saying, "I think it's more fun when people are there only because I like making fun of people to their face."
Wolf did not hesitate to take the media members present at the dinner to task for covering Trump extensively during the 2016 presidential campaign and then criticizing him during his presidency. "You guys are obsessed with Trump. did you used to date him? You act like you hate him, but I think you really love him." She added, "You helped create this monster and now you're profiting off of him."
The annual dinner, now over 100 years old, is annually attended by political reporters and celebrities. For the second year in a row, President Donald Trump did not attend, but instead held a political rally in Michigan as counterprogramming. White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders and counselor to the president Kellyanne Conway were instead present on Saturday night.
Wolf’s best one-liners
* “Here we are, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with a Trump, ‘Let’s get this over with.'”
* “I’m 32 years old, which is an odd age. I’m 10 years too young to host this event, and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.”
* “I know as much as some of you might want me to, it’s 2018 and I’m a woman, so you cannot shut me up — unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000. Michael, you can find me on Venmo under my porn star name, ‘Reince Priebus.'”
* “It is kinda crazy that the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia, when the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan.”
* “Of course, Trump isn’t here… and I know, I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one p—y you’re not allowed to grab.”
* “Trump is racist… He loves ‘white nationalists,’ which is a weird term for a nazi. Calling a nazi a ‘white nationalist’ is like calling a pedophile a ‘kid friend.’ Or Harvey Weinstein a ‘ladies’ man.'”
* “Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay. Mike Pence is the kind of guy who brushes his teeth, then drinks orange juice and thinks, ‘Mmm!'”
* “I did have a lot of jokes about cabinet members, but I had to scrap all of those because everyone’s been fired. You guys are going through cabinet members faster than Starbucks throws out black people.”
* “Mitch McConnell isn’t here tonight. He has a prior engagement: He’s finally having his neck circumcised. Mazel!”
* “Paul Ryan also couldn’t make it. Of course, he’s already been circumcised. Unfortunately, when they were down there, they also took his balls.”
* “Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do… anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You’re somehow gonna lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor.”
* “You guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne [Conway] on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don’t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. It’s like that old saying, ‘If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree?’ I’m not suggesting she gets hurt, just stuck.”
* “There’s also, of course, Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women, so I guess like father, like daughter.”
* “Ivanka cleans up nice. She’s the diaper genie of the administration. On the outside, she looks sleek, but on the inside, it’s still full of s—t.”
* “We are graced with Sarah [Huckabee Sanders]’ presence tonight. I have to say, I’m a little starstruck. I love you as Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid’s Tale. Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it.”
* “I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Is it Sarah Sanders? Is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it Aunty Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know: Aunt Coulter.”
* “We’ve got our friends at CNN here… You guys love breaking news, and you did it. You broke it. The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.”
* “Fox News is here, so you know what that means, ladies: Cover your drinks.”
* “People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight, but I cannot do that. This dinner’s for journalists.”
* “MSNBC’s new slogan is, ‘This Is Who We Are.’ Guys, it’s not a good slogan. ‘This Is Who We Are’ is what your mom thinks the sad show on NBC is called. ‘Did you watch This Is Who We Are this week? Someone left on a crockpot and everyone died.'”
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